Transcript
WEBVTT
00:00:03.450 --> 00:00:13.859
Hello, I'm Rachel Richards and welcome to Teenagers Untangled the audio hug where we use research by experts and our own experience to discuss everything and anything to do with parenting teenagers.
00:00:14.310 --> 00:00:21.420
Hi, I'm Susie as the mindful therapist, mindfulness teacher and musician and mother of three teenagers two of them are twins.
00:00:21.000 --> 00:01:11.459
As a parenting coach, mother of two teenagers and two bonus daughters. I've seen the transformative power of getting people together to share ideas and support each other. So here we are. Welcome. Pull up a chair. And let's begin now, Susie, Jamie has contacted us to ask for help. She's struggling to figure out how to include her new partner in her life, she's been divorced for a year, started dating a friend, she's known for some time. And while she wants her teens to be happy, she wants her partner to be happy, and of course, she wants to be happy. So there are three minimum of three things in this little group. The difficult thing is how does she balance it? And between us both. We've got experience; you more recently than me. And I've got friends who've tried and failed to include someone in their life. It's very, very difficult.
00:01:11.459 --> 00:01:14.370
Yes, I know people who have really struggled with it.
00:01:14.819 --> 00:01:40.109
So she's right to be worried about it. What a great thing to pause and think, okay, how am I doing this? So we're going to talk about top tips. And a message written by a woman looking back on what she wished had happened when she was a teen being introduced to a new partner. I'm here mostly to to learn from you. So first of all, let's just talk nuggets. What have you got for us this week?
00:01:40.000 --> 00:02:03.340
Well, my nugget is actually related to this topic, which is appropriate. It's my partner has two boys who're exactly the same ages as my children coincidentally, and they came over - they don't often mix, which we'll probably go into more in a bit, but they came over for a barbecue in half term, which was really lovely.
00:02:00.819 --> 00:02:30.789
And they haven't seen each other that many times, but they do know each other. And we were having dinner and it was all lovely. And the eldest, it was, my son instigated it. They're both 18. And we were just chatting, and he just kind of turned around to the other eldest and went 'do you fancy going to Wetherspoons?' Which is a really horrible dodgy pub near us. Which is cheap, which is why he goes, and the other kid went,'Oh, yeah, that's a good idea.
00:02:31.389 --> 00:02:40.449
And I thought, but we're having a lovely group dinner. And then I went, 'Oh, this is amazing.
00:02:35.590 --> 00:02:40.449
They want to hang out together.
00:02:40.479 --> 00:02:46.629
Yeah, no, go.' and they kind of ran out the door.
00:02:46.000 --> 00:03:03.759
I love that. So my mine's not about that specifically, but it is kind of about relationships, because my daughter told me that she thought her friend's mum doesn't like her. And I said, 'Really?
00:02:58.719 --> 00:03:55.120
Why would you think that?' And she tried to give some reasons, but she wasn't clear. She said,'I just think it's a vibe.' And I explained to her why I thought it was utter nonsense. But it made me think that, gosh, you know, teens do tend to catastrophize things. They look for feedback and just feel like there's something wrong with them when they don't get a positive. Quite often as parents, we're focused on something else, or we're not really thinking about the teenager. And as a result of that, the next time I gave a lift to one of her friends, i said 'Hi, how's it going? How was your weekend?' and then involved her in a chat in the car. And she really responded.
00:03:55.449 --> 00:04:07.180
And I suddenly thought, as parents we can do so much more to encourage them, it doesn't have to be over the top. It doesn't have to be a long winded conversation, just enough so that they feel like oh, actually, their mum doesn't dislike me.
00:04:07.180 --> 00:04:09.939
Yeah, so important.
00:04:07.180 --> 00:04:13.060
I love that. Yes. Because I think they're all feeling a bit insecure. So yeah, let's start with that.
00:04:14.050 --> 00:04:27.670
My kids friends gave me flowers for my birthday. My daughter's friends. I nearly cried. It was so sweet.
00:04:28.180 --> 00:04:29.350
Oh, that's lovely.
00:04:30.250 --> 00:04:40.389
Incidentally, you know, our episode on helping your teen with anxiety was our most popular download?That's changed.
00:04:41.290 --> 00:04:43.959
Can you guess which one it is now?
00:04:44.350 --> 00:04:46.149
Oh, no.
00:04:47.079 --> 00:05:12.610
It's episode 32. Consequences. And the teen that doesn't seem to care. I'm not surprised. I think that knowing how to set appropriate boundaries and deal with infractions is something that really troubles us all in the teenage years just trying to figure that out? Because it seems more clear and simpler when they're younger. But it's much more complicated when they're older.
00:05:13.000 --> 00:05:15.610
Interesting that's the most popular because that's quite a recent one.
00:05:15.000 --> 00:05:39.029
It's very recent. Yes. And it's overtaken the anxiety one. Now back to Jamie who wants to progress her relationship from evenings out to spending some time together at home, it's not really much to ask for is it? If you are in a relationship without any hangers on that would be a simple thing to do. But she just doesn't know how to make this awkward thing work with her 17 year old.
00:05:34.529 --> 00:06:00.959
Nowone of our listeners contacted us and said she'd introduced her 13 year old after six months together. I did the same thing. I said to my husband, who wanted me to meet his kids within two weeks, which was a great sign. But I just said, no, because they don't need women being paraded through their lives, let's make sure that we are actually in a relationship that's sustainable.
00:06:01.769 --> 00:06:19.680
And our listener built up talking about him with her children. But she didn't meet her partner's son until two years into the relationship. And she found that really, really difficult, because there was a bit of sneaking around so she wasn't being seen.
00:06:20.160 --> 00:06:27.000
So that's sending out quite a tricky signal as well, isn't it? And that can be quite painful. Like how come you don't want me around?
00:06:29.519 --> 00:06:48.720
We did talk a bit about step parents and the relationship that you can build up with a stepchild in Episode 29. So anyone who's sort of in this zone that's worth listening to. But this is slightly different, because you're not necessarily their step parent.
00:06:45.540 --> 00:06:48.720
No, especially for teenager.
00:06:48.750 --> 00:06:55.649
You're not no. And you're also new on the scene. So it's how do you introduce someone newly to the scene? Susie?
00:06:55.000 --> 00:07:54.850
Yeah. Well, what I did, so I've been with my partner now for - I'm not saying this is the only way or the right way, this is just what I did - We've been together for nearly two years, and we were really cautious. We kind of knew really early that this was going to be something that was going to be part of our lives for for a long time, which is a really helpful thing. And I've had other brief relations, and not many to be honest, but where I didn't think that, so then I didn't do these things. So what did we do? I was playing at a concert. And he came to watch.
00:07:47.470 --> 00:07:55.300
And I talked to the kids about him.
00:07:55.779 --> 00:08:00.519
Had you talked much about him before then or was that the first time you really talked about him?
00:08:01.060 --> 00:08:30.399
No, I think beforehand they knew I was meeting somebody, they knew of him. They knew I was dating after we'd been seeing each other for a few quite a few weeks. I kind of dropped it casually in and they they could kind of pick up on stuff. 'Where are you going?' And if I don't immediately go I'm seeing a friend that they know. If I hesitated they started to realize I was dating and they were kind of like, 'ooh, where are you going? What are you doing?'
00:08:30.639 --> 00:08:34.059
Did they mind that you weren't completely open about dating?
00:08:35.110 --> 00:08:44.529
No, no, they didn't know. We're in a stage which was different anyway. One of them didn't really want to know.
00:08:44.740 --> 00:09:07.899
'That's weird. Stop it. I don't need to know. Yuck.' My daughter was really curious. So I was online dating. So we had quite a laugh. She was looking through pictures with me. We went camping and she was looking. But we only did that once because I didn't her to think that she had some sort of influence over it.
00:09:07.899 --> 00:09:10.870
That would be weird. Yeah. So it was really kind of jokey/light.
00:09:12.549 --> 00:09:49.809
And my other child wants to know, but not too much, so that it kind of worked out quite well. But they got the idea I was dating. But with my partner, I said that he was coming to this concert and only two of them came in the end. So they knew they were going to meet him, but I didn't make a big deal of it. And they met and they really really liked each other immediately. So it was lucky. But he just came to the concert they met in the interval he stayed around after said'hi', talked football with my son, which was very smart, and talked to my daughter about something else and then went home.
00:09:50.080 --> 00:10:33.159
So you did one of the key things that they suggest you should do. I mean, first of all, you'd waited until your kids knew you were single, which they knew for a very long time. You need the ground settling between you splitting up with your previous partner and the new person. And then what you're saying is brilliant because meeting on neutral ground is really important. And you can't bring it into your house straightaway, because it's their turf. Yeah. I mean, I'll just tell you before we move on, I had probably the worst meeting with my bonus daughters, they were little,
00:10:33.990 --> 00:10:35.519
which is very different when they're
00:10:35.000 --> 00:10:35.970
Yes, we'd been together for six months. And my teenagers.
00:10:41.480 --> 00:11:17.690
husband's mother was absolutely lovely and said, right, I'm going to go and collect a new car. Why don't you come? I'll have the girls with me. And we'll we'll meet that way. And you know, it just went from the youngest looking at me and saying, 'I want to swap you with my mommy,' which was really painful. And then I tried to have fun with them in the showroom. I put the older one on one of those rotation chairs.
00:11:17.779 --> 00:11:47.779
And she was like, 'Oh, this is fun.' So I swung her around, then she vomited. And she was sick all the way home. And then when we got back I shut the car door without realizing the youngest's finger was still in it. I was really nervous. And I really wanted them to like me.
00:11:42.830 --> 00:12:04.669
So I just kind of screwed up. So it was quite stressful. But we love each other. I think they love me. I love them. And we get really well. Anyway, so it's not always lost if it doesn't go very well at the start. Anway, coming back to you. So you met on neutral ground, which is key.
00:12:04.000 --> 00:12:13.000
It was all lovely.
00:12:04.000 --> 00:12:30.879
And we still laugh about it. And my partner's name is Mike. And my youngest boy got in the car and said 'Marks really nice, mum'. I said, 'His name's Mike.' It was really funny. We teased him about that.
00:12:31.570 --> 00:12:35.440
So did you tell them things about him before they met him?
00:12:37.090 --> 00:12:42.009
Oh, gosh, did I?
00:12:37.090 --> 00:12:45.309
Yes, I did. I didn't ram him down their throat. They asked you know, they were interested.
00:12:46.059 --> 00:13:02.019
Yeah. So they say Tell them positive things about your partner before - like you like about the partner - before they meet them. Just gently drop little things in and be prepared to answer questions.
00:12:58.029 --> 00:13:02.019
Again, just make it very light.
00:13:02.000 --> 00:13:08.750
Yeah I did. Just things that were related to them. You like sport? You know, he supports a football team.
00:13:08.750 --> 00:13:12.080
That's interesting to the boys.
00:13:08.750 --> 00:13:17.629
Then, 'he's got two boys.' 'They go to cricket.' You know, 'what does he do?' That kind of stuff?
00:13:20.029 --> 00:13:21.679
Little, things to get an idea.
00:13:22.070 --> 00:13:27.559
So after that first meeting, did you did you keep meeting on neutral ground?
00:13:25.100 --> 00:13:27.559
Or what happened?
00:13:29.570 --> 00:14:02.509
No, I think then he came round. But it was there was a little while that while went in between. And my eldest still hadn't met him. And then what we did, he came around, we were going to a party, a friend of mine was having a 50th or something like that. And he was coming with me. And what we did was he came around a little bit early. So he could meet them and say hi, literally for 20 minutes, and we kind of planned it that way. He came round, I had a cup of tea. I think my daughter had a friend as well.
00:13:59.000 --> 00:14:09.049
He met my eldest who hadn't been at the concert, and it was really kind of 'Hi, this is so and so.' And then we went so it was just really easy.
00:14:12.259 --> 00:14:15.200
So it doesn't feel like a really big weighty thing.
00:14:15.000 --> 00:14:37.379
No, so we didn't want to go right, we're all gonna have dinner together with the Spanish Inquisition, because that would be awkward for everybody. So no, it was little tiny drops in for a few meetings. And then I think he started coming around for dinner. And it easy because everyone got on. He's easy to get on with so my kids were easy. We talked about it and planned it.
00:14:37.000 --> 00:15:08.019
Right. really intentional with it. One of the tips that gets given is to give your child or children extra attention during that first meeting. The teenager needs to feel like it's you two, or you and however many in the family looking at the partner. Yeah.
00:14:59.500 --> 00:15:08.620
chatting to them and giving it some air.
00:15:08.649 --> 00:15:44.470
Yeah, yeah, we did that I think we got a take away or something which my kids are easy with food. If you buy them a take away they are putty in your hand. Yeah, so we did that, and we kept it short. So nobody's left thinking it's weird. When he first started staying over. That was different. I did it very intentionally and talked to my kids about it. We waited a long time. Actually, we waited quite a few months to do that.
00:15:45.340 --> 00:15:49.960
When you say you talked to your kids about it, what did that involve?
00:15:50.769 --> 00:15:57.429
Less with my eldest, who at that point, had his girlfriend staying over a lot.
00:15:53.889 --> 00:16:03.190
So for him, it was less of a thing. But he was also involved.
00:15:57.429 --> 00:16:07.509
But more for the twins. And I said to them, I think it'd be really nice if Mike stayed over.
00:16:07.509 --> 00:17:07.390
I'd really like that. But how do you feel about it? Is that alright with you? How do you feel? And I said, you know, you can absolutely say you're uncomfortable with it. I'm genuinely asking you, this is not lip service. And they were a bit like, oh, no, we were fine with that. They thought about it. I think my youngest boy quipped - because he's a smart smartass - 'is his family therapy, what we're doing?' But I said, Well, the reason I'm asking you is this is your home, this is your safe space, this is your base, and I want you to feel absolutely safe and absolutely comfortable. I am introducing a new person into that, who I think will be amazing, but it's new. And if you don't feel comfortable, if your home suddenly then becomes less comfortable, then that's not okay. So that is why I'm asking, and why I'm gonna keep asking you. And they got that.
00:17:04.420 --> 00:17:13.900
They appreciated it. And after a while it was unnecessary. But for a long time, I'd go. Is that okay with you? Is that okay with you? And it felt like a really respectful way of doing it.
00:17:15.309 --> 00:17:36.099
other tips they've given is you need to give your child lots of space to ask questions and discuss how they feel before and after. And it needs to be really centered on them, because it's their space.
00:17:36.130 --> 00:17:43.210
I said, if you don't feel comfortable, then he doesn't come. You are first.
00:17:40.029 --> 00:17:49.329
This is your home. That's the priority. And if you don't feel that's okay, then it doesn't happen. And that's cool.
00:17:50.680 --> 00:18:17.410
Right? And that's quite a tricky thing to do, isn't it? If your child then says, Well, I don't want them around, because they're trying to control the situation, it must feel hard for some parents if they think well, I just want to be happy. But I guess you just have to give it time, because if it is going to be a long term relationship, it needs to be done slowly. With respect
00:18:17.440 --> 00:18:25.119
Exactly. That's what my partner and I've always said, we're in this for the long haul.
00:18:20.559 --> 00:18:31.569
Like we know that for sure. So if it takes a few more weeks, few more months, and everybody's cool. Yeah, that is what we do.
00:18:31.000 --> 00:19:19.599
And I think Jamie's mentioned that her daughter - sometimes she's happy sometimes she's not. And her partner was amazing. He doesn't have kids, but he said I come from a divorced family. And I understand that this is a bit of a roller coaster. It's about checking in with her daughter and understanding that as a teenager, you can feel very vulnerable. Yeah. And she'll think one of the big things is what happens to my relationship with my parent? So if I was a teenager in that situation, I'd be thinking, well hang on a second. So you're moving where do I fit in?
00:19:19.000 --> 00:19:39.490
And we've been very close. And I had been on my own for a long time, I'd had, you know, some relationships, but not for a long time. So you have a way of being in the home, and then suddenly, because I want to spend time with my partner when he's in the home and we're sitting chatting and it's different for them, you know?
00:19:35.680 --> 00:19:50.559
Yeah, it's just checking in all the time and this conversation has made me think I need to just check in again. It's been a little while since I've checked in on it. I think it's fine, but I want to have that conversation.
00:19:50.559 --> 00:19:55.569
Yeah, absolutely whatever they're feeling, it's valid.
00:19:55.000 --> 00:20:58.359
If you're playing a game with it, or however you want to word it, maybe there's some sort of manipulation there's a reason for it. Because I have found and I've been beautifully surprised with his kids as well. We've been really lucky, everyone's got on really well. But we have been really intentional with it as well. I think it's both. They actually have delighted in me being happy. And his kids delight in him being happy. And there's a different vibe in the house when he's there. It's like, it's really fun. It's really, you know, he'll cook dinner and there's like a running joke or great Mike's here. We're gonna get great dinner, and I go along with it.
00:20:59.950 --> 00:21:04.420
It's an, we've tried to see it.
00:20:59.950 --> 00:21:13.000
This is an addition, rather than a takeaway. But anyone feels like it's taking away from our family then we'll have a break from it, you know, maybe he doesn't come around tonight.
00:21:13.000 --> 00:21:17.410
And I think it's that it's being explicit.
00:21:17.410 --> 00:21:42.430
And funnily enough, I think I wasn't sure that my nugget really fed into this, but I think it does, because I think as adults, we often think, well, of course, they know I love them. Of course, they wouldn't think for a second that I don't like them just because I didn't say something. But I think we need to be very deliberate and explicit in how we manage it, how important their feelings and thoughts are. And it's better to be a little bit over than under.
00:21:42.460 --> 00:21:55.960
Yeah, yeah. Because I've had you don't have to ask us anymore. And I said, Well, I'm probably going to still do that just because I think it's important.
00:21:56.890 --> 00:21:59.349
And what about displays of affection?
00:22:00.789 --> 00:22:02.920
That's a good one.
00:22:00.789 --> 00:22:03.339
Yeah, we've been told to get a room
00:22:06.309 --> 00:22:08.230
by whom your friends or your children
00:22:11.710 --> 00:22:17.710
My youngest, they laugh about it, but we kind of, we've talked about it as well, actually, it's double, isn't it?
00:22:17.710 --> 00:22:35.349
It's like, I want my kids to see what a loving relationship looks like. I think that's really important and really healthy for them. And I don't want anyone feeling awkward or embarrassed or squirming. So it's getting that balance. So I'm really, natural together. But we know we're not putting anyone
00:22:35.740 --> 00:22:42.339
Yes, I think just go low on that; small acts of affection , rather than, you know, snogging them in front of you.
00:22:43.150 --> 00:22:44.259
He does not do that!
00:22:43.980 --> 00:23:54.598
It's interesting, isn't it? Because I've got lots of friends who've tried and failed at introducing new partners. And part of it is I think to do with, you know, is it the right time? What's the dynamic and you know, with one of my friends, he had a really great partner who he loved and respected and thought was fantastic. But he was in a space in his relationship with his kids, where he just wasn't ready to include her fully in his life. And that's meant that they can't go forward because I think she felt like, I need more commitment. And this is the problem when you've got partners who are at different stages of that process. Somehow, you've all got to be prepared to move things forward. He said, You know, my kids come first, I have to prioritize their needs. And if she can't accept what I need to look after them, it's not going to work. And this is the sad thing about it. You can find the most amazing partner but when your lives are in different states, she's in a very different stage in her life. And so that's
00:23:54.559 --> 00:24:06.049
really painful. It's very painful. But it's also really telling isn't it? You know, where it's really telling for the relationship because maybe there's something in it that is holding somebody back.
00:24:06.000 --> 00:24:10.890
I think that's very, you can't make things happen when they're not right.
00:24:08.700 --> 00:24:51.480
They're not going to happen. So I read a fantastic piece by Cassidy Littlejohn, who had some excellent feedback. She had been a 17 year old who came home to find a woman sitting on her dad's lap giggling Oh, oh, so she wrote a great piece for parents.com about how do you do it from the viewpoint of a teenager? Number one headline'tell us you're dating. So you know with her she came home and found he was dating this woman she didn't know anything about it. You can say, I know this might be weird to talk about but I want you to know that I'm giving dating another chance.
00:24:52.559 --> 00:25:22.799
And I want you to be able to trust me. And so she said one of the most important things was to give your intentions about dating. So what happens is your teenager is looking at it going out there dating, there's somebody, they're instantly going to think well hang on, how do I fit into this? Do you expect me to be involved in any way? Like, am I supposed to get to know this person? Am I supposed to like them? And how does it affect our relationship?
00:25:20.160 --> 00:25:32.250
So you need to be conscious of these things and think, Okay, I'm going to be honest with them and say, I am seeing this person, and then just say, what you expect. So just say, you don't need to worry about it.
00:25:32.250 --> 00:25:44.609
I'm not expecting you to get on with them or anything, I'm just dating or you can say, at some point, it might be nice for you to meet. But you're my priority.
00:25:38.369 --> 00:25:45.599
So let's do it sometime when you're comfortable.
00:25:45.000 --> 00:25:50.670
So it's not a shock, because that sounds like it was a shock to that girl.
00:25:50.670 --> 00:26:19.049
Oh, my goodness. And then when you want them to meet again, you just ask'Are you ready to to meet them?' And she said she would have felt it much less painfully if there had been that sense of mutual respect. So what you're doing when you're saying to your teenager, are you ready? Is your acknowledging that they may not be ready, and that then their feelings about this really matter?
00:26:19.000 --> 00:26:24.700
Yeah. And then be willing to say, Okay, if they say I'm not ready to respect that, instead of trying to force it.
00:26:24.789 --> 00:27:03.130
Yes, then the next headline she had was, don't expect us to love your partner immediately. Just because you like them or love them does not mean that that's going to be how I feel. And she said, You need to give your teen room to chat about that relationship. And you can ask them key things like, what were your thoughts? How did you feel about it? Were you comfortable? Would you be okay about spending a bit more time with this person in the future and let them have space. And it may be that it needs to be in the car, or it needs to be last thing at night when they're ready to talk about it.
00:27:03.339 --> 00:27:46.049
I found mine were very different. Like some of them, I had to be careful. Some of them - sounds like I've got hundreds- it's only three. You know, don't want that responsibility that starts to become a responsibility. You have to be careful. Don't ask too many 'What do you think? Is this okay with you is are you alright? So they're going I don't know, you decide. It's your partner, you have to really find that balance of respect of involving them. It's not their responsibility to decide anything. I am also the adult, and we're going to call those shots as well, yes, but it depends on the kid, There is often another side to it. So there's,
00:27:39.029 --> 00:27:58.782
The lady who contacted us. The reason her partner didn't introduce her to the children for two years, even you know, the parents have divorced, obviously, or split though it was very painful, was that his child had met his exes up, which is why there's a new one, hopefully, otherwise, that partner quite quickly, bonded with her, and then that relationship broke down. And he'd found that very painful.
00:27:58.853 --> 00:28:04.920
And so what you want to do is you want to say, don't worry, would be even more complicated.
00:28:02.220 --> 00:28:08.339
But if the other partner has you don't have to get to know these people, the most important already had experiences then the children are affected by that.
00:28:07.439 --> 00:28:18.118
thing is our relationship. Keep that connection really tight and So my ex has had various relationships where he lives strong. And don't let dating get in the way of your own abroad. And they have I don't know all the details, but they relationship with your teenager.
00:28:16.079 --> 00:28:18.089
have been sort of introduced very quickly to a whole family.
00:28:18.119 --> 00:29:01.109
And then actually one of them just disappeared. And that was really difficult. And because they live abroad that maybe makes it more black and white, but now there's a new partner, and they were immediately introduced to the whole family.
00:29:01.109 --> 00:29:26.730
And that's gone really well, I think, which is brilliant. But they then have a new what is normal, my kids were like, 'Oh, we're going to we're going to meet Mike's kids,' and we were really slow with that really, really intentional with that side of it. Yeah, so there's this, it's not just yours, there's probably an ex who's doing or not doing other things that has colored how the kids see all of us.
00:29:26.000 --> 00:29:34.549
I mean, once we've had kids, it's not like just meeting one other person.
00:29:29.119 --> 00:29:49.279
There's an entire backstory so this stuff is complicated. It's not like falling in love when you're 16 Then just remembering also that teenagers are, whatever age they are as a teenager, it's stressful because they're taking on an awful lot.
00:29:46.009 --> 00:29:55.400
They learning a lot. And so all change is stressful to everybody. So having another thing that's changing can be so just too much.
00:29:56.650 --> 00:30:35.980
there's lots going on. It's complicated. And you want to make it as gentle as possible and not burden them with any of this and make it more complicated. And they have undeveloped brains and are really pragmatic and live in the moment. So if you come in and make it fun and say we've got a takeaway, they're probably gonna go Yeah, we like him. if your baseline connection is good you can have these conversations. If it isn't, then this is more complicated.
00:30:35.980 --> 00:30:38.200
Yes, back to connection with your teenager.
00:30:38.319 --> 00:31:07.299
Stick with that, make sure that's solid, and then they can deal with a lot more. Yes. So what do you think, have you had experience of this, we're starting to go back on some of the topics that we've talked about. But they're all slightly different, and we come at an angle. So you know, we're always willing to go into things if you contact us and say, I've got
00:31:07.049 --> 00:31:07.839
I do know an opposite story. Whereas with this issue.
00:31:10.156 --> 00:31:27.690
somebody who, introduced somebody very quickly, didn't really think about it. Because they didn't expect it to be a problem, and it's caused huge amounts of problems. And really it's been awful. So being intentional, is really important,
00:31:27.839 --> 00:31:42.329
I think, intentional, slow, and constantly checking in with your first priority, which is your child. It just is Yeah. And eventually they'll fly the nest and go and live their life but just knowing that connection is there is important
00:31:44.190 --> 00:31:57.420
if your partner is in it for the long haul, then they're there for your kids as well and they've had these conversations and then the kids pick up on that. And my kids all feel that which is really lovely. Yes.
00:31:58.049 --> 00:32:22.443
So if you've enjoyed this episode, then why not help other parents tell your friends tell the school subscribe to our podcast that makes a big difference if you can do that that would be very helpful. If you can send us a review. You can sign up to receive all the latest on our own website where there's a blog reviews links to every episode and ways to contact us That's www.teenagersuntangled.com.
00:32:22.505 --> 00:32:24.029
Susie has her own website
00:32:24.029 --> 00:32:28.108
www.amindful-life.com
00:32:28.769 --> 00:32:31.980
and you can contact her to ask her questions
00:32:32.009 --> 00:32:35.789
book a free call you can do a free 15 minute call with me so yes, go ahead.
00:32:36.059 --> 00:32:38.369
So that's it for now. And anything else?
00:32:39.480 --> 00:33:19.950
No, goodbye for now.
