Your high performing kid might be the unhappiest:
Achiever mode: When kids show up, do the work, and get consistently high grades, their self-worth can become tied to high performance. Their disengagement is invisible, fueling a fear of failure and putting them at risk for mental health challenges.
Perfectionism can cause real mental health issues, and the highest performing kids can end up with the biggest mental struggles.
As @drrebeccawinthrop explains here they can get stuck in an identity that doesn't serve them well.
When we know, and can talk to our kids about, the four modes of learning, we enable them to think about themselves in a more flexible way, rather than getting stuck.
It encourages a growth mindset, and a more healthy approach to learning that will help them for their entire life.
OTHER LEARNING MODES:
Resister. When kids resist, they struggle silently with profound feelings of inadequacy or invisibility, which they communicate by ignoring homework, playing sick, skipping class, or acting out.
Passenger. When kids coast along, consistently doing the bare minimum and complaining that classes are pointless. They need help connecting school to their skills, interests, or learning needs.
Explorer. When kids are driven by internal curiosity rather than just external expectations, they investigate the questions they care about and persist to achieve their goals.
THE BOOK:
The Disengaged Teen by @drrebeccawinthrop and @jennyandersonwrites
If you want to explore the issues with perfectionism listen to episode 86 www.teenagersuntangled.com
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/perfectionism-help-your-teen-and-yourself-overcome-the-need-to-be-perfect/