Transcript
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Hello, I'm Rachel Richards and welcome to Teenagers Untangled the audio hardware we use researched by experts and our own experience to discuss everything and anything to do with parenting teenagers.
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Hi there. I'm Susie Asli, Mindfulness coach, Mindful therapist and musician, a mother of three teenagers two of them twins.
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As a parenting coach, mother of two teenagers and two bonus daughters. I've seen the transformative power of getting people together to share ideas and support each other. So here we are. Welcome to the club. Let's begin. Now, Susie, it's the free thing that improves performance in every single way with literally no side effect. How are you getting on with it?
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Well, I'm here today to learn.
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Because when I said, Let's do something on sleep, you said, Oh, no. Can we wait until I've fixed it? And I said, Well, maybe that's the time to do it.
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Yeah, I don't want to know about sleep. It's yeah, I'm here to learn. I have my
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Okay. Well, that's good. We're all here today. So I'm happy about that.
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I'm going to talk about how much sleep experts say teenagers should be getting, how we can support our teens and the latest study that shows you can actually help your teen shift their sleep cycle. And you know what we should do? How are we doing?
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First, my teenager, my eldest teenager tried to shift his sleep cycle. This is where we're at. And the teenage beautiful brain, by doing an all nighter.
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Right, right
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I can't even remember but he stayed up all night to fix his sleep cycle. So that he yeah, as you can imagine it it didn't go well
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I think that's what they do for brainwashing isn't it? It just makes you really incapable of making a good decision.
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He came in in the morning, the next day and I asked how's that working for you? How did that go?
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So what what study did he use on which to base his decision?
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Study? No, there was none. He just went Oh, no, I have to fix this.
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Absolutely brilliant. Okay, well, we'll come on to that. But firstly, a shout out to listeners in a few of our most far flung cities.
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Now in Australia, o ur biggest listenership is in Melbourne, in South Africa, it's in Cape Town.
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We have a big listenership in Ireland. And Germany, the Netherlands and the UAE are climbing the charts.
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That's nuts. How do these people know what I don't know. I
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think no, because they're lovely, because they're telling everybody how our club, our little club is growing. And I also wanted to say hi to our listeners in get this, the Philippines, Costa Rica and Qatar, wow. Now these are regular listeners. And I know that I can't see you specifically, but I can see the figures. And I know that because it's not just one or two downloads. So hello, hello. Hi.
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Hi, everyone. Thanks for joining us. Susie, let's talk nuggets.
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What's your golden nugget for this week?
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Well, my nugget is the power of nudging. I think we've talked about nudging, and I just am watching. It's kind of unfold in our lives at the moment. And I have one child doing a levels final exams, who's not massive, keen on revising, and just nudging they're not the power of nudging, and we actually have an agreement of you know, what, what do you want my role to be here? You know, you're 18 kind of thing. And I have permission to nudge so I do and I can see the effect it has you know,
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So when you're talking about nudging, give us an example of how you use.
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So for him in this particular situation, an example of that would be you know, when he gets up in the morning, what are your plans for today? What are you going to revise? You need to get up? Do you want any food? Great, come and do some go and do some revision? Which works because you've got the contracts? Yeah, he might, he might be like, oh, and I go, Yeah, morning. And I know for sure that he does a bit more because I noticed then if I didn't, I know because when I say have you done in revision, yeah, he's gonna do something.
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I think is great, because they also talk about it in terms of politics, that nudging is the new thing where they will Yeah, to get people to behave in a better way they have found that just making suggestions can make all the difference
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and sticking to it.
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And another another example would be if somebody says something in the family that maybe it didn't know that I don't like, I don't think it's appropriate or you know, this happens all the time. It's you have to say things if heater I don't like that, and it might come up again, I don't like it or just the idea of nudging is it's it's not a one time fix.
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Now, it's like a little step never. But to just keep nudging and you get the arrows and the size, but it does make any difference.
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Yes, I love it being on it. My one is that my daughter was talking to me about the way a friend of hers was treating her and how she deliberately left her out of something and how it made her fel and she just said, I don't know, that was really not a very kind friendship thing to do. And it made me think, gosh, you know, when I was a teenager, I don't think I could really distinguish awful behavior from, from anything. I think I just knew when I felt bad about something, but I wasn't sure whether it was something I was doing, or it was something they were doing. And it was just all a sort of morass of feelings about things. And I think, what it made me realize is that part of what we do at home is I spend a lot of time talking about our values as a family, what we think a good relationship feels like how I treat my daughters, and I'll say I do this, because I think this is the respectful thing to do. And I will try and be consistent. And if they are mean to me, I won't take it.
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I'll say that that's a very unkind thing to do. Or, you know, the way you said, that didn't sound good. And that way, they've got an anchor for what a good relationship feels like.
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And it makes them much more capable of distinguishing when they've been treated poorly.
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Yes. From just how that just doesn't feel nice.
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That's really amazing as Yeah, I mean, if I was in that situation, at her age, I would have internalized it. There's something wrong with me, what have I done?
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Exactly. So and, and we found in the self harm episode, that very often teenagers struggle to identify emotions. So this is one way that we can really help them to start articulating what's going on inside their own heads.
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Yes. Amazing. And notice when it's not like that, yeah, exactly. Now,
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So back to sleep. I tell you what, Susie, this is the easiest episode I've ever had to research. Because nobody denies the benefits of good sleep. literally nobody.
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There's not a single study that says, Oh, you shouldn't be sleeping. Right? I mean, there are people who suffer from sleep disorders. You know, there are different types of sleep disorders, some where they fall asleep all the way through the day, but literally. It does a job in the same way that we used to think our colon was there to just act as a tube to evacuate things. We realize it's not it's actually really important. Sleep is fundamentally important, because we understand how the brain works.
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But the teenagers can know, this can't they, and I'm sure you've got advice. But I mean, I asked her we seem to have a it's half term here. And there's just loads of 15 year olds in the house all the time, which is lovely. And I before I came here, I asked them, they were having their bacon sandwiches around the table. And I said I'm doing it on podcasts and sleep. What do we think about sleep guys? No, I Yeah, we should have it. We should do it.
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So yeah. All right. And how do you guys feel rested? Like when you go to school? Do you feel refreshed? Do you feel you're getting enough? Sleep? Nope. All of them? No. So there's kind of an awareness that they're not getting enough sleep and needing anything about it? No.
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It's interesting, because we know that teenagers get a melatonin kick later in the day. We've done an episode on this before.
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So if you're interested, because that will that will have different bits of research in it because I always research afresh and I come in at different angles. And that was all about whether we should allow our teenagers to sleep in at the weekend. Yes, but we know that it shifts for teenagers. So their melatonin kicks in later in the day, generally, and then drops later in the morning, which makes it hard for them to wake up. So we know this happens. And then teens may or may not use that as a get out.
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Yeah, they were this morning. They were like yeah, but we wish to schools just start later. And like that's not our problem.
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I mean, you can say yes, I sympathize. But so interestingly, I came across this great phrase, which was revenge procrastination. It was sort of before I had kids, I never needed time to myself, but now I need at least an hour to catch my breath. Otherwise, you know, I've spent my day in a problem solving solving mode. If I went straight to bed, my life would be just work childcare, work, childcare. Does that sound familiar?
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Totally familiar.
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Very familiar. I mean, when my kids were little, I was on my own with twins and a toddler.
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And I was utterly knackered, and I still would go right, I said, quiet, I need this time for myself with the full knowledge I would be more tired than because we
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We've all done this and we've all found our days are too crammed. And then we just need to try to claw back some time from somewhere. So the reason I mentioned this is because I think we all suffer, we all have a framework of what is good sleep behavior. And we as the parents need to somehow create the framework for our kids. So if we're struggling with it, then it's not surprising our kids will be struggling with it too.
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Now, what sleep do teens need?
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The American Academy of Sleep Medicine recommends that teens between the ages of 13 and 18 consistently sleep between eight and 10 hours a night for optimal health. A recent Spanish study that was looking into links between obesity and sleep deprivation - now this is the frontier of studying that's going on - found that it 12 years of age, only 34% of those in the study achieved a full eight hours of sleep per night.
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When subjects reached 14, the number dropped to 3%. If Spanish study, I mean, it will go to baby. We can say it's a Spanish, but ya know. And at 16, it dropped to 19%. Whoa. And I think - I'm blaming myself to an extent, we are presiding over not forcing our kids to make good enough sleep. We have to take some responsibility in this. Yeah, totally. Let's look at why it's so important to get good sleep. I mean, where do we start? Right? Sleep deprivation has proved to increase hyperactivity and other behavioral problems. It damages mood regulation. So you just it can feed into depression and anxiety. It doesn't necessarily cause it can be depression and anxiety that causes lack of sleep. So they they're a kind of self fulfilling circle.
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But your window of tolerance gets much, much smaller. So you're just really vulnerable.
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Mental performance and memory retention drops, lower sports performance, reaction times are slower. And coming back to that Spanish study. What they're saying is they're saying that the lack of sleep impacts the hormones that make us feel full by lowering them, and conversely make our hunger rise. It impacts how the body metabolizes glucose, leads to insulin resistance makes eating poor carbohydrates much more appealing to the body.
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That's interesting. And when you're up late, you've got greater opportunity to keep grazing. Yeah. And then you're less inclined to exercise. Yeah.
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So so that, you know, you we look at these things, and they all feed into each other.
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Gosh that's interesting. I know that I crave sugar when I'm tired. And I thought that was a way of getting energy, but it's also physical.
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Yeah, yeah. And I do that I you know, if I'm up too late, I just start eating chocolate. Yeah. And, you know, that's the worst thing I should be eating because there's sugar and caffeine in it. Yeah, well, you know, I do it. There are specific sleep disorders, which are reported to affect about 7% of adolescents. And the way that they treat these disorders from what I read in the studies was that it's a gradual adjustment of the sleep cycle and use of bright light therapy in the morning. And then avoidance of bright light in the evening. And I mentioned this in one of my Instagram posts that one of the best things you can possibly do.
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And I'll repeat it again later, is expose yourself to natural sunlight. Immediately on waking up, don't keep the curtains closed. Don't look at your phone. And I've been doing this.
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Go outside, or stick your head out the window or look out of the window when it's really cold. And just 5 to 10 minutes.
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You know, literally a very simple, easy thing to do. It works.
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And lots of teenagers are like vampires though aren't they they had their blinds down yesterday, like I have to two out of three of mine do that. Yeah, like sunlight sunlight I did a search because I was having an argument
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And this is actually something they use to treat these disorders.
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Brilliant. So that's my biggest fix. Okay, that's really easy to do easy fix, you're not having to have arguments about them doing something difficult. So what's really interesting is that we've got this whole with my 18 year old about when he should be drinking caffeine, concept that there are night owls and morning larks. And you know, there's there's a Chrono type, it's very set. And there's evidence for that. But a new study from researchers with Baylor University Sleep Neuroscience and Cognition Laboratory shows that chronotypes are more flexible than we originally thought. And they did research on students, evening and morning type students. They showed similar stress levels and similar academic demands. Evening chronotypes showed significantly worse sleep quality and duration. And that meant they were disadvantaged when they had to wake up early. These college students had several behaviors that were known to delays, bedtimes, shortened sleep duration, and worse than sleep quality. So they studied them and they looked at what they were doing. And there was a difference. Those people use social media for 40 minutes while in bed, on average, consumed caffeine later in the day. Remember, there's caffeine in a lot of the energy drinks that people consume, right? Coca Cola, any of these things, or even a hot chocolate, and they napped more than morning types.
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Okay. As the semester progressed, some students reported switching chronotypes the chrono switching was linked how much and when, and I found it was even earlier than that, to changes in behavior. And that resulted in improved sleep, and a higher semester GPA, which is very important. So one of the things that they were talking about was this consuming less if you want it to be really sure to not have it in your caffeine. And not consuming it after 5pm Because what do we know about caffeine? It has a half life of I think it's eight hours and a half life means half of it is still in your bloodstream.
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bloodstream. But is there time you knew like 2pm or something don't drink anymore.
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And I the same I switch and I will switch to decaffeinated drinks after a certain time, because I'm very sensitive to it. My husband always says, Oh, I can drink caffeine or whatever time of night. Some people maybe can, but some can. Yeah. Anyway, so we know what the deal is. Right.
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So shall we have some tips?
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Yes, please. I have my notebook ready?
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Right. I mean, some of them are obvious. The first thing I start with, and I'm talking from actually in a place of experience, because I, we did an episode on setting yourself new year's resolutions and how they work and how micro resolutions are much more powerful. Yeah. We've done lots of episodes where we've realized that you always have to find the why if you want to change, you have to have a why. So I think the why has to start with us adults. And it has to start with our own behavior.
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Yes, absolutely. I'm shocking at it.
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Don't forget that our teenagers are watching us. Yeah. They're not listening to us. And they're also equating our behavior with being an adult. Yeah. So if they see adults going to bed, whenever they feel like it drinking alcohol late into the evening, or coffee, or snacking, and all these things, then you're telling them that that's what you should do as an adult. So I do think we have to start with ourselves and have conversations with our teenagers. And one of the best things that the government in the UK has changed its attitude towards how we talk about diet, for example, to children, don't say, I'm overweight, I'm going to go on a diet. It's a terrible thing to do. You say I'm not feeling very healthy. And I really want to make some changes to help myself feel I've got more energy and I'm stronger. And so should we do this together? It's best way to approach it. I agree. It's same thing with sleep. So first thing, keep a regular sleep/wake schedule. We know that melatonin works in a window, there's science behind this. So we do need to make a decision about what our sleeping hours are going to be. And I know that these can be difficult to implement, particularly if you're a shift worker. When I was a world news anchor at CNBC, I started work at 3am Every morning of the week, it's brutal. And then at the weekend, I tried to have a normal life.
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So I completely understand how difficult that is.
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I'm a musician. And that's it's classic. You know, you do performance and you come home and you're you're not ready for sleep at all at all
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because you're buzzed. Yeah, yes. It's like that often book club. So I understand that normal life needs some variation.
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But the general everyday situation is our teenagers have a general everyday.
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And we need to sit down and be conscious about there. So what my suggestion is, what you do is you take one thing at a time, you can do a whole contract by looking at these things. Or you can take one thing at a time and say right, we're going to really make sure this happens. So work out what those regular sleep wake wake schedules need to be.
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Get out in natural light as soon as possible in the morning. And it will help you not feel groggy, and you really mustn't look at your phone before you do this. different light. Okay, so give yourself that 5-10 minutes.
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And it's unbelievable. I woke up feeling a bit groggy this morning. I opened the curtains and I forced myself to stare out and I said to the girls, come on. So you just look out the window. I was a bit cold this morning. I wasn't going outside.
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But it's a nice warm day, I'll tell you outside, but through the windows is enough. It's just that the level of brightness of natural light is very different to what you'll get from a light inside a house. You can fake this. So my older bonus daughter worked in which she was in Russia for a year she's she's Russian specialist. And she really suffered with SAD which is Seasonal Sffective Sisorder.
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And I gave her a lamp. And she said it really helped. So this is another thing you can do. You can have one of those rising clocks which has a bright, bright light that slowly mimics sunrise.
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I lived in Denmark for years. A lot of people had those lamps because the winters are dark and they make a big difference
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and make a big difference. So if you're in a country where this doesn't work, try that. Engage in daytime exercise. I walk the dogs every day. I have a good excuse. You may not have a good excuse, but try and find a way of getting some exercise every day because it definitely and our teens need this too. So my goals are revising. And we, as a family are doing an hour of exercise a day just to support them going out and just playing, playing outside. Avoid stimulants that contain caffeine, minimum of eight hours before bedtime. And I know that it affects people differently. But just remember that those soft drinks will have caffeine. I think often teenagers don't count Redbull or they don't you know, they're sort of looking at these things going, Yeah, but I still fancy a monster or whatever that other drink is. But we have to be clear with, look through the label and say there's caffeine in here, switch to something else. I mean, preferably don't drink that stuff. But
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actually, Coke is one of the lowest weirdly, I did look
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interesting.
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Yes, because they've all started putting caffeine in these. Even Even I have a drink I drink because I don't want to drink alcohol in an evening. But I like to feel like I'm having a treat. And it's called Livener, it's absolutely delicious. But it's got caffeine. And I started thinking, Rachel, is that really such a good idea? Maybe not?
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Sometimes? Yes, exactly. So you know, the little things where you just don't think about it.
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And then you make the switch?
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And you say, Oh, actually, yes, I think
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we drink a lot of hot chocolate. Yeah. Oh, that's sugar. And the caffeine just before you go to sleep is not a great plan.
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And so coming back to New Year's resolutions, and how difficult those are, if you try and do everything at once, you may find that it all crashes. It's too hard. So my suggestion is do one thing at a time. So okay, normally I have a hot chocolate, I'm going to switch that to a fruity tea or something else that's lovely.
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That's feels like it has to feel like a treat. Okay, that's what we're trying to aim for. And at the same time, the bedroom needs to feel like a place that's not defeat. Does that make sense?
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Where some people you go up to your room, and now you feel like you've actually given in where it needs to feel like it's something really luxurious to go
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And I was I was gonna say that because I find to bed.
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with my teenagers a lot of - actually my 15 year olds, they're not too bad and sleeping. Could be better, but it's okay. When they're at school - But it's the attitude towards it. It's like there's a you know, oh. It's not cool to go to bed. It's and that's been from very young, you know, this whole sleepover thing or we stayed up really, really late. I remember that as a kid as well, but it seems a bit more extreme.
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You know that it's a badge of honor. Even when they've been ill. I've gone right you just go to bed now and they say it's not bedtime yet. You're on your knees, but that's irrelevant, you know? What does your body need right now try and get into tune into what are you tired?
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And what do you need right now rather than what time is it?
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And along with that is things like hunger and thirst what scientists are saying is that it's good to have a very big window between the last time you drank or ate and so snacking late into the evening, your body is going to be taken up with digestion.
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I totally agree with that. Actually might actually reflecting on this my daughter is amazing at going to bed. So she's really good. Because she hates being tired. But her twin brother is like a beanpole, and he's growing and would eat more than me in a week in an afternoon because he's growing so he's starving by bedtime he's starving and he's terrible at planning Yeah, so I'm trying to get him to go right you probably are going to be hungry let's start this a bit earlier rather than just before he brushed his teeth agh dammit I'm hungry and he knows if he doesn't eat them then he's going to wait yes we've been feeling horrible or wake up at four in the morning starving hungry because we're so he can eat just before he goes to sleep but he just has to time it in a way that
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how great that you've noticed that so maybe the thing to do is you work a schedule with him because it's child's going to be difficult to say we know that you get really hungry so maybe let's try and eat at least an hour before you go to bed but a nice big chunk of something so that you know exactly okay because it's obviously crept up on him and and we all do those things right you just
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every night I hear him going to go down the stairs.
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Yeah, I'm just gonna make a snack.
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Yeah, it's about just knowing yourself and going okay, so I tend to do this and so as a parent what you can do is you can do a kind of a briefing about what's going on at sleep time. Yes and pick apart little things you can change and just do that. Just make small changes.
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And also maybe the idea of bedtime. I'm actually remembering all of this now when they were a bit younger. This idea particularly for him who finds time management quite difficult, but it's not bedtime yet. You know, he's still doing things that would like one minute before lights out. And I'm like yeah, but it takes time to go to bed Yeah. So we would break it down. And this is when he was younger, but I think it still has stuck. You know, how long does it take for you to brush your teeth? One minute? I think it takes a bit longer.
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Let's just be realistic. What do you need to do? pack your bag?
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and you have to pack your bag the night before? You know, how long does that take? It's not 30 seconds, it's probably about five minutes, because you need to find all your stuff, you know? And how long is it? Okay, that's gonna take more than one minute, isn't it? All of these things you need to do? Let's plan that in. So when do you need to go upstairs this time?
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Not this time. Yeah. And yeah, maybe we need to get back.
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It's just about individual self awareness, I mean, it sounds fine. Actually, those two are fine. Yeah. It's about getting them to focus on what is their hot point, whatever their hot point is, so let's say it's a boy. And he loves sport, or you've got somebody who loves gaming even and you say, well, your reaction times are going to slow down and you're not getting enough sleep.
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You just say this is going to fundamentally impact your ability to do X. Yeah, whatever it is, emotionally regulate yourself. It's this. So find their hot button.
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They're aware of that. They're really good on that. My eldest, I mean, I've given him stats, this is you know, he's doing a levels this is will happen to your grades.
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This is, yeah. Yeah.
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Yes. But then it's the working through, isn't it? It's a sitting down and breaking down the the ease. So I would start with the easy wins, you know, look at the things that are going on and think what's the easy way that we can change
00:26:23.319 --> 00:26:25.660
fundamentally he doesn't want to change his habits? Yes.
00:26:26.109 --> 00:26:35.799
Well, and then you can't and then that's we're down to natural consequences.
00:26:32.109 --> 00:27:07.480
Exactly that. But you know, at that point, you say, Well, you know, when they cross about something to say, well, I can't help you really. And then electronic devices. A 2016 systematic review has confirmed that bedtime use and access to these devices were significantly associated with inadequate sleep quality, poor sleep quality and excessive daytime sleepiness. So TV, gaming machines, tablets, smartphones, any of this stuff down an hour before bedtime. We know about blue light emission.
00:27:02.950 --> 00:27:10.660
I wanted to take a lead on this my husband's appalling with his device, I have an alarm on my
00:27:10.660 --> 00:27:18.789
30. It goes on charge.
00:27:10.660 --> 00:27:22.900
It's off. And actually is it's amazing. It just frees you. And my girls are doing the same.
00:27:23.470 --> 00:27:45.880
Right. And what's really interesting is one of my daughters left her phone somewhere. And it's too far away for me to get, somebody found it thankfully, and called and said, we've got your phone and I said okay, well, I can pick it up a week from now, which is when I'm going to be there. And she won't be around. So it'll be another week before she gets it. Yeah, guess what? She's so happy.
00:27:42.039 --> 00:27:45.880
Because we want these things.
00:27:45.910 --> 00:27:46.990
Yeah, we don't want them. Yeah, they're
00:27:47.230 --> 00:27:53.920
a tie. Actually, my son is a bit similar. But your kids are away at school in the week. They allowed their phones, or is it?
00:27:53.920 --> 00:28:06.849
Yes, the schools are different? And it there is an age difference. As they get older, they get given more freedom on their phones, but they do take the phones away. And I think they should and they do
00:28:07.119 --> 00:28:24.740
like a nighttime curfew on Okay, so they used to that. Yeah, that's really But they don't have the comfort of scrolling on
00:28:11.009 --> 00:28:13.740
interesting.
00:28:11.009 --> 00:28:17.039
Also, with computers, they have computers later in the night.
00:28:13.740 --> 00:28:25.490
And you'll find that you can launch a lot of these things on computers too. So it doesn't stop them getting access to things their bed when my kids were growing up.
00:28:27.549 --> 00:29:05.950
device in our rooms. Oh, I lie so my daughter had a music device, but I made sure it couldn't connect with anything else. So yeah, because I explained it to them. He said I don't think you should be on your own anywhere when it's not good to manage. And so we already had started with quite a strict policy about why and explanations and they see me and I think that's important. It's them seeing that if you're leaving stuff downstairs and it's just it's an it's the norm.
00:29:05.980 --> 00:29:37.119
Yeah, nicotine, alcohol, nicotine. Nicotine is actually a short acting stimulant. It can keep you awake. And I know a lot of parents are struggling with vaping you need to talk to your kids about this even if they say they're not vaping or it's just worth mentioning that nicotine will also do things like that alcohol. Make sure the bedroom's dark and quiet. It needs to be cool. It can't be warm, overly warm, and that clocks aren't visible. So those are the classic things that they say.
00:29:38.140 --> 00:29:48.819
Little top tips that we use. I told you when I was presenter, I had to start work at three o'clock every morning, which meant I had to be in bed at stupid o'clock the night before.
00:29:49.509 --> 00:30:04.960
No social life and I found it really tough because it's bright outside. You know, how am I supposed to be asleep so I started wearing earplugs. I wore a face mask, So I didn't have any light coming onto my face.
00:30:01.240 --> 00:30:33.880
My one of my daughters started using a white noise machine. And they're really loud noises, brown noise, well, they also use them for studying. Both my daughters now when they are studying, they have headphones on, and they have either brown or white noise. I don't know, because I don't get involved in it, I just said, Why are these really good for studying? Yes, great. And it just means that your your brain is not distracted by other noises. And, and those things are critical.
00:30:30.940 --> 00:30:36.640
So I don't know what the other any other things that you think I haven't covered?
00:30:36.000 --> 00:30:43.859
No, I think for me, the biggest hurdle I think is the attitude to it really.
00:30:39.269 --> 00:30:55.829
Because you can know all the information can't you to be blue in the face. But if you don't want to make the change, if the why isn't strong enough for us, then then the change isn't going to happen.
00:30:56.170 --> 00:31:00.579
I think that's the critical thing. That's one coming back to the main message.
00:30:58.240 --> 00:31:22.960
But that's with everything, isn't it? Absolutely. We can't, we can't make our teenagers do things we can't actually do more than support them finding their why. But we can keep coming back to the why we can keep going in there and saying so. How does this work? Finding something that really matters to them and saying, Okay, well, that will be improved by that? Yeah,
00:31:22.000 --> 00:31:30.549
For a while, actually, because we were so fortunate that we got to go to Australia at Christmas. And so we had jetlag when we got back.
00:31:28.359 --> 00:31:51.609
And that meant that everybody was waking up really early. And they all really loved it, especially the one who struggles with getting up. And he said it's so good. I'm so happy, I've done this and this and this and it's only like that. And I was thinking savor that. Remember this feeling? You know, but it's really kind of drifted away. But you know, we do remember it.
00:31:51.849 --> 00:32:01.480
Just coming back to my experience. I have been doing these things. And it's unbelievable. Yeah, what a difference. It's made. I sit down. And if it's if it's got
00:32:01.480 --> 00:32:38.500
30 I need to go to bed. If it's gone past that, obviously I just fall asleep. Yeah. And I am literally so woozy, I can't really do things properly. I had to go to bed, and force myself in the morning to go out and expose myself to light. Those things alone have made a dramatic difference, too. And I've notoriously been bad about sleeper. Yes, my whole life even as a teenager because my parents didn't regulate my sleep. They didn't do anything to support my sleep happen patterns. And I used to just go to bed when I felt like it. I'd stay up half the night, when I was a student I was up half the night. You know, I just didn't care.
00:32:38.000 --> 00:32:44.269
But maybe it's having that flavor of what does it feel like to be truly rested?
00:32:40.609 --> 00:33:43.430
And having that as a goal as well? That feels amazing, doesn't it? But if we don't have that I remember with having small kids, you know, years of sleep deprivation, you forget what it actually feels like, it is normal to have this awful dragging yourself day every day because you have had broken sleep, then you suddenly have some proper sleep for a few nights. You go Oh, Oh, that feels good. Actually, my eldest had a, a night where he went to have a nap, which would have been not the greatest idea, I think, like early evening, because he's retired. And then it was two nights before his first day level. And fortunately, he just he slept all the way through why he slept for hours and hours and hours and hours. The next morning he was buzzing. He said I feel great. And I think that's brilliant timing. Because tonight you might not sleep so well, but I asked how does this feel - like trying to cement how it feels great. Brilliant. You know, this could be more regular. It could feel like this every day.
00:33:43.960 --> 00:33:58.569
Like you said nudging, yeah, whenever my kids are emotional and very difficult. It's always because they're tired. Yeah, so I'll say sweetie, I think you're just really really tired. Yeah, just so you know. It's not you. It's that you're you're just not able to regulate yourself. Right?
00:33:58.569 --> 00:34:01.900
Yeah, yeah, yeah, we do that as well. And sometimes they say to me, Mommy, you tired?
00:34:02.920 --> 00:34:04.869
Exactly, exactly. Don't listen to her.
00:34:04.869 --> 00:34:16.119
She's tired. So what do you think? Have you struggled with sleep? I'd love to know I'd really how people in different cultures and different countries have dealt with this
00:34:16.150 --> 00:34:21.940
because it's such a ridiculously fundamental part of being a healthy human being, isn't it and we're so bad at it.
00:34:22.000 --> 00:35:00.280
I don't get why we're so bad. It just doesn't make sense because we're too busy. We're just trying to cram too much in and it's not really worthwhile, some of the things we're doing. Anyway, if you've enjoyed this episode, then why not help other parents tell your friends tell the school, subscribe to our podcast and what a massive bonus it would be if you left a review. You can also sign up to receive all the latest at our own website where there's a blog reviews links to every episode and easy ways to contact us both. That's w w w dot teenagers untangled.com and Susie is an expert and says we can tell and she can be Each day
00:35:00.309 --> 00:35:04.570
at WWW.amindful-life.co.uk
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and Susie gives free help
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a free 15-20 minute session to hear more and find out if it's for you or just to ask anything.
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And she's very good at what she does. Anyway, that's it for now. We'll speak to you soon. Bye bye for now
