Transcript
WEBVTT
00:00:01.500 --> 00:00:03.540
Sam, thank you so much for joining us today.
00:00:03.959 --> 00:00:20.719
What a joy it is to talk to you, because you are covering topics that I've been fretting about for such a long time now. And I saw families of all kinds all around the world are shifting from a one mum show to a proactive whole family team. How are you doing this.
00:00:21.320 --> 00:00:47.020
Oh my gosh. Thank you so much for having me thrilled to be here. So what we're doing is, instead of normalizing motherhood burnout, instead of normalizing everything falls on mom's shoulders, the physical tasks, the mental load, everything, like you said, We're switching from the one man mom band to a whole family team. And we're doing this by teaching kids how to be proactive contributors, showing them how to what I call notice and do without waiting to be asked. At home,
00:00:48.340 --> 00:01:09.359
I love it because you've I've been doing this a bit myself, because I do feel quite feminist about this, but not as well as you. So I have been talking a while about, look, we're in a team. I've done this for the team. What are you doing? You go just it's genius what you're doing. So can you explain this? Notice and do concept that you've come up with? Yes.
00:01:09.359 --> 00:01:23.480
So it's kind of from a bird's eye view. There's three different aspects to it. It's very, very simple, and it works for all ages. So the first part is, we are going to teach our kids, what I call the big three.
00:01:20.299 --> 00:01:31.280
If we want them to be contributors in the home, we have to give them the skills and show them how to contribute.
00:01:27.319 --> 00:01:41.079
What are cleaning skills? For example, this is the thing that's most similar to, like the traditional chore chart. So it gives kids a sense of familiarity and safety, of like, oh, okay, I know what this is.
00:01:41.079 --> 00:02:20.900
I've done this before, instead of just like ripping the rug totally out from underneath them and doing something completely new overnight. So my kids, big three, is every day they wake up and make their bed. Every day they check to see if the dishwasher needs to be unloaded, and then they take a section of the dishwasher unload it, and then they now manage the entirety of their laundry cycle all on their own. But we didn't start that way. I think that can seem very, very overwhelming. We started with, for example, an easy way would be like taking all of your laundry in your room, your dirty laundry, putting it in the laundry basket, and then anything that's clean on your floor, folding and putting away. The Big Three can be anything you want it to be.
00:02:18.060 --> 00:03:13.139
You can even start with two it doesn't really matter. Just think of daily tasks that you want your kids to be responsible for and have ownership over. The second part is the notice and do so this is teaching kids how to notice just because we as women and moms are like pro noticers, because this is the job that we've had to do forever doesn't mean that our kids are naturally going to know how to do it. So we teach our kids how to notice what needs to be done in the home. We walk them through the rooms, we give them examples. We make what has been previously invisible visible by narrating our own thought process. It's going to sound a little bit unhinged to you at first, but again, it's kind of pulling back the current in your own brain so they can understand what goes into noticing and how to notice.
00:03:08.759 --> 00:03:38.240
The third part of it is what I call cycle breaking conversations. And this is talking to kids in simple, understandable, age appropriate ways about these feminist concepts, about societal gender expectations in the home, what burnout means, what inequity means, and why it's like the it's the deeper. Why behind all this? Why we're doing this because we're not doing this just because mom said so. We're not doing it to make mom happy.
00:03:38.599 --> 00:04:02.639
We're doing it because these are important life skills, and because we're breaking the cycle of inequity. So then when they go on into the house, into, I mean, into their adult relationships, whether it's a roommate or a marriage or any kind of partnership, or even just in their solo life, they're going to have these executive functioning skills to be able to be aware, proactive, contributing, partners and adults.
00:04:03.120 --> 00:04:27.740
There's so much to unpick there. I love No, I love that because I think that our kids, particularly our teenagers, because a lot of my parents are have got teens or tweens, they're very focused on it inequity, but they're looking outside, and they're not really thinking about what's happening in the home. So actually bringing that into the home and saying, you know, is it fair?
00:04:24.800 --> 00:05:00.300
Well, you could take it outside the home and say it, would it be fair on a team if, you know, one person got to do, had to do everything, and everybody else got to enjoy the spoils. And once you and then you take that and then bring it back into the home, exactly what you're talking about. It's, something that, really, once they open their eyes to it, it can start to make them more understanding of why things have to be different. I mentioned executive skills, and I love that, because I recently did an episode talking about executive skills, because often people think their kids are lazy. Oh, my, you know.
00:04:55.480 --> 00:05:12.360
Oh, they just and then i. Found this book that was talking about all the different executive skills, and I said, Well, maybe they just don't have some of these executive skills yet. So how do you see this feeding into the building of executive skills? Yeah,
00:05:12.360 --> 00:05:30.740
I mean, that's a great point, and with teens especially, I think that's one of the hardest narratives that we as as parents have to move past we have to be willing to let go of this narrative that they, quote, unquote, should be doing more. They should know how to do this. They're being lazy.
00:05:30.800 --> 00:06:34.879
They don't care. That's another thing I hear a lot. My teen could care less about, you know, emptying the dishwasher, or what their room looks like, or whatever it is. And so with parents of teens, especially, I always encourage them to assume the best. Like, it's not like whether or not they should or shouldn't be doing something at a certain point is almost like a moot point. Like, it doesn't matter. Our role as parents is to teach them, and we get to teach them these executive functioning skills, because the research shows that executive functioning skills is the most important skill set to have, as far as predictor for future success, the most important skill set to have. So as a parent, I get to put down my own baggage around this, because I think that's really, really important too. As women, especially, who are often the default parent. We're the ones that been carrying all this for everyone. It can be hard to teach a child something because we have so much hurt around it.
00:06:29.420 --> 00:07:08.160
We have so much pain around the fact that we have been in this unfair position of caring and shouldering everything for everyone in the home. 24/7, always and at the same time, that's not our kids job to deal with. So we want to make this an emotionally neutral skill as much as possible, so we can teach them in the same way that we taught them to ride a bike or tie their shoes or to read. This is an emotionally neutral skill, even though it doesn't feel that way sometimes to us because of the unfairness in the past.
00:07:08.759 --> 00:07:38.660
That's valid, that's real, we can recognize that and not dump it onto our kids as we're teaching it to them, right? So there's a lot to it, but essentially, with teens of parents, I break it down in a really, really simple way. We want to assume the best so we can teach them. We want to talk to them and collaborate with them. It's really fun, in a way, to do this with teens, because you get to say, Hey, this is how we want the family to function.
00:07:34.399 --> 00:07:49.839
Now for these reasons, tell me what you think about this. What do you feel like is reasonable for you? Let's work together on it so we can just get on the bike and start riding the bike.
00:07:46.000 --> 00:07:52.839
It's okay if they can't lift like, 20 pound weights, quote, unquote, right outside the gate.
00:07:53.139 --> 00:07:59.800
That's okay. If they need to start with the one pound weights, that's fine. Let them.
00:07:55.360 --> 00:08:02.279
Let's just get on the bike and start making progress and moving forward.
00:08:02.759 --> 00:08:10.560
Yes, and your record is saying you're not that keen on chore charts. Yes. Can you talk us through? Why? Yeah.
00:08:10.560 --> 00:08:12.000
Why they're an issue?
00:08:12.540 --> 00:08:36.799
Yeah. So chore charts are like good, not great. The reason why is because, at the end of the day, chore charts skip the first and most important part of task execution, which is the noticing, and it defaults all of that invisible labor on to us, back to us, back to the person who's making the chore chart.
00:08:33.019 --> 00:09:38.899
And I had this light bulb moment. Actually, it was like a year and a half ago, I had been on this journey with my husband about confronting the then inequity in our relationship. We had been working on it at that point for a solid year straight, really intentionally, and it was hard and long. We're still very much in it, but it is so much better than it was before. And then it was a Friday night. I'm making a Saturday morning to do list for my kids, like a chore chart, and I just had this like lightning moment where I was like, What am I doing? And I, like, dropped the magic, like the red magic marker to the ground, and I realized I have been I've spent the last year of my life teaching my husband how to be a proactive contributor, how to notice what needs to be done in the home on his own, without needing me to point it out, without needing me to make him a list or just assuming I'll do it. Why am I teaching my kids to rely on me to notice what needs to be done? Why? And at that moment, I was like, we're not doing this anymore. We're not perpetuating this narrative.
00:09:38.960 --> 00:09:59.919
We're breaking this cycle right now, and the next morning, I told my kids, we're not doing the chore chart anymore. I'm not going to make lists for you guys. Here's what we're going to do, and that's when notice and do was born. And so it takes that emotional labor, that mental load off of the woman's shoulder, and it shares it with the whole family in age of.
00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:13.919
Appropriate ways. So they're building executive functioning skills, they're building resilience, and they're building an awareness of what it takes to run a home, which brings empathy and compassion and understanding,
00:10:14.820 --> 00:10:21.980
all those other things that we talk about in podcasts that we're trying to we're thinking, Oh, how do I make my child more empathetic?
00:10:19.440 --> 00:11:10.860
Well, here we are. Here's one of the really good things we can do. And I loved what you were saying about the mental load, because I think, I mean, I've done an episode on, on, on mum guilt, because a mum contacted me and said, you know, can you talk more about this? I feel so guilty. I feel so stressed and and I do think the mental load is one of the heaviest burdens of all of this. It's not even just doing the things. It's having to remember, to take care of those things and and this wonderful idea that you had, this wonderful program and framework is take so much of that pressure away from that expectation, yes, yes. And one of the things that you talk about is room tiding, massive everyone's going, wait, wait, wait, wait. Well, what are we talking about here? Because, because this is my biggest bug bear, everyone's so irritated by the unbelievably messy rooms.
00:11:11.039 --> 00:11:19.740
And you talk about decluttering the rooms and how they can use these techniques to do this, so please help us. Yes,
00:11:19.919 --> 00:11:51.639
okay, so room cleaning, or what I call like a reset, that is like a separate thing from the decluttering. I think you're referring to a post that I did last week about decluttering. We did it in the new year. We do that probably like once every six months, and there's a process to that. So it's not like an ongoing, regular thing, but once you teach your kids these noticing skills, it makes things like decluttering a whole lot easier.
00:11:45.519 --> 00:12:30.500
As far as the room itself, on just like a daily lived basis, I actually let them have control over whether or not they want their room to be clean or not, with a few exceptions, one, like I said, their big three. One of their big three is to make their bed. So that's a daily expectation that they do. The second one that they do is dishes and then the laundry. So if they have laundry on their floor, in their room, that's one of their daily responsibilities, is that they manage, that they pick it up, put it, you know, away, in the drawer or in the laundry basket, pass those two things specific to their room. I don't micromanage it for them.
00:12:30.740 --> 00:13:44.620
It's their space. They get to have the opportunity to decide for themselves how they want to live within their space. But the cool thing is, is once you give them these skills, and they start practicing, and their muscles, so to speak, start to grow a little bit bigger, and they understand how to reset a space. They understand how to notice and they understand how much better it feels to have an organized space that's functional. It's not uncommon for my kids to choose, of their own volition, to clean their room as their daily notice and do. Like the other day I was they come and they tell me what they do after they've done it, and they're like, Hey, Mom, I did my big three. I did my nose and do. I'm like, Okay, tell me what you did for your nose and do, oh, my root my desk made my room was getting, like, really gross and intense, so I just cleared it all off and I organized it. It's all reset now, awesome. I didn't have to ask them to do it. I didn't have to beg them to do it. I didn't have to follow up and remind them. They just decided to do it on their own, which is really empowering for them. So it's it's a total win, win. And once we give them the skills and the ability to do it, then they can actually do it and choose to do it on their own.
00:13:45.340 --> 00:14:15.000
And I love your you talking about resetting rooms, because I've started. I think some of the things you said have just sort of seeped in, because, you know, with my new year, I thought what I'm going to do is, every time we leave a room that we've just used, I'm going to make everyone turn around and say, We need to reset the room. Love it. Let's reset this room the way it was when we first came in. Yep. And it has made a difference, because people used to just get up and walk out and I go, because they would have trashed it or, yeah, right,
00:14:16.379 --> 00:14:38.120
yeah, it's so easy, and it shows them how easy and how these things actually don't take as long as we think they're going to. Yeah, you know, like in our head, it's especially for kids, and that's I think we're like, defiance can come into play, but again, assuming the best, they're not being defiant, they're just overwhelmed because they are still learning these executive functioning skills.
00:14:35.720 --> 00:14:51.039
Okay, that's normal. They're kids. We're going to team up with them and show them how doable and easy it actually can be by just being like, what can we notice what's like in a dining room? You said, like, is there anything on the floor that we can quickly throw away?
00:14:51.100 --> 00:14:59.740
What's on the table? Let's, like, scan the whole table and see what needs to go where, really, really quickly. Let's just pound it out, reset it, and then we move on.
00:14:59.799 --> 00:15:01.559
So. Yeah, yeah.
00:14:59.799 --> 00:15:09.419
And one of the things that's helped me is this kind of, if it will take five minutes, do it now. And actually, what I've realized is lots and lots of things only take five minutes.
00:15:07.139 --> 00:15:50.320
And so you actually do a lot more of those little just get on with them jobs. And I'm encouraging my kids to think about that, like, Is this really going to take that long? Let's do that. And what about neurodivergent kids? Because I have found I've got I've got different kids, I've got four different I've got two bonus daughters, and I've got two other daughters. And one thing I noticed that was a real eye opener for me recently was that the the newer, divergent children don't pick things up from other people, they don't notice. So they don't so where a lot of us will see the way other people do things, and you go, Oh, yeah, that's how it's done.
00:15:47.440 --> 00:15:59.080
And then they do it. The neuro divergent child, and again, they vary will not learn that. And so, for example, things have to be really explicitly explained.
00:15:59.320 --> 00:16:04.919
Yeah. So do So what you've got different children. I think you might have in neurodivergent we
00:16:04.919 --> 00:16:06.779
are a neurodivergent family, right?
00:16:06.779 --> 00:16:18.120
So you so. So how are you dealing differently with the different kids? I mean, do you or do you say to all of them, what do you notice? And then one of them just doesn't notice anything. Or are you finding they're all just as equally, no able to notice things?
00:16:18.899 --> 00:16:31.159
Um, abilities vary, but my expectation for them is pretty similar across the board.
00:16:24.620 --> 00:17:50.619
I think one of the I feel like in social media, sometimes I will see a narrative that goes something like, we have to lower the bar for neurodivergent kids because they are just not capable. And I don't believe that. I think neurodivergent kids are very, very capable. Um, we just need to be able to teach them in a way that works for their brain, yes, instead of trying to shove them into a box they were never made to fit into. So does my neurodivergent kids sometimes need more reminders? Yes, but I have found that when I know how to work with her brain, she is actually one of my most on it, capable, proactive kids. Wow. So again, like, when I talked about, like, you're gonna sound a little bit unhinged at the beginning, we can't just, we can't just say, and like, even to any child who hasn't done this before. This is a teachable skill, so we have to teach it. We can't just say, Okay, notice things, and when they don't, we get really, really mad and upset, because, again, that's our emotional stuff coming into play. That's our own baggage. We have to break it down from in the same way that we taught them to tie their shoes and their little their fingers fumbled and they had to practice again and again and again. We weren't like, Oh, why are you gonna learn to tie your shoes? I have to do everything around here. I'm always gonna have to, like, tie your shoes for you. And I'm so sick of being the shoe tire.
00:17:50.680 --> 00:18:39.799
Like, no, we understand that it's a process, and they are learning. And I think that's what makes that's what the magic of this is, is, and why it works for not just neurotypical kids, not just for little kids, but for younger kids and older kids, for teenagers, even adults living at home. And for Neuro spicy kids, for strong willed kids, we have one of those as well. Is because it is simple, it is flexible and it's realistic, like it can be the most game changing strategy in the world, but if it's not realistic for me as a parent who is busy managing all these different things to implement and teach and it's not realistic for my kids to actually do, it's not going to happen. But we have all those things in play, and that's where the magic is. Yeah,
00:18:39.799 --> 00:18:49.000
I mean, I had my daughters over Christmas. I noticed we were staying somewhere, and they had a joint bathroom with two two basins.
00:18:45.579 --> 00:19:19.859
And I walked in there and went because it was, it was utterly trashed. And I called them in and I said, I feel like I really haven't explained very well to you how to manage this space and what you know. So so I'm going to explain to you how this works and how to clean things as you go along. But also you ask me, is this if I'm not explaining it properly, can you tell me, because it's a two way street, isn't it? And sometimes we think we've explained something, but maybe we haven't, or they just kind of zoomed and zoomed out.
00:19:19.920 --> 00:19:20.900
Or, sure,
00:19:20.960 --> 00:19:42.099
sure. Maybe they just need more practice, too. I love that, like, ownership and responsibility, of like, Hey, I haven't taught you how to do this. That's all right. I'm gonna teach you right now and then, understanding that it's not like they're still gonna need a practice, and it's still probably gonna be a little bit messy every now and then, but like, we're taking baby steps, and that's where the progress happens, and
00:19:42.099 --> 00:20:02.160
coming back to the way that we feel as parents, I loved some of the points you'd be making, because what you're making very clear is that there is a there is a whole self care side of this, and we kind of need to do that first. Do we? I mean, what? How do you talk to yourself about this, to kind of calm yourself, because. You recognize something very important there?
00:20:02.339 --> 00:20:35.059
Yeah, absolutely, I validate my experience for myself, that it hasn't been fair, that this, the fact that I've had to carry all this for everyone, sucks and it's not my fault. It's not a failing on my part. It's a failing of our society that normalizes this that has these wildly unrealistic expectations for mothers, and I remind myself that I'm taking this awful situation that I've been handed I didn't ask for, I didn't want.
00:20:31.880 --> 00:20:46.240
But here we are, and I'm choosing to spin it into gold for myself and for my kids, so we're going past just self care and creating an opportunity for us to have supportive care.
00:20:47.259 --> 00:21:08.759
Yeah, yeah. And I guess one of the things that struck me when I was thinking about the techniques you're talking about is I've I've managed staff in workplaces, and really what you want is you want someone who will notice what needs to be done, who doesn't constantly come up to you and say, What do I need to do next?
00:21:05.039 --> 00:21:22.940
Or who won't do things because they haven't been explicitly instructed. So in a way, it's not just about being effective at home. You're actually turning your child into somebody who can be really effective when they go into the workplace. Oh, absolutely.
00:21:22.940 --> 00:22:10.259
I mean, this is like leadership training, 101, entrepreneurship training, 101, like these skills that they are going to take from this, the ripple effects are huge. This is how we create a future adult who can see a need, see a gap, see an opportunity, and then fill it on their own. Take initiative without waiting for someone to hand them a to do list and to say, here, this is what needs to happen. They can anticipate needs. They can be proactive out in their community. At school like my favorite thing in the world is when I get DMS from moms who say, You know what, I love that my like, for example, the other it was like, I love that my son is doing these things at home. That's amazing.
00:22:06.960 --> 00:22:50.079
But my favorite thing is when I got like, an email from my teacher recently and said, I just have to let you know that he stayed after recess and on his own without needing to be asked or told or even suggested, he cleaned up all of the sports equipment that everyone had been using on his own and organized it because he saw that it needed to happen, and he made it happen. I had another email or a DM from a mom and said My daughter was in her junior high art class, and the teacher kind of called the class together and said, Listen, this art room is always a mess. It's really awful. Trying to get everyone to participate and help clean up.
00:22:50.079 --> 00:23:33.440
We need to do something different. What we can what can we do? Which like, props on the teacher, on having, like, a kind of a community circle about that that's amazing. So what she did was the teacher had every student go around and offer a suggestion. This woman's daughter talked about notice and do and the concept and how to do it. The whole class voted. And the whole class voted for notice and due and the teacher emailed this woman a couple weeks later and said, I just have to tell you that our classroom has never been cleaner and it has never been easier. The kids are taking ownership. They're being proactive. They have the freedom to choose what and how they want notice instead of like, being told and given assignments. And they're thriving. And that's what's amazing, is that this, the ripple effect, is really, really huge,
00:23:34.099 --> 00:23:58.599
and it's and it's not about them having to jump through a hoop and get your clap and your praise, which is not actually what we're trying to achieve. We really want kids who grow up thinking, I've got to just, do, you know, do all the right things, and then I'll get the pat on the back. We actually want them to be self starters about this, which is just amazing, amazing. And one of the things you mentioned was going shopping with the kids and not having to give them a list.
00:23:58.599 --> 00:24:01.559
So talk to me about that, because that's another interesting area.
00:24:01.859 --> 00:24:20.339
Yes, and not to say that shopping lists are bad. I just I can do a lot of things, grocery shopping, meal planning, making dinner like those. That's it's really, really hard for me, and it takes a lot of effort. So before it's the worst, there's like 500 chores involved in meal planning and grocery shopping.
00:24:20.339 --> 00:24:40.640
Yeah. So sometimes, and I think this is a really universal experience, you know, when you're just going to the store and it's kind of like, Oh, it's just on the way home, we need to grab some essentials. Let's we don't have a list. It's not like a whole involved thing. We're just going and grabbing a few things. Usually, in the past, as a mom, I'm the one that has that running mentalist in my head, of like, we're running low on milk.
00:24:40.640 --> 00:24:43.660
We need some more orange juice.
00:24:40.640 --> 00:25:05.819
Kids need more cereal. We need eggs, whatever it is. But now we go into the store, if we're having one of those moments, and I'll say, Okay, guys, I need you. We call it notice and grab we're going to start in the produce section. You guys know what the kind of usual stuff we get that we kind of always. Have on hand. I'm not going to spell it out for you. I know that. You know. I trust you notice and grab it
00:25:06.180 --> 00:25:08.400
doesn't come back with lots of chocolate and crisps.
00:25:08.519 --> 00:25:10.140
Yes, well, and the
00:25:10.140 --> 00:25:30.079
thing is, is I, the first time I did this was I was like, what's going to happen here? Are they going to, like, exactly? Are they going to fill it up with cookies and ice cream and candy bars? And there was only like, two things that I had to veto, and sometimes I'm like, Yeah, you could throw that in the basket. It's fine. But they took that responsibility, wow.
00:25:30.079 --> 00:25:55.059
And they ran with it because it feels good to them, yeah. And they did the produce section, and then we went on to eat, to other sections, and they were just, like, running through the grocery store because it felt free and fun. And actually, I'm just remembering this too. They were in like, the cereal eye or something, and a woman noticed what they were doing, and it was the three of them together deciding what cereals to get.
00:25:55.420 --> 00:26:09.420
And she was like, Are you guys, like, what's what's going on here? Are you just, like, grocery shopping? And they're like, Oh yeah, our mom's just on the next aisle over. We're just grabbing things that we did. And she was like, dumb about it. She was like, wow, that's really amazing that you can do that.
00:26:10.500 --> 00:26:34.880
But then I have like, five things on my list that I have to get, you know, and sometimes we do as a whole family, and my husband and I, like, we will have a list, and we'll divide up the list into sections. Each kid takes a section. We all decide a meeting point to come back afterwards. And my our list just went from like 30 items to five items, amazing. And then it feels like we're on a date.
00:26:32.900 --> 00:26:52.240
We're just walking around the grocery store, grabbing a couple things, you know? And it's fun too, because the kids then start feeling like the first time we did it, especially they were like, bagging the groceries themselves, putting it into the car, loading it, unloading it, getting a wagon to make it easier to unload the groceries.
00:26:52.240 --> 00:27:04.799
Because it was like those dopamine hits of like I did it, feeling kept coming and coming and coming and building on itself. And it's really empowering, like they love, but when we go to the grocery store as a family, now that's
00:27:04.799 --> 00:27:21.059
amazing, how exciting. And also, you know, teenagers, or, I think, David Jaeger, when he wrote his book 10 to 25 one of the things that came through loud and clear was that they're looking for status and respect and and this gives them both, yes, you know, when we're
00:27:21.059 --> 00:27:32.839
not working, yeah, they want that freedom. They want that ownership. They want to do it their way, and to choose how to do it, and this gives them the opportunity to do all of that. Sam,
00:27:32.839 --> 00:27:43.119
how did you end up with this? This? You because You said you went through, you know, working with your husband on it. But I mean is, you know what preamble to that? Why? Why?
00:27:43.119 --> 00:27:48.940
Why do you think you've been the person who's gone live? This is enough, enough. You've had a lot of feminists in the past.
00:27:49.119 --> 00:28:11.220
Sure. I mean, I It's like, Why does anybody do anything? I think it was just like, I just decided, like, you know that story I told where it was like, I'm not, I'm doing for my kids what I'm trying to unlearn between my husband and myself. Why am I continuing to perpetuate this whole thing?
00:28:11.400 --> 00:29:35.720
When my kids are capable, they can do those things for themselves. I've always, I don't know. I guess I've always been good at teaching kids how to do things in very, very simple ways, and so that naturally lended itself to me and notice a dude just popped into my head, because that's what made sense, like we're noticing and we're doing we're not just doing because we were assigned a task, or mom told us to, or whatever, and then when I shared about it on social media, in my first post about it was, I'm teaching my kids about the invisible labor of managing a home, here's how. And it just went like crazy, crazy wildfire. And I think the reason is because there's been a lot of recently, especially talk around the mental load as it pertains to women's lives, inequity in the home and partnerships, and how to address things with adults, with our husband, with our partner, whatever it is, nobody has been talking about the kid thing, yeah. What about kids in all of this, because at the end of the day, like, yes, it like having an adult partner as an equitable partner is so important and huge and a big piece of this. But it's not just mom and dad managing everything.
00:29:31.099 --> 00:30:23.839
It's a whole family team, kids included, that I always say that mental load is a whole family problem. Whole family problems require whole family solutions, and kids are part of the family, and then we are empowering them to not only break the cycle, but to be really impactful, successful, functional adults, like I have people in my DMs all the time saying, if I had just been taught this. Yes, as a child, yes, I would not be drowning. I would not be drowning in my life, because it's so much harder to teach yourself, unlearn bad habits, retrain your brain as an adult, it's so much harder. So let teach our kids now and set themselves up for success so all of these little things don't become big things because they haven't been taught the skills to manage.
00:30:24.259 --> 00:31:01.019
I want to, you know, I'm going to end on that, but I just want to stress that, because I was, I remember looking around the room thinking, I want to tidy up, and then thinking, I don't know how that happens. How do you do that? And where do I start? What do I do? Where do I spent my whole adult life trying to figure this stuff out. Yeah, and what a waste of life. When I could have learned these skills when I was younger, and it would have been so much easier, and then I could have just handed them down to other people. So I love what you're doing, Sam, it's amazing. It's really empowering. It's a wonderful message. Where can people find you? Thank
00:31:01.019 --> 00:31:38.000
you so much. I am on Instagram at Sam Kelly underscore world. I have a link in my bio. There's a free guide, if they want to access that. It walks through like we talked about in the beginning, the three main things, and really breaks down the concept of the big three, how to start teaching your kids that, and how to teach your kids how to notice and do so grab that free guide. I also have an audio course that I open up quarterly, so that will be coming, opening up for an enrollment next month. And if they want to hop on the wait list, that's where they're going to get first access, as well as an exclusive discount, if that's something of interest to you.
00:31:38.299 --> 00:31:54.640
But then also, in my Instagram feed, I just have tons of really practical, practical, simple, quick win tips, like the declutter, decluttering that we talked about, that's all free content. And you could just go off of my free content alone and see pretty massive shifts in your family, amazing.
00:31:54.640 --> 00:31:58.779
And also, you have a book coming out. Yes, yes. Congratulations. Thank
00:31:58.779 --> 00:32:09.599
you. Hopefully signing the contract within the next few weeks, and that's obviously a long process. Won't be out for another like, you know, two years, but it's happening, so
00:32:10.500 --> 00:32:18.660
we'll be watching, we'll be watching, we'll be buying. So well done, Sam, I'm so impressed. Thank you so much for joining us today.
00:32:15.660 --> 00:32:19.799
I'm sure all our listeners will be very grateful to you.
00:32:20.279 --> 00:32:23.240
Thank you. Rachel, so good to chat. Bye.
