April 22, 2025
139: Preparing for secondary school, friendship groups, and those awkward talks about porn and sexting
The player is loading ...
What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?
In this episode my teens, Phoebe and Amelia, joined me in the studio to help answer some questions emailed in by listeners, and sent to me on social media.
We kick off by chatting about exploring their identity and what they think is the key to gettting them out of their bedrooms.
*So sorry about the quality of the audio on their microphones. I do everything on my own so I haven't yet perfected having to manage the sound on two people, and don't yet have the editing skills to fix the issues in post-production.
QUESTIONS:
1: My 14 year old is such a lovely, talented and kind girl. She had lovely friends, and she's very sweet and kind towards them all the time. Exclamation mark, now when she is in a foul mood, I'm the first and only person she takes out her anger and frustration on. Can you shed some light on this scenario for me?
2: I have a 13 year old girl who belongs to one of those large friend groups you discussed on one of the podcasts. Many times she feels left out if she does not get invited to something, I try my best speaking with her and letting her make her own choices on how she handles her feelings. Sometimes I really have the urge to call the other mum who is hosting a group of girls and ask her for help, tell her what's going on. How it sucks to feel left out. I've never called anyone because I want to teach my daughter than life, there were, will be many times like this, and you have to learn to deal with those feelings. And I don't want to be a helicopter mom. Am I doing the right thing?
3: Could you talk about starting secondary school? Can you remember what it was like?
Thank you so much for your support.
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk
WEBVTT
00:00:02.819 --> 00:00:28.280
Rachel, hello and welcome to teenagers. Untangled the audio hug for parents going through the teen and tween years. I'm Rachel Richards parenting coach, journalist, mother of two teenagers and two bonus daughters. It's the school holidays, so I've managed to lure my two teens into my studio to answer some great listener questions, and they're both just laughing at me every time I do that intro. I don't know why it's so funny. Hi Phoebe, how Amelia.
00:00:34.340 --> 00:00:47.740
Recently we've discussed identity on my podcast. We've also discussed how to get teens out of their rooms. I just thought quickly before we go on to the listener question. The listener questions, identity.
00:00:43.060 --> 00:00:49.119
You girls have started using Pinterest a lot more, haven't you?
00:00:49.179 --> 00:00:55.119
Oh my gosh. Best from the social media, right? Why anti social? Anti social? Social
00:00:55.179 --> 00:00:59.079
because it's such a feminine thing. It's completely untouched by men.
00:01:00.219 --> 00:01:09.000
Why do you it's just you what I mean, that's your take on it, but I'm sure it depends on how you tailor your your Pinterest page, yeah, yeah.
00:01:06.239 --> 00:01:23.840
But I mean, like, you know, yeah, I'm sure boys could use it as well. Oh no, for sure. And then they will get like, I have, I mean, not to stereotype, but I have a board which is full of cars. Like, yes, just depending
00:01:25.400 --> 00:01:26.599
on your identity.
00:01:26.719 --> 00:01:31.280
Yeah, it's mood boards.
00:01:26.719 --> 00:01:43.480
I mostly meant, like, from myself, because all of the stuff that I'm getting on my on my Pinterest page, is all, yeah, it's all perfectly tailored towards you, yeah, just like that.
00:01:43.959 --> 00:01:54.400
Yeah, yeah, I like that. And Phoebe, before we came in, you said you had this new idea about how you were going to sort of re do your room, because there are lots of blank spaces.
00:01:54.400 --> 00:02:00.219
Well, my walls have been really bare for quite a long time, and for some reason, every single time I put up a picture, it falls
00:02:01.780 --> 00:02:05.340
down. It's hilarious.
00:02:01.780 --> 00:02:05.340
Down. We've
00:02:05.340 --> 00:02:09.120
tried hammering in.
00:02:05.340 --> 00:02:11.879
We've tried sticky sellotape stuff, yeah, and
00:02:11.879 --> 00:02:19.620
I had a map up there that's just recently. So, um, so I've decided, and I was thinking of getting posters or, you know,
00:02:20.819 --> 00:02:23.120
but I get tired, yeah, photos,
00:02:23.419 --> 00:02:37.759
so I'm going to write down any lyrics or sort of sayings or poems that I really like or that like resonate with me, and basically tell my Roman to like a walking book
00:02:37.879 --> 00:02:41.560
I love. Yeah, I want to cover the walls? Yeah,
00:02:42.219 --> 00:02:56.560
I actually, I actually started trying to do that in my rooms. I actually did decide to put up a picture wall, and whenever you want to go in there. Now it's just all the pictures. I think it's because our house is quite slanted.
00:02:56.919 --> 00:02:59.860
Our house has no straight wall. Yeah, exactly.
00:03:01.360 --> 00:03:05.280
It's, yeah, and it's wattle and daub in places. Yeah, it's cute.
00:03:05.280 --> 00:03:12.360
It's input, like we are. But how are you going to get those things to stay up? Well, currently, I'm using washi tape.
00:03:13.139 --> 00:03:26.659
Washi Tape is great. Another creative thing. I love your washi tape. It's very colorful, yeah, like a masking tape so it doesn't hurt. Yeah, I love that idea. Gosh, you girls are very creative, right? Okay, let's get on to the listener questions.
00:03:26.659 --> 00:03:38.599
Number one, my 14 year old is such a lovely, talented and kind girl. She had lovely friends, and she's very sweet and kind towards them all the time.
00:03:34.759 --> 00:03:44.860
Exclamation mark, now when she is in a foul mood, I'm the first and only person she takes out her anger and frustration on.
00:03:41.979 --> 00:03:47.500
Can you shed some light on this scenario for me? Please go me.
00:03:48.219 --> 00:04:29.540
Yeah, I feel like I should take this one. It's okay when you're when you're trying really, really hard with other people, when you find, when there's somebody you can just completely, you know, is going to be there forever, and you know, is like you can't you, but it feels like you can't do anything to push them away, and you can't really release that emotion anywhere else. Like for me, I tend, I used to when I was kind of Yeah, I tended to take it out on my mom, but that was, yeah, that, like, all I can say is take it as a sign of love, because it means that she really, she feels like she can be herself around you.
00:04:29.720 --> 00:04:57.459
And I think something that you said to me last night, which is quite pertinent, was even though it might feel like your child is pushing you away, or, you know, like getting angry, or things like that. They, they actually deeply want you to be there. So don't take it personally. Things that they're like, trying to push you away, or, yeah, want you to back off. They, they actually will be there more than ever, probably when they're having Yes, yes. And so, yeah, don't. Don't take it personally at
00:04:57.459 --> 00:05:07.560
all. And it's probably, I mean, this girl is super lovely to. All her friends. It sounds to me like she's probably trying really hard to be really lovely with her friends, which means that some of that's got to come out
00:05:07.560 --> 00:05:16.199
somewhere. Yeah, it's exhausted, yeah. And when you find somebody who you can, like, share like, share that emotion, your emotions with, then you know, it kind of all comes out.
00:05:16.319 --> 00:05:16.680
Yeah. And
00:05:16.680 --> 00:05:18.720
I think 14 is right in the thick of it. Oh, yeah.
00:05:18.720 --> 00:05:20.100
14 is not a fun age.
00:05:21.899 --> 00:05:39.620
Yeah. So that's yeah, that's sort of what I said to her. When people email in, I feel very I feel like they've shared something that's obviously pain is causing them pain, and I feel I really need to respond quite quickly. So I do tend to try and give a kind of rough and ready answer, but it's lovely to unpack it a bit with you girls.
00:05:37.279 --> 00:05:49.660
So yeah, that's pretty much what I'd said to her. Take it as a compliment. One other thing before we move on to the next question. So how do you keep your teens out of their room? Or how do you lure them out of their bedroom?
00:05:50.500 --> 00:05:56.079
I actually, I feel like we don't really need to be lured out of our room.
00:05:52.899 --> 00:06:01.199
Well, I mean, I don't know about you, but I much prefer being in the kitchen, for example, like I feel like we kind of congregate in the kitchen. You'll
00:06:01.199 --> 00:06:07.319
do yes, because that, because we have an agar, because it's warm, yeah, I make sure the rest of the house is really cold,
00:06:09.060 --> 00:06:26.240
because it's such a social area and and I personally feel quite isolated if I don't remember too long interesting. So I always find myself returning to the kitchen, but that's probably what it is then, you know, making it a really sociable space, yeah, and
00:06:26.240 --> 00:07:03.060
welcoming, yeah, yeah, personally. So my room is my place where I completely, like, decompress, which is so I'm very, very, I get really uncomfortable when other people go in my room. Yes, I think, yes. I think that might be to do that, like, that's your, that's my, yeah, exactly. Not that the house isn't a safe space, but it's like, that is the only place that's like, purely mine, and that's only mine. So that might be one of the reasons why your team is spending so much time in their room. The reason why I come down is because, yeah, I like talking to people, but, yeah, you have
00:07:03.060 --> 00:07:05.339
actually moved your room. Yeah, I changed
00:07:05.339 --> 00:07:18.000
room. So my I my old room was on the top floor, and it was very far away from everybody, and I felt kind of disconnected, and it was kind of an effort, because I had to walk up two flights of
00:07:21.480 --> 00:07:22.459
stairs exercise.
00:07:24.259 --> 00:07:30.620
Yeah, but the being near to you guys was was a main contributing factor. So it says,
00:07:30.860 --> 00:07:40.180
Yeah, and that's lovely. And I can hear in the morning, I can hear when your alarm goes off on your build me up buttercup, Music, please. And I just sit there and think one day I'm going to really miss this,
00:07:42.040 --> 00:08:03.240
right? Yeah, well, no, I was just gonna say, I think it also depends on what they're doing in that room, because also, you know, sometimes people want to watch TV on their own, or like they've got their own series, but it's a nice thing to start a show as a family like my decompressing time is watching television with like, you guys, so we like
00:08:03.240 --> 00:08:07.199
to do it as a No, I
00:08:07.199 --> 00:08:12.660
like, it's quite a social Yeah, versus weird to say yes. Like, it's nice sharing that.
00:08:12.779 --> 00:08:26.959
I mean, okay, I watch a lot of TV on my own, so don't, don't get scared if your team starts watching TV. Like, it's a very normal thing. But yeah, I do like I do find it more the thing that I like to do with other people,
00:08:27.319 --> 00:08:53.799
though, and your dad is the person we need to lure out of the room is both his bedroom, I have found that he has his own little speakers, and he takes much of the bedroom, goes and has a shower, lies on the bed in his towel with his speakers playing his music. But I think maybe he's forming his own identity away from all the estrogen in the house. It must be quite stressful. Okay?
00:08:50.620 --> 00:09:10.080
Question number two, I have a 13 year old girl who belongs to one of those large friend groups you discussed on one of the podcasts. Many times she feels left out if she does not get invited to something, I try my best speaking with her and letting her make her own choices on how she handles her feelings.
00:09:06.059 --> 00:09:28.399
Sometimes I really have the urge to call the other mum who is hosting a group of girls and ask her for help, tell her what's going on. How it sucks to feel left out. I've never called anyone because I want to teach my daughter than life, there were, will be many times like this, and you have to learn to deal with those feelings. And I don't want to be a helicopter mom. Am I doing the right thing?
00:09:29.600 --> 00:10:06.120
How old did you say? She was 13? Yeah, don't call the other people's moms. That would absolutely that would be so bad, because it's like, when you're in a room for like, people like, I don't know, you're in a classroom and there are other people playing games on their laptops, and you tell the teacher, like, that's only going to make things worse. So it's really good. They haven't called the other mom. Yeah. So far, honestly, 13, like, when you start senior school, or even if they're in secondary school, 13 is, like, one of the most tricky Ages i i find, yeah, like. Um, I feel like, if she has started senior school, everybody's first year of senior school sucks.
00:10:06.120 --> 00:10:29.659
Like, seriously, I wouldn't start stressing. And large friend groups are really, really hard, but I was in a very large friend group from 13 to 14, and when I left that school, not they wouldn't have happened if I stayed. But when I left, I like, gained like, two really, really good friends from it, and I'm still friends with them now, yeah, so there will be people that who but it
00:10:29.659 --> 00:10:40.659
is true, and there's nothing really that a parent can do other than help them practice the words to express their feelings and navigate it. The best
00:10:40.658 --> 00:10:46.719
thing that I would say that you can do is just be there for her, because other than that, like getting involved is only gonna make things worse,
00:10:46.779 --> 00:10:53.740
and being there for her is allowing her to unpack her feelings and thoughts without jumping in and trying to fix it.
00:10:53.919 --> 00:11:08.519
Yeah, so hard for us mums, because we feel that pain. We were transported way back to when we were teenagers, feeling so vulnerable, and we desperately want to protect our children. So it is very hard, but we have to keep a lid on it, don't we? Also
00:11:08.519 --> 00:11:29.538
another thing that I'd say, there is a very big difference between venting and looking for advice a lot of the time along the time when your team is wrong. So many times every it's a learning process for everyone, including the actual team. But like, a lot of the time when they're like venting to you, don't give them advice, because that's just an important
00:11:29.538 --> 00:11:36.918
you should ask if your if your team comes to you with a problem, just start off by saying, Are you looking for advice or just someone to
00:11:38.120 --> 00:11:49.539
almost every time it's going to be Yeah, no time, but they might at the end of it, say, What do you think? And if they ask that, you genuinely, really just be careful, yeah?
00:11:50.320 --> 00:11:50.919
Because,
00:11:50.980 --> 00:11:53.679
yeah, that's dangerous area. Yeah, yeah, but, but
00:11:53.679 --> 00:11:59.259
you can slowly work if you make mistakes, you just go, I'm sorry. Yeah, we've done all that, haven't we got it wrong?
00:11:59.259 --> 00:12:00.179
And then we've gone back
00:12:00.179 --> 00:12:20.159
again? No, but you think when I've got it wrong, that's I think that that's not the best way to look at it. I'm gonna be honest, because saying, Oh yeah, I've got this wrong as a parent, like, everybody gets things wrong, like, makes mistakes all the time, just because that's not what somebody was looking for doesn't mean that you've got it wrong. It means you've had a learning process, yes, where you've, like, found something.
00:12:20.580 --> 00:12:20.899
Yes,
00:12:21.019 --> 00:12:23.960
hopefully I learned.
00:12:21.019 --> 00:12:27.440
And actually, while we're on the subject, so do you think we've covered the big group? You haven't really
00:12:27.679 --> 00:12:47.200
been and I've never struggled with thermo. I struggled with thermo in larger situations where I just feel like I'm not doing what I should be as a team. That was what I had. That was my feelings in like, when I was 13 or 14, yeah, because I wasn't really going to that many parties, I wasn't getting invited to these things.
00:12:44.559 --> 00:12:54.879
It wasn't that I was being left out, but I just wasn't having these experiences. Yeah, and nothing anyone said about the parties not being good or anything like that would change I felt
00:12:54.879 --> 00:12:57.279
until I got Sure. Yeah.
00:12:54.879 --> 00:12:57.700
So we talked about that the other day.
00:12:57.700 --> 00:13:29.000
Nothing's as good as it sounds. But what I would say is that obviously, if she's the only person in the group being left out of things, then that's really quite damaging and upsetting. It really is, and it's also probably a sign that she doesn't need to find some new friends because of friendship like no one's there for her in that scenario, if she's being left out, but over and over again, and she's doing one if there are other people being left out, then maybe she could go and arrange things to do with them.
00:13:29.360 --> 00:13:29.779
Yeah,
00:13:29.899 --> 00:13:45.100
because the target is the target, the person who gets left out is sort of the target, and the target can move, but if it's never shifting, then it probably means that actually they're not really suited to that. That's not their tribe, and she probably never will.
00:13:42.279 --> 00:13:56.919
She's having to work too hard to stay in that tribe, and she but it's very hard to do that and maybe get the school involved in perhaps teaching her in different positions, or see if there are any clubs, not saying she's got a problem, just saying, are there other girls that she can get to know
00:13:57.339 --> 00:14:05.999
even, yeah. So yeah. I mean, even with getting the school involved. Like, if it's like, oh yeah. Like, go into other clubs. Like, for her sake, yes, herself.
00:14:06.419 --> 00:14:10.379
Don't mention, don't call dynamics of the group. No, yeah, don't,
00:14:10.379 --> 00:14:30.379
but also, don't contact the school saying that. Like, something like, yeah, actually being really left out, because, from experience that I have had, I yeah, um, again. Like people like, if this, if the school finds out that something's wrong, they will do everything in their power to fix it. But a lot of the time is very obvious and not very helpful. Very
00:14:30.379 --> 00:14:41.678
good point, very good point. Like, so basically, we've got to just support them to figure it out, yeah, but, but, but also encouraging them that actually, if you are being left out a lot, then maybe that's
00:14:41.679 --> 00:14:44.860
not. Yeah, it's not, it's not, but finding another friend group is
00:14:46.298 --> 00:14:47.678
that's why I was alone a lot.
00:14:50.740 --> 00:15:00.899
But neither of you were the kind of the top dog sort of center of attention. But actually, as you've grown and you've made great friends, you've started to go, oh, that's what a great friend. Is, yeah,
00:15:01.318 --> 00:15:12.058
so I would say that I really, really struggled for FOMO. So not, not even just like, Oh yeah, I'm getting like, properly left out this group, like, for example, last night.
00:15:12.058 --> 00:15:42.038
So my sister and our dog have a really good relationship, and last night, I be watching a TV series together, and I left to go go get ready for bed, and the only thing that was in my mind was, oh my god, I'm missing out on, yeah, and I was like, oh my god, I'm missing out on, like this, first this TV series, and then the dog, and then all this stuff. And obviously it's really, really, like, stupid that I'm feeling like I was feeling like that, because like that isn't even, like, a small issue, that's
00:15:42.038 --> 00:15:53.379
a really hard thing to manage, isn't it? And I think that as you grow older, you'll learn to understand, yeah, that there's nothing you're not really missing something, and you'll learn to love yourself, yeah. Really never
00:15:53.740 --> 00:16:10.259
FOMO. Like getting rid of FOMO, I'm I've become so much better with it, but you have, yeah, yes. It really comes to maturity and, like, age and yeah, and yeah, security and everything. Yeah, security, yeah, yeah. Okay.
00:16:10.259 --> 00:16:31.458
Well, so while we're on the topic of that sort of age group, this is starting secondary school, and I get lots of emails from parents who've got kids that age, because that's such a critical, Pivotal age. And one mum said, could you talk about starting secondary school? Can you remember what it was like? Of course, for sure.
00:16:27.259 --> 00:16:31.458
And do you have any advice?
00:16:31.820 --> 00:16:36.799
Oh, my God, starting Secondary School is awful. It's actually horrific.
00:16:37.820 --> 00:16:55.299
And you Phoebe started at the tail end of COVID. So you ended up in a school where they still were wearing masks. They were still controlling the environment to the extent that you couldn't have freedom. Was that the same with you? Yeah, but Phoebe's was a lot worse.
00:16:52.299 --> 00:17:09.240
Yeah, right. Oh, they had the same thing. But yeah, we had masks. We had one resistance. We had COVID testing. Gosh, in Matt, just starting in that I wanted to put that in because, actually, that will be slightly different people starting now, but it, all it did was exacerbate, I mean, how stressful it is.
00:17:09.240 --> 00:17:29.779
We weren't even allowed to socialize in the evening, so we basically, we would congregate and mass. It like en masse. I don't know, 200 of us in our year group, but we every like every single time that we tried to socialize, we would get told off and all together,
00:17:31.460 --> 00:17:37.579
really tough, because it's hard enough as it is, and you both went to schools where you didn't really know anyone.
00:17:37.700 --> 00:17:38.180
Oh yeah,
00:17:38.180 --> 00:17:56.859
I was the only one from my school that I've I've found it particularly hard because there were groups of children who had moved up together into the secondary school, so they already had all these established friend groups, and I knew no one, and COVID didn't help with that, because I then found it really, really difficult to make connections with people, and
00:17:56.859 --> 00:18:03.180
part of that is because you went to such a small school that There wasn't an en masse movement to any particular school.
00:18:03.180 --> 00:18:20.279
And for me, I, like I started secondary school when I was 13, whereas everybody in the school I went to had started when they were 11, so a lot of the friend groups had also formed then. But again, starting Secondary School is awful.
00:18:20.279 --> 00:18:26.119
Everybody is really, really insecure. Everybody who nobody knows who they are. Everybody's trying to fit in with the crowd.
00:18:26.119 --> 00:18:30.920
Like, seriously, it's that is the beginning of the teen years.
00:18:30.920 --> 00:18:33.680
And I would say the that is the hardest part. If
00:18:33.680 --> 00:18:49.839
you talk to teachers and headmasters of secondary schools, they say that the teachers in the primary schools look at them and say, What did you do to them? But it's not, it's not what the teachers did to them. It's that they've gone through this very difficult transition, and you mix them all up and expect them to all Yeah,
00:18:49.839 --> 00:18:56.140
it's because they grew down. Yeah. You become aware of other people's opinions of you.
00:18:52.839 --> 00:19:11.339
Yes, you become aware of social dynamics. And also, you can't have your parents fixing things for you. So when we were when you're in primary school, if you have maybe getting into an argument with somebody, your mom can just call the other mom up and be like, Oh, yeah. Can we have a play date or something?
00:19:07.799 --> 00:19:21.319
That was like, Yeah, but you can't. Those aren't you can't do that in secondary school, because if you do that, it's gonna make the whole situation a lot worse. Getting other people involved just escalates things so much so
00:19:21.319 --> 00:19:33.559
top tips. Top Tips, because I remember with you, I said, just go in and really, just be friendly and go and join things. And when you went in, really positive, yeah, you actually were really positive.
00:19:31.220 --> 00:19:35.480
You really enjoyed that first week. Yeah, really good.
00:19:35.900 --> 00:19:52.299
Yeah, it was, it was, it was fine. It was, yeah, one of the things I would say is don't go in completely guns basing, especially if you're in a secondary school where there are preform pre film friend groups.
00:19:49.059 --> 00:20:02.279
If everybody's new, that's fine, but like, because you want to take a couple of minutes to suss out who you want to be friends with, yeah, because I went in guns BA. Was in first person I saw. I was like, Oh, perfect.
00:20:02.279 --> 00:20:03.299
That's gonna be my friend
00:20:03.299 --> 00:20:07.259
for the rest of the year. People do it at university too, so trust me, yeah, but you
00:20:07.259 --> 00:20:14.339
do want to take some time to actually figure out who the people are. I got some really, really good friends out of it, so I'm not complaining.
00:20:12.660 --> 00:20:14.339
But
00:20:15.359 --> 00:20:30.019
yeah, I think, I think that's right. I think talk to everyone. Be really, yes, like, love, yeah, but yeah, exactly. Don't yourself down, kind of exactly, as you said, kind of hold back a little bit, just suss out who you're working, like, dealing with.
00:20:30.140 --> 00:20:33.559
Also, if you see any form of click, don't join it.
00:20:33.619 --> 00:20:42.400
Yeah, I like that, um, and yeah, I would just say, kind of throw us should be joining as many clubs as Yeah, just
00:20:42.400 --> 00:20:44.859
try everything.
00:20:42.400 --> 00:20:46.720
And it doesn't mean you have to stick to it, but that's how you meet people. So
00:20:46.720 --> 00:20:58.059
as a parent, because often parents say, if you join this, you've got to, but actually what we should be doing, as parents are saying, try it all. Just just go out see where you try to figure out who you are.
00:20:54.640 --> 00:21:22.339
And yeah, like, I the pressure on kids when they first get into senior school to do all those sorts of things. There were people drinking a lot, people vaping, people everything. And if your kid stumbles, so I would say, prepare your child. Talk through the topics with them beforehand, sex thing, all those things they really need to know about this stuff before, before the pressure hits, and then, and then they're ready, prepared also.
00:21:22.339 --> 00:21:31.339
And one of the things I would say, don't try and talk about some some stuff too early.
00:21:25.460 --> 00:21:51.460
Like, if so, for example, with sexting when you're I mean, obviously it's different for different people, but when I was 13, I did not like, that wasn't even on my radar. Like, I didn't really like associate with, like, boys in general, and like, you did have conversations with about that kind of thing, but like, I would like props to you, because, like, that's kind of hard thing to do with your kid.
00:21:51.460 --> 00:22:06.299
But for me, that was kind of out of the blue. I was a bit like, Where's this coming from? Who said, yeah, yes, she Yes, it can Yeah. It's very different with different kids, yeah, but the point is, is, like, it's good to imagine, you know what? You've
00:22:06.299 --> 00:22:23.240
hit the nail on the head. And this is one of the problems that this headmaster, Andrew Hampton, has when I was talking to him about talking about masculinity, for example, because he said he thinks, really, the good age is 11. But he said the problem you've got with any of these discussions is some kids at 11 are really, really immature, not immature.
00:22:23.420 --> 00:22:33.680
They're still young because they because, which is wonderful. And then you've got other kids who've been exposed to all sorts of things and are at great risk.
00:22:29.660 --> 00:23:00.339
And how do you have those conversations in a way that you protect them? So there was a girl in your midst who ended up being caught out. I know other children similar age who got caught out and because they were utterly innocent and their parents didn't know to prepare them. So I do think that these conversations are critically important, even if they feel very uncomfortable for the child, and the child's going, Well, wait a second. People do that. What are you talking about? Right? Yeah, it's still worth having those conversations. I
00:23:00.339 --> 00:23:05.099
still remember getting into the car, getting picked up from school.
00:23:06.480 --> 00:23:10.380
There was no How was your days in? It was so Phoebe. Let's talk about Paul.
00:23:13.019 --> 00:23:37.700
That was what I was thinking about when I said that, because I was on the way to birthday party. I yeah, I had almost been dropped off my mom goes, by the way, porn is not the same in real life as it is on the internet. And I was like, I'm going to really never birthday party. Like, where is this coming from? So,
00:23:37.700 --> 00:23:42.819
just so you know, I am.
00:23:37.700 --> 00:24:01.980
I make massive mistakes. I do, yes, and I think part of that is that panic where I was sitting in the car and I think, Oh, it's a car journey, and I've got this in my head. I need to have this conversation. I know. I know. Anyway, yeah, we all get make mistakes. It's fine. And then you get to laugh about it later, if you're still alive and your kids haven't killed you.
00:24:02.640 --> 00:24:41.500
Oh, also, another thing I'd like to add to that, so if your child does have social media, they're probably being be being exposed to stuff, especially to do with, like, alcohol being and possibly like, like kind of sexual stuff. If they're boy, they're avoid, they're probably being exposed from Red Pill content, because that's kind of the target age, which like it's for. If they don't, then they're probably going to be getting FOMO. But they do your you might be wanting to check up on them and just look out for signs that this kind of thing is is taking place,
00:24:41.500 --> 00:24:46.000
yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's all about knowing your child Don't be judgmental,
00:24:46.359 --> 00:24:52.839
because then if they obviously, if they're exposed to this, or they do start baby or whatever, and then they wake up, yes, because
00:24:52.839 --> 00:24:58.720
we catastrophize, we think, Oh, my goodness, what does this say? My child's going to be a drug addict, or they're going to be, you know, you said, I have
00:24:58.720 --> 00:25:02.640
friends who in.
00:24:58.720 --> 00:25:13.200
In year nine, vaped because, if it was, they thought it was cool, and now they're so anti vape, most of the people, not most, but a lot of my close friends who used to do it now think it's really childish.
00:25:13.200 --> 00:25:21.980
Yeah, interesting. It's, it's kind of a sign of still being a child, yeah, in our opinion, which is vaping, which is 18, it's
00:25:22.220 --> 00:25:50.680
no but it's also it's sad, because that's something like, the fact that, yeah, exactly. But like, it's sad that the fact that having, like, having some, like, vaping, like that, is a sign of being a child, because when you're eating, yeah, that's when you're supposed to start, and then that's the point where it's like, okay, that's so like you're supposed to be over that, like you're you're actually, you look like a child when you're doing it, but it's not a thing that children should be doing.
00:25:47.380 --> 00:25:50.680
So it's like, yeah,
00:25:53.259 --> 00:26:10.200
oh dear, yes. We'll stop there. We have more questions. I think we need to do another one. If you found this useful, then please send it to anybody you know, your friends, family, school and socials.
00:26:05.579 --> 00:26:27.200
Don't forget social don't forget socials. Amelia, you told me to go on tick tock, and I went on tick tock, which was quite a humiliating experience. And then I just, I can't be bothered, and I keep getting messages from tick tock, trying to remind me to go on everybody and now what's happened? No no, because I'm not on it. And what's happened? What's happened?
00:26:28.400 --> 00:26:29.420
You're off. Tick tock.
00:26:30.920 --> 00:26:34.400
Tick tock. She told me to go on it. It was a disaster. Is it?
00:26:34.400 --> 00:27:21.380
Because you're embarrassed about me? In in short, don't bother trying to find me on Tiktok, because I am there, but I'm not doing anything. Yes, socials, LinkedIn, I've got 94 subscribers. And wait if there was, if I was in a room with 94 people saying that's good, they won't be able to fit in through Yeah, come on, come on. I'm happy. Go subscribe. And I'm not doing this for money. I'm not doing this for fame. I'm doing it just to share. So if you would like to share it, that would be amazing. And if you'd like to give it five stars, that would be fantastic. I'd like to say thank you to Amelia and Phoebe, and
00:27:21.680 --> 00:27:31.039
if you like, if you look up to her Rachel Richards and you feel like messaging her with something nice, then she will reply. So do I
00:27:31.039 --> 00:27:33.559
always cry? I'm so excited when people message me.
00:27:33.559 --> 00:28:00.720
Thank you so much. It's teenagers. Untangled@gmail.com there is a little button that you can press at the top of the podcast notes. I can't see you if you do that. So if you message me, I won't be able to message you back. So if you want actually a response, then come to the teenagers untangled or Instagram, you're the hardcore fans. Big hug from me. Bye, bye for now you
00:00:02.819 --> 00:00:28.280
00:00:34.340 --> 00:00:47.740
00:00:43.060 --> 00:00:49.119
00:00:49.179 --> 00:00:55.119
00:00:55.179 --> 00:00:59.079
00:01:00.219 --> 00:01:09.000
00:01:06.239 --> 00:01:23.840
00:01:25.400 --> 00:01:26.599
00:01:26.719 --> 00:01:31.280
00:01:26.719 --> 00:01:43.480
00:01:43.959 --> 00:01:54.400
00:01:54.400 --> 00:02:00.219
00:02:01.780 --> 00:02:05.340
00:02:01.780 --> 00:02:05.340
00:02:05.340 --> 00:02:09.120
00:02:05.340 --> 00:02:11.879
00:02:11.879 --> 00:02:19.620
00:02:20.819 --> 00:02:23.120
00:02:23.419 --> 00:02:37.759
00:02:37.879 --> 00:02:41.560
00:02:42.219 --> 00:02:56.560
00:02:56.919 --> 00:02:59.860
00:03:01.360 --> 00:03:05.280
00:03:05.280 --> 00:03:12.360
00:03:13.139 --> 00:03:26.659
00:03:26.659 --> 00:03:38.599
00:03:34.759 --> 00:03:44.860
00:03:41.979 --> 00:03:47.500
00:03:48.219 --> 00:04:29.540
00:04:29.720 --> 00:04:57.459
00:04:57.459 --> 00:05:07.560
00:05:07.560 --> 00:05:16.199
00:05:16.319 --> 00:05:16.680
00:05:16.680 --> 00:05:18.720
00:05:18.720 --> 00:05:20.100
00:05:21.899 --> 00:05:39.620
00:05:37.279 --> 00:05:49.660
00:05:50.500 --> 00:05:56.079
00:05:52.899 --> 00:06:01.199
00:06:01.199 --> 00:06:07.319
00:06:09.060 --> 00:06:26.240
00:06:26.240 --> 00:07:03.060
00:07:03.060 --> 00:07:05.339
00:07:05.339 --> 00:07:18.000
00:07:21.480 --> 00:07:22.459
00:07:24.259 --> 00:07:30.620
00:07:30.860 --> 00:07:40.180
00:07:42.040 --> 00:08:03.240
00:08:03.240 --> 00:08:07.199
00:08:07.199 --> 00:08:12.660
00:08:12.779 --> 00:08:26.959
00:08:27.319 --> 00:08:53.799
00:08:50.620 --> 00:09:10.080
00:09:06.059 --> 00:09:28.399
00:09:29.600 --> 00:10:06.120
00:10:06.120 --> 00:10:29.659
00:10:29.659 --> 00:10:40.659
00:10:40.658 --> 00:10:46.719
00:10:46.779 --> 00:10:53.740
00:10:53.919 --> 00:11:08.519
00:11:08.519 --> 00:11:29.538
00:11:29.538 --> 00:11:36.918
00:11:38.120 --> 00:11:49.539
00:11:50.320 --> 00:11:50.919
00:11:50.980 --> 00:11:53.679
00:11:53.679 --> 00:11:59.259
00:11:59.259 --> 00:12:00.179
00:12:00.179 --> 00:12:20.159
00:12:20.580 --> 00:12:20.899
00:12:21.019 --> 00:12:23.960
00:12:21.019 --> 00:12:27.440
00:12:27.679 --> 00:12:47.200
00:12:44.559 --> 00:12:54.879
00:12:54.879 --> 00:12:57.279
00:12:54.879 --> 00:12:57.700
00:12:57.700 --> 00:13:29.000
00:13:29.360 --> 00:13:29.779
00:13:29.899 --> 00:13:45.100
00:13:42.279 --> 00:13:56.919
00:13:57.339 --> 00:14:05.999
00:14:06.419 --> 00:14:10.379
00:14:10.379 --> 00:14:30.379
00:14:30.379 --> 00:14:41.678
00:14:41.679 --> 00:14:44.860
00:14:46.298 --> 00:14:47.678
00:14:50.740 --> 00:15:00.899
00:15:01.318 --> 00:15:12.058
00:15:12.058 --> 00:15:42.038
00:15:42.038 --> 00:15:53.379
00:15:53.740 --> 00:16:10.259
00:16:10.259 --> 00:16:31.458
00:16:27.259 --> 00:16:31.458
00:16:31.820 --> 00:16:36.799
00:16:37.820 --> 00:16:55.299
00:16:52.299 --> 00:17:09.240
00:17:09.240 --> 00:17:29.779
00:17:31.460 --> 00:17:37.579
00:17:37.700 --> 00:17:38.180
00:17:38.180 --> 00:17:56.859
00:17:56.859 --> 00:18:03.180
00:18:03.180 --> 00:18:20.279
00:18:20.279 --> 00:18:26.119
00:18:26.119 --> 00:18:30.920
00:18:30.920 --> 00:18:33.680
00:18:33.680 --> 00:18:49.839
00:18:49.839 --> 00:18:56.140
00:18:52.839 --> 00:19:11.339
00:19:07.799 --> 00:19:21.319
00:19:21.319 --> 00:19:33.559
00:19:31.220 --> 00:19:35.480
00:19:35.900 --> 00:19:52.299
00:19:49.059 --> 00:20:02.279
00:20:02.279 --> 00:20:03.299
00:20:03.299 --> 00:20:07.259
00:20:07.259 --> 00:20:14.339
00:20:12.660 --> 00:20:14.339
00:20:15.359 --> 00:20:30.019
00:20:30.140 --> 00:20:33.559
00:20:33.619 --> 00:20:42.400
00:20:42.400 --> 00:20:44.859
00:20:42.400 --> 00:20:46.720
00:20:46.720 --> 00:20:58.059
00:20:54.640 --> 00:21:22.339
00:21:22.339 --> 00:21:31.339
00:21:25.460 --> 00:21:51.460
00:21:51.460 --> 00:22:06.299
00:22:06.299 --> 00:22:23.240
00:22:23.420 --> 00:22:33.680
00:22:29.660 --> 00:23:00.339
00:23:00.339 --> 00:23:05.099
00:23:06.480 --> 00:23:10.380
00:23:13.019 --> 00:23:37.700
00:23:37.700 --> 00:23:42.819
00:23:37.700 --> 00:24:01.980
00:24:02.640 --> 00:24:41.500
00:24:41.500 --> 00:24:46.000
00:24:46.359 --> 00:24:52.839
00:24:52.839 --> 00:24:58.720
00:24:58.720 --> 00:25:02.640
00:24:58.720 --> 00:25:13.200
00:25:13.200 --> 00:25:21.980
00:25:22.220 --> 00:25:50.680
00:25:47.380 --> 00:25:50.680
00:25:53.259 --> 00:26:10.200
00:26:05.579 --> 00:26:27.200
00:26:28.400 --> 00:26:29.420
00:26:30.920 --> 00:26:34.400
00:26:34.400 --> 00:27:21.380
00:27:21.680 --> 00:27:31.039
00:27:31.039 --> 00:27:33.559
00:27:33.559 --> 00:28:00.720
