Transcript
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Hello and welcome to Teenagers untangled, the audio hug for parents going through the teenage years. I'm Rachel Richards, parenting coach, journalist, mother of two teenagers and two bonus daughters. Now this is going to be a new kind of episode. It's because I've got my two teenagers in here with me.
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Hello, Phoebe and Amelia.
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Hi. I'm hoping we're going to learn a lot more about a specific topic that Claire wants us to discuss. She wrote, and I warn you, girls, it starts with a review, so listen and learn.
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This is how you get the best out of people. Wait, Phoebe, why don't you read it?
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Okay? So she says, You have managed to completely change my mindset. I love listening to your podcast on my way home from work. You have managed to completely change my mindset from dragging the teenage years ahead of me to actually seeing them as something to embrace and enjoy.
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I no longer jump into defensive or protective mode every time a problem arises, but take a step back and try to encourage my teens, 13 year old girl and 15 year old boy, to solve their own problems. This has already completely transformed my relationship with them, and ultimately is really having a positive impact on them and their maturity and transformation into becoming amazing adults. Thank you so much. I love that. I love that she's told us when she listens to the podcast, that helps me also that whole change from being defensive and protective and actually letting teens figure things out for themselves, what you think isn't that great. Shout out to Claire.
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Shout out to Claire, right? Well, she also says something else. She said, I do have something I would like you to advise on, though, and maybe your daughters can help, which is why you're here. I do have something I would like you to advise on, though, and maybe your daughters can help. My 13 year old has been heavily influenced in the last year or two by social media posts on skincare. So we're talking from the age of about 11. She's now changed from being content with a simple cleanse and moisturize before bed to having a morning and evening skincare ritual lasting more than an hour. She is getting up at 530 every morning to start the 530 I can't get you guys. I would rather die the most consent. Well, she's motivated, right? Yeah, the most concerning thing is the use of products and preparations that I would normally associate with more mature ladies, for example, things she would use, and these often include hyaluronic acid, retinol, collagen, etc. She spends all of her pocket money, birthday and Christmas money, on these products, and is constantly asking for extra jobs to earn more money to support this expensive obsession. I'm hoping it's just a short lived phase, and thinking that I should treat it a bit like a bad fashion and keep cool and non judgmental about it, rather than expressing my concerns, which would probably make things worse. Do you have any advice?
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I'd like to kind of talk about the around the topic first, and then we'll give her some specific advice, which I think, yeah, and it's interesting, because she's obviously motivated hugely by this. I mean, no, And David Jager said in his book 10 to 25 we're missing the point. Teenagers are highly motivated. It's just what are they motivated by? And often we misunderstand, nothing early for work. Yeah, exactly. Nothing would make me go. Nothing would make, you know, absolutely nothing, right? So, and to put this in context, when I was that age, I was possibly using soap, maybe some acne sort of cream. My mum wasn't big on makeup or beauty, and you know, I so it's, what about you girls when you were 11? How much interest? No, literally, nothing. I mean, yeah, I remember there were, there were a couple people at my school who, like, did have they?
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I remember they. There were these, like, palettes, which you could get, which, like, princess had. Like, do you know what I'm talking Princess,
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one of my friends had that. Okay, yeah, yeah, other than none of my friends will make up for anything, no, but then you
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moisturize,
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yeah, I did nothing,
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yes. So I think a lot of this is marketing, yeah. Definitely influences.
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It's all over Tiktok. Like, is it? Yeah? Literally, like, um, you'll just be scrolling, and then you'll see like this person looking like a model who's saying, Oh, yeah. The reason I look like this is because I wear this. I might need to get readys with me. Take you through your kind of products. They're advertising the product by advertising the lifestyle. When I did the looks maxing episode, I found out that they were popular looks maxes, who would be talking about the product, it would be their own product, and then a button would come up while they were talking about it and showing how to use it, which meant you could buy it. Yeah. I mean, have you seen this? Is this quite popular? Yeah, no, no, yeah. So yeah, it's Tiktok shop, but it's like, right when, yeah, they've got, like, a link to it at the bottom, but it's not like you can literally press on it and buy it. And all these people who are doing this, are they noticeably a lot older than you? Are they do? They look like the same age as you some of the get readies with me, like most of them.
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Like my age, but actually quite so 16, yeah, but quite a few of them are the younger girls who are like Sephora, right?
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Because, yeah, do they do? They call themselves Sephora kids, or just their brand. That's what they've been given, but it's all the brain rot generation. The brain rot generation. Now, what's fascinating is how quickly things are happening.
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Because, you know, you're 16, you're now 18, and you didn't have social media, really, until you were, you know, more senior.
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And I think the new generation coming through are getting flooded with it's a new way that's like a Gen a thing. It's the tail end of Gen Z. And I noticed this with your older sisters, where your oldest one had a very different approach to life because she was influenced by social media in a very different way. And it's happening so quickly. I think it's not only like social media.
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I mean, that's definitely the main driver, I would say, but you're also being influenced by your friends. Yes, friends have the same products, then you feel like, also not like. I remember when I was that age, we all had one of the, like, fidget spinners, oh my god,
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fountain pen, yeah, and that was our thing and our school thing. But, like, no, no, I know, but it was like, yeah. What I'm saying is, you're influenced by your peers, and if they all have this really nice, like, Glow Recipe, or, like, drunk elephant, oh, my god, bronzer drops, yes, then, you know, and they're all using that, then you want that as well. Yeah, just this kind of, so it's not, it's not so much the actual products. It's that that's, yeah, one
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of the things I found. So when I was doing my GCSEs, it was really nice to have a skincare routine, because it was a way of, like, decompressing. And it was kind of like, I don't know you, you'd have, like, a really stressful day, and then you just sit down, and then this would be self care, yeah? This would be something which you just like, it was step, step, step, you know, you knew what you're doing, and it would make you feel really good about yourself, because you feel so clean afterwards. It was like, that's a really good point, yeah, that actually, that maybe that this girl is, is using this as a way to kind of just shut all the noise out and just, you know, find space. I think if it's like that, then there isn't much problem with it. But it sounds a bit, it sounds a bit obsessive.
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Yeah, it does sound a bit. It does sound obsessive. I think we'll come on to that. But, um, what was really interesting is I looked at some of the background to this. And there was a recent study by a y t m in collaboration with Revlon that served surveyed 1000 parents, and they were saying that there is a correlation between social media use and hashtag of skin care products, mostly Instagram and tick tock, and that, according to parents, 62% of the girls are interested in makeup and 66% interested in skincare.
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And what's see, it's, I see them differently, because I think makeup is very Oh yeah, it's something you play with. It's, it can be creative, although it also can hide real fear about the way you look, whereas skincare is, what do you think?
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I'm curious. I think, you know, we look at makeup. I think a lot, a big reason people put on makeup is just because it's fun.
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Yeah, and if that's what I'm doing, it for fun, then that's kind of got it to a point where it's an issue. But that, the thing is, that's kind of the same with skincare, though, because I don't know, I found it quite fun putting it on, especially with, like, face masks and stuff. But yeah, I find, I think that it's also about taking time to, like, enjoy, yes, I don't know, but yes,
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what do you think? Maybe I don't know. I agree with that. I think makeup is is used as is. It's not necessarily a mask. It's kind of just like it goes on and then it comes off at the end of the day.
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And I mean, for me especially, I don't wear makeup like that much like lots of it. So if I'm really doing my face up, then it's, it's a fun activity for going out or something like that. But whereas the skin co routine is an every night thing, and the end goal is not something that you have immediate impact, like visual Do you know what I mean? Like, when you put makeup on, you instantly see that it's different, whereas with skincare, you're trying to preserve or, like, stop wrinkles, or, you know, and so there's an element of this, you know, idea in your mind that something is going to happen in the future, which is really unusual for teenagers. Most teenagers don't think that far ahead Exactly. This is, this is one of the things that I was thinking because, again, I don't think it's about the fact that she's trying to,
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like, preserve herself, or anything like that. I think it's more about the fact that, like, everyone's doing it, spitting it. The older people, like you look at them, you're like, Okay, well, they look like that, and they did this. But it's also like, also like, why are you wearing retinals When you're like, yes, no, it's what is kind of wrinkle, not necessarily, because that's part of the like, that's what they don't but why? Why is that part of your routine if you're that young? Because it's, it sounds that's the whole thing. So when it comes to things like that, and it.
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And we should come on to this and go into it in detail, when it comes to things like things like that, that would tell me that this child is being influenced by people who are way older than her. They're not in her zone.
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They're because Retinol is something you start using much older. Yeah, it's and there are now dermatologists who actually are being more outspoken, saying it can be damaging for a young person's skin, yeah. But also, if you're not using it with a precise purpose, and you're just wasting your money anyway, correct? So it is, it's just all a marketing, you know, scheme.
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It's interesting, because your older sisters, I remember them going through a phase where they would cake the makeup on. I mean, it was extreme, and it really concerned me. And I remember starting to read at that time, but they were sort of 14, about what was going on, and I read this amazing thing that was saying they were putting on a mask because they weren't sure of their identity, and once they were more secure, they would take the mask off. And sure enough, it happened that later on, they stopped wearing makeup all the time, and they now wear it for pleasure, mostly. But I do think there is a phase, but this is different, isn't it? And there's people were saying, Well, where did this come from?
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This Sephora that you talked about Sephora kids, which is the kind of handle that they're given. And there's a an Australian based analytics agency guy, Mark McCrindle, who coined the term Sephora kids and return referring to the phenomenon of young children shopping at Sephora, and that became popular in january 2024 but there was also apparently a Tiktok video by college student Chloe Grace, who asked her followers if they'd noticed more tween girls in their local Sephora stores. And this was initially mostly confined to America, but since it spread Canada, Australia, UK, and people talk about social contagion. Social contagion can be very worrying, because it can be things like anorexia and suicide and all these other things that are very worrying.
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Where And whereas, I wouldn't say this is necessarily social contagion, but I think it's really powered up by marketing, don't you? Yeah, no, I so agree.
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And some parents say, well, there are worse things that my kid could be doing, yeah, yeah, oh, my god, totally, that's that's always a good thing to have in mind, yeah, when you're thinking about your kids, is that like it could be so much, so much worse? I mean, you always say that to me, yes, but mom, but here's an interesting one, because I interviewed Joan pinklestein, who wrote sexism and sensibility, and she says something that stuck with me, which is that whenever we think about the way we look, it takes us out of our flow state. It takes us out of our ability to actually focus on things that we might think are actually really important. And the problem is when girls are giving these messages and hyper driven in this direction, what they're doing is while, I always used to say to you, while you're while we're painting our nails and doing our eyebrows and things, you know, the guys are out conquering the world. You know, this is, this is actually holding true, though, because guys in the gym, yeah, no, but the guys are doing literally, and they look smart. They look Max Yeah, they're doing the same thing, but just and guys are having skincare routines. Oh yeah, completely, yes.
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Sometimes, yes, yeah. So, so rather than actually down grading this need to to over, overdo it, we're actually spreading it out to boys as well. They're getting some of the pain too. But, yeah, I mean, Amelia, you were saying there are worse things she could be doing, and that's so true. Like there are so like, skincare is very you know, it's not a big problem at all, but it's more like the fact that she's getting up at 530 especially that age, it's so important as I mean, even at our age older, sleep is still so essential. And that shows how every morning, it almost feels like Skia or that she stops this compulsion, whereas, yes, how long does it take to do skincare as well?
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Because, also, yeah, it gets to the point where things start canceling. Yeah, yeah, more harm than good.
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Yeah, her skin.
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I love that point, and that's one of the things we talk about with social media, that social media is not a problem, is that, what are you missing out on if you're doing this? Yeah, what do you sleep? As you said, is vital. What I think sleep is pretty good on your skin. Then, yeah, exactly yes. Well, I think some, like some of my friends, they got a couple spots, so they get these, like, massive skincare routines to try and get rid of them, and then again, more, because your skincare spots are just natural, because obviously you know, like, you're gonna damage Yeah, changes, yeah. Like people responding to hormonal acne with other skincare routines, which then just causes you to continue having, like, I've, I've listened to Madeline Argy, and she had this happen where she said, really bad acne. For years, she went to go see a dermatologist, and they said, The problem is not hormonal. You know, you've come out of your hormonal acne phase. The fact is that you're using so many skincare products that aren't like, working with your skin, and so she's been causing her to have years, yeah, and they're, they're like, they're certified products, they're.
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Been checked that, you know that in all the shops and things like that. But it's just they don't work, yeah.
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And so the point is, is that also this is another thing, is that people are using lots of products which might work for some people, someone, but won't work for you. And so though you can't just, like, copy and paste of someone else's skincare, oh, yeah, completely everybody's game, because we all have completely different skin, skin types, and it's almost like what you've got to do is, you've got to start from, what does it feel like to not do any of this? What does it feel like to just do a simple cleanse, you know, at the end of the day and in the morning and then, and then go from there? Because if you've got, if you're piling on these different routines or different products, you don't know what's working what isn't working also, the thing is, you see stuff on social media which is absolute bullshit, and then people believe it, because it's social media. What sort of thing? Oh, I remember seeing people washing their teeth with hydrogen peroxide. Oh, my god, yeah. And there was a girl who did that and she lost, like she completely eroded all of her teeth in the front, and one she's permanently down and but that was on Tik Tok. And those people were like, How can I do this? How can I do this? Yeah, and people, people started mouth taping when they were congested, which meant that they can actually breathe when they were sleeping, which was really dangerous. But, like, just stuff like that, which is, like, you just shouldn't be listening to it. You should check. So maybe the response is, what are these?
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What is this person's agenda?
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Why is this person saying this stuff? Is this true? You know, where else can I check? Are there other, like, two other reputable sources? So you see something like that, and you say, Okay, well, maybe I can go and look somewhere else to see what the backup data is. And that could be a helpful thing where you just say, okay, yeah, don't you know, I'm not, I'm not saying you shouldn't do this, but what's the actual backup data? I think the most important thing is that you actually have,
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I mean, I'm sure all parents who are listening to this podcast are already doing this, but like, a sit down conversation where, like, you don't treat your teen as a child, like, treat them as an adult, and I don't know, just like, talk to them on like, their level about it, to try and figure out why, why she's doing this. I love that, yeah, because if you go, if you go to, it, if you go to and you're like, this is this is not good for you. You know, you probably should stop.
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She's probably just gonna go, Okay, now she's trying to tell me what to do, yeah, well, and also the fact that she's actually buying with her own money, like, I have so much respect for that, because there are some kids who actually just been given loads of money from their parents, and who are going out and buying it because they have nothing else to spend their money on, because they get everything they want. But she's clearly, you know, actively spending her her own money on this, yeah, trying to find work to spend when she could be buying lots of nice things that are permanent. So this is a girl who is highly motivated, but that energy can be going so love that that's what I always think about, be directing my energy, and that waking up at 530 could be going to, you know, start being asleep, or, you know, yeah, studying or reading, or just,
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yeah, yeah. Also, because she's buying it with her own money, it means that you can't go to her and be like, Okay, I'm gonna take this away from you, because you don't have the right to do that like she's bought it herself.
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All the clothes you could buy, think of all the clothes, yeah? And that's the thing, because skincare is expensive,
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yeah? Exactly, and it runs out. I was gonna buy some. I was gonna buy something like moisturizer, because shot Cora I didn't moisturize, no, but I was gonna buy some. I went into boots, and I was like, I could buy a top for this skincare, like giving you girls charge of your own money, so you get to choose. What I found really ironic is when I see one with these girls doing these skincare routines, and, you know, alleging that they care so much for their skin, and then they go and roast themselves. Oh my god. And it's so funny to me, because I'm like, you, you could just wear some sun cream, and your skin will be perfectly fine, yes, and you'll probably prevent wrinkles more by just staying out of this tedious, two hour long skincare routine and then going in. Daniel, so I've said to you girls since you were quite little, because I also said this to my older girls, that you know, the best thing you can possibly do is just wear sun cream and not smoke and not smoke and not drink. I mean, these things are. We know for a fact that these drink water, drink water, you know, hydrate.
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And actually, I've listened to a very good
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podcast where they pulled apart scientifically what these products do, and almost all of them do nothing.
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Retinol does help, but only for older people. And the majority of stuff we put on our faces is, is just scent based stories, just to make us feel better.
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Yeah, it's not actually doing anything. You know, I like this is kind of an unpopular opinion, but I actually love wrinkles, because I think they're like, each wrinkle is a sign of an expression you once made. And I think it's so it's so cool, because you can literally see someone's.
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Riff on their face. Yeah. Oh, it's a lovely, lovely thought.
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It's interesting, because one of the things that's come out of it is the pop culture website board Panda, featured stories of exasperated employees of beauty book stores who were saying that they were being bullied by children who were going in there and they had no manners and they were still, you know, they're expecting all these they're expecting all these, I don't know that. I didn't, and they so they're trying to impose limits on age, limits on shoppers there, and so it's clearly a problem, even for the retailers.
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One of the things I looked into was money data, and this might interest you, data from market research group, NPD Group indicates that the sales of children's fragrance products increased by 15% in 2022 and according to a 2023 report by Grand View research, the global children's personal care market was valued at $7.5 billion in 21 and was expected to grow at a compound annual growth rate of 6.2% now just to give you some some ideas of what we're talking about here, so we're talking 6.2% growth rate compounded like over years, the US economy grew by 2.5% last year. The UK grew up by point 1% and France by point 7% so we're talking about an area that has massive growth potential. This is why so much interest is going in that direction, right? If you, if you're a company or you're trying to make money, you're going to want to to look at that growth market, and so they're focusing a lot of money and energy on influencers and selling those products, yeah, very interesting person I spoke with who I will interview for this program, said one of the big, really worrying things about this is that the poorer girls and boys feel priced out of beauty. They feel like they see this stuff and they think, I can't afford these products.
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Does that make that's kind of like
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we were talking about this the other day. I think this kind of thing with the skincare is less of a problem. But as we were saying again the other day, is there was, we saw a lady on Instagram who she was like, Oh yeah, I got told by a man the other day, I love your natural beauty. She then she listed all the plastic surgery she had, and her entire face was fake, and she had, and she had, what, this is real. Yeah, she's like, she was completely, like, completely fake, but it was done really well. And this is the point, like, natural beauty is so like, being natural is so rare, and it's so lovely, yes, all those quirks, Yeah, different. You know, I can't help. I mean, it's quite hard to say someone appreciate your natural beauty when, obviously, as a teenager, you're going to be feeling insecurity, and then also you're seeing all of your peer group, you know, using certain products that you just don't have access to. Yeah, I can imagine that would be really difficult,
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very, very difficult and very difficult when there are all these filters that are making people look a certain way. And it's really, I think this is such an interesting area, because a friend of mine sent a photo of an old friend of hers, and said, What do you think? And I said, she looks she looks lovely. She looks like every American I've ever seen in my life. And she said, Yeah, but look at what she looked like before she's had something done. I don't know what it is, and it was so shocking, because she looked so beautiful before, yeah, so she, she had this exquisite, you know, there was just something, something so interesting about her face. And then when I looked at the new face, I just thought, gosh, the natural setting, yeah, just Yes Also, and we're losing all of that. One of the things that people need to keep in mind is that a beauty standards changed so much. Yeah, like, two years ago, like having a button nose was a thing, and now it's having a ski ramp nose. Like, literally, like, it's the most ridiculous thing. I don't think I've ever had a passion or nose that's fine with me.
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So are girls using age appropriate products? And you mentioned retinol, and so you didn't actually know? No, I know that. My friends. I mean, have you ever used it? No, my friends use it. One of my friends has really bad acne, and she, like, has a lot of skincare, but this is prescribed to her by dermatologists. Yeah, I feel like that's slightly different.
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It is slightly different. Yeah, it is slightly
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Yeah, specific things, yeah.
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I mean, the main makeup category, apparently, is lip gloss. Okay, of course, we love this. Yes, that's what skincare. It's not skincare. And then when it comes to the skincare products, they tend to become more popular as girls age a bit. So this girl is really early in her obsession, or No, she isn't. Why am I saying that? I read a really, really devastating report in a New York Times. I think it was the New York Times, and it was a mother saying her daughter had just come back from camp, and her daughter was, I think she's 11, and no 10, and she said she was the only girl there at the camp who didn't have an entire skin care research. That's going to make you.
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So, yes, so left out, yes, well, you should think, what am I missing? I'm doing. I'm a bad I'm a bad female, yeah, yeah. So everyone sits down to do their skincare, and you're the only one. You're just sitting there like, Okay, what do I do? And then you're also thinking, oh, you know, they must think that I'm just so weird because, yes, I don't take care. Yeah? So, so this will be driving it, yeah?
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Face cleansers, washers, face lotions are the most popular products with Gen alphas. Don't have a problem necessarily with that. Serums, mud clay masks and face oils are the next most popular. Mud clay masks literally don't do anything.
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They're just a bit of fun. Exactly. It's all about fun wandering around. Yeah, they probably make your face like worse. I'm gonna be honest, they probably block your pool.
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I think I honestly, I think there's nothing wrong with a routine, obviously, like, I clean my face every night, or I try to, it's true, I try to, but I think, you know, it should be 15 minutes, you know? And, yeah, cleanse, moisturize, you know, any other small bits that you feel unnecessary. And then, yeah, no.
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Basically, I basically put my moist, my cleanser on, yeah, before I brush my teeth, I then brush my teeth, yeah. And then I take it off, I use it just a wet flannel to wipe it off, and then moisturize it. Like, what do people do? I really think that this girl, I think the girl who we used as an example, she's not using it because of the skincare. She's doing it because about the control that she gets interesting from stability, right? Because, yes, when it gets to the point where you're spending we wake up at 530 to do skincare is probably not about the skincare anymore. I remember there's an absolute euphoria where this literally happens, oh, my god, yeah, yeah, what's Oh, it's basically euphoria. I mean, to anyone who doesn't know, it was quite popular a few years back, maybe 2022, yeah, I remember, yeah, but it was one to two. It was a huge thing. But, I mean, it, it follows. It's very, kind of relevant to the youth. It follows young people in school and like drug taking and experimentation and alcohol and blah, blah, blah, and kind of just all of the drama at school and but there's this one scene where this girl gets dumped and she loses her boyfriend, but they're still at school, tail, obviously. And every single day she wakes up, it must be five.
00:27:21.319 --> 00:27:46.660
And then it just Yeah, and she's trying harder and harder, more makeup and more skincare, just to try to, like, you know. And then someone asked her whether she's been auditioning for, what is it like Oklahoma musical? Because she's wearing such stupid outfits to try to but I think potential. But that made me think of that, because she's kind of compulsively getting up earlier and earlier.
00:27:46.660 --> 00:28:26.299
I mean, that was less about, well, I think it was control, because she felt like she lost control. She didn't derail from her life. And, yeah, I think it manifests in different ways. But when you're a teen, you're you're grasping for things that you you can have, like stability and control and so maybe, yes, and I think that that she's in that zone where, and it was very recent for you girls, where everything changes really quickly. You go through puberty, you've changed schools. At some point, you deal with new friendship groups. You know, there were so many things going on, and if you can find an anchor and hold on to it, yeah.
00:28:22.339 --> 00:29:06.480
And we see this with eating disorders. We see this with, you know, just and this perfectionist 100% and it's, I think also part of it is it's so Uncharted, like the territory of teenagers, you just don't know how to navigate it. So she's latched on maybe, I mean, she might have latched on to this idea of, like skincare, and thinking, okay, that's how you do it. That's how you you know, and it's the same with different trends and things like that, yeah. And so when you see a whole group of people who are already in that phase doing that, then you're like, Okay, that's what I do to be a teenager. Yes, absolutely. Like, I feel like everyone has has had something like that agrees during the teenage years.
00:29:03.000 --> 00:29:16.859
Interesting, yes. And in coming back to The David Jaeger, what he said was he, you know, when he said, teenagers are highly motivated. They're motivated by status and respect, and they're desperately looking for this.
00:29:16.859 --> 00:29:33.619
And I imagine what girl in her situation, she's probably looking at, you know, on social media, she's seeing girls who should aspire to be like or who seems really powerful, and she's trying to be more like the girls we're in print on that, and the girls in her year, or the girls, they're all higher in the higher power,
00:29:35.180 --> 00:29:59.920
Tiktok. Yeah. So it's completely so, I suppose so. So here's, here's the question, what do we how do we advise her, literally, like, sit down, have a conversation with her properly, like, on her level, and told her about just like, I don't know, I think you made a point earlier, which is asking, what the motivation? Yeah, yeah, why she feels it's so important to have be interested, yeah, and non judgmental. Learn.
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:05.940
Definitely non critical, yeah. So that yeah, you can Yeah, be you. Yeah. Want to find out more about her.
00:30:05.940 --> 00:30:32.960
Yeah. So what I said to Claire, because I had already messaged her back quickly, because I when I get emails like this, they I feel really viscerally that I want to help somebody. And one thing I said to her was advice I got from Stella O'Malley about, if you, if you find out your kid says they're trans. What do you do? And she said, basically, sit down with the child and just say, hey. So show me your social media. I don't really understand this. Tell me who do you follow?
00:30:28.339 --> 00:30:35.779
Can I be in your world? Yeah, just take an interest Exactly.
00:30:32.960 --> 00:30:45.940
Don't act like you're, you're, you're wanting to stop it. Yes, yes. Um, just Yeah. Like, you want to just change it, yeah.
00:30:41.619 --> 00:31:30.259
And then you can say, Do you feel stuck? You know, are the things that are are, yeah, finding difficult. And I think also, you know, again, skincare is not a bad thing, yeah? And just making that really clear and saying, We love that you have the skincare routine, that you're clearly taking care of yourself like that's a great thing to do. We're just a little bit worried that, you know, maybe it's but here's the thing, neither of you are fixated on skincare or any of that. You dress up when you go out and you look absolutely gorgeous. You look gorgeous all the time, but, you know, you do. You'll go, you'll go to town on looking lovely, but you don't spend a lot of your time. Yeah? What I can see when it's why, because I'm type B, whatever, yeah,
00:31:31.339 --> 00:31:55.839
I think it's a connectionist for me. Yeah, no, I am. It's for me. I'm constantly kind of evaluating things, and I'm going, is this a good use of my time? Yes or no, yeah. Is this a good use of my money? Yes or no. And I have really nice like, you bought us this. What is a Garnier UV moisturizer thing, which I absolutely love. Like, this is my new thing?
00:31:57.099 --> 00:32:00.720
No, yeah. Drop a link below. Not sponsors.
00:32:02.279 --> 00:32:47.140
But, I mean, I use that every morning, and it's, it's sun cream, and it's moisturizer, like, I'll put that on. It's got a little glow to it, yeah. And I look after my skin to an extent, but like, I don't, I don't obsess over it, because to me, it's not the most important thing. And I'm, and I don't want to be. I'm not, I'm not prepared to sacrifice my sleep for skincare. Oh, my God, definitely all my money. You know, again, like I said, it's an expensive and you're beautiful, but it's not, yeah, exactly. But also, I have gone through phases where I've used a bit more than I do right now, for example. And literally, my skin has not shown any different experiment, and it's actually, to an extent, is better now than before, but also, yeah, exactly.
00:32:43.599 --> 00:32:48.579
I think with me things, I've got naturally clear skin, yeah,
00:32:51.880 --> 00:33:00.660
yeah, which means that, like, I don't, I didn't really think about that that much, and I don't have the products, yeah, so
00:33:03.000 --> 00:33:36.319
yeah, to try out. Just, yeah, exactly. But I go through, I go through the papers to find what recommended is the best products. Spend my money on that personally, like I'm great for people who do, but I don't need it. So yeah, and also, I mean, you made a good point the other day, which is that your skin will never be as good it is right now. Yes, yes, it gets worse from here, but you know, we don't need to be treating anything right now, because, literally, our skin does not need anything other than sun cream and moisturizer.
00:33:36.799 --> 00:34:08.280
But it is also underpinning all of this is this sense that we have to look beautiful to be worthy. And that really is quite disappointing, you know, because then you're spending your time worrying about that rather than achieving things that really make you feel, that fill your soul, that fill your days with I kind of feel like, yeah, yeah. I was gonna say the whole you have to look nice to be worthy. I feel like that's kind of just built into human nature, people judge. People do judge, and people are attracted to beauty.
00:34:05.460 --> 00:34:59.920
I think what happens, though, is people judge. I've always said grooming is much more important than beauty. I really do, because I think that grooming, it doesn't really it's not so much. People will see you and they'll either be attracted to you, or they won't, or they'll think you're pretty or the one, but within a short period of time, that becomes not the most important thing, that the thing is, how do I present my What does it say about me? The way that I wear my clothes, the way that I look after myself, it shows respect for yourself, yeah. And if you respect yourself, then other people will respect you, yeah. Just to clarify, grooming is in like, brushing your hair and like, okay, but yeah. So this is another problem we chose that this whole generation ever had their certain words hijacked by other meanings, which is quite depressing. But anyway, so my tips for navigating it, open communication, set boundaries, so establish clear guidelines regarding the.
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:16.199
Use of beauty products. So what is age appropriate in terms of, you know, the like, not, not retinol, yeah. You know, she doesn't need definitely the wrong way to approach that is to go to her and and say, This is not age appropriate. Oh, sure.
00:35:12.900 --> 00:35:52.179
That would definitely not be the right way to approach it. Like, just talk to her and be like, oh yeah. So most people use this when they're older, like this can actually really damage your skin. And then maybe she'll go like, Oh, you can say, I read about this, and here's where I read it, and let, let her do the reading for herself. But I mean, if she doesn't stop using it, maybe also, yeah, you could have a fun little exercise. It might backfire. So I'm just taking one spot, but you could tot up how much she spent, yeah, and see what she can buy skincare, and then say, you know, and then spend on something, yeah, different things you want, because you can easily buy this money that you're spending.
00:35:53.380 --> 00:35:55.420
That's a good tip, because it's so expensive.
00:35:55.480 --> 00:36:12.960
Yes, it is expensive. Um, limit exposure to influences that's another that's quite difficult, that's difficult. Or when you're looking so she shows her the influences. You can start asking her what she thinks of the influencer, whether that influencer has their own agenda.
00:36:10.079 --> 00:36:29.780
Why would they be showing those products? You know? Yeah. And start thinking a bit more about what she's being shown. Again, one thing that you don't have is actually interested. And be like, Oh, show me all this. And then when you like, no, no, yeah. And then be like, Okay, you can't, you can't see, watch these influences anyway, you're right. Because then she'll
00:36:30.860 --> 00:36:49.840
be like, yeah. She will literally never, ever, really important point. Really important point, yeah, you know, the taking away of things like that can actually so Yeah, she'll be like, okay, every time that you asked me to show you something, just say, like, Can I join you for your routine? Yeah, that's good. That's good. Let her talk you through it, yeah.
00:36:50.139 --> 00:36:50.920
Just get
00:36:52.059 --> 00:37:19.559
into her world, yeah, because it's something that she really cares about. So it's clearly something I would not be getting up at 530 Oh, my God. Also encourage diverse interests. What else? What? Like you said, what other things can she spend that money on? What other things could she be doing and modeling healthy behavior ourselves? I mean, we need to be, we need to be not spending too much time on this stuff ourselves. If we're talking about, oh, my skin looks awful.
00:37:16.679 --> 00:37:26.960
I need to be using more products. Or, do you think I need a facelift? Then, you know what you're doing is a mother.
00:37:29.960 --> 00:37:50.800
You know, I should have some fillers. Oh, you know what you if I started obsessing about the way I looked, that would impact on the way you felt it, because you're part of my genetic makeup. So if I was saying, Oh, I look terrible. How would that make you feel? Yeah, I mean, I do occasionally say that looks terrible, but I don't mean it in a general way. I just mean it on that moment. And that's it.
00:37:47.139 --> 00:37:50.800
Anything else you'd like to add?
00:37:54.820 --> 00:38:13.260
Yeah, I think just reiterate, don't, I think definitely don't act very interested, and then just try and take it away, because that's, yeah, 100% wrong way to approach it. Other than that, I think we pretty much covered it all. Fantastic, brilliant, girls, great, really, really. I learned a lot from you. I think you had some great tips there.
00:38:14.280 --> 00:38:35.360
If you want to add in the discussion, then please do. I'm thinking we need a Facebook group for parents to come on and talk about not you guys. You don't want to be on it. But in the meantime, you can email me at teenagersuntangled@gmail.com or go to the website, www.teenagersuntangled.com that's brilliant. Thanks so much. Thanks for joining us.
00:38:36.139 --> 00:38:40.039
Follow the Instagram as well.
00:38:36.139 --> 00:38:44.199
Don't forget to oh my Yes, I am on Instagram, which is teenagers untangled. I'm on threads.
00:38:45.820 --> 00:38:49.719
I have to add, okay, it's because it's just between you and you and us.
00:38:50.860 --> 00:38:55.059
My daughter did say it would be a good idea to go on Tiktok. So I went on Tiktok. How many views
00:38:58.599 --> 00:39:00.400
did I like? 8k?
00:39:01.480 --> 00:39:17.880
Yes, I'm so proud. Am I making go follow her? And one of those views was probably you? Yeah, it was so it was one of the likes and it but I don't care, but that's the point, yeah, just don't follow her Tiktok, because then we can get more views and more likes.
00:39:17.880 --> 00:39:21.920
So, right? Thank you so much, girls.
00:39:19.199 --> 00:39:23.300
Good tips. All right, have a great week. Bye, bye, bye.
