Transcript
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Hello and welcome to teenagers untangled the audio hug for parents going through the teen and tween years. I'm Rachel Richards, journalist, parenting coach, mother of two teenagers and two bonus daughters. Hi there.
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I'm Susie Asli, mindfulness coach, mindful therapist and musician and mother of three teenagers. Two of them are twins.
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Now this is the time of year when many of us are gathering as families. If you're a lone parent with nobody around, maybe this is the time of year to start looking for community, because there are a lot more organizations up and running at the moment who are sweeping people up. So, you know, have a have a hunt around if there's nobody that you know of that you can celebrate with
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Susie, because that is hard. We've talked about this before. In particular, I've had Christmases on my own when kids have been with their dad and and, you know, it's it's just a day, but it's also not just today. It's hard. It can be really tough. Go on Facebook, find other people doing the same thing, or do something nice, you know? Yeah, bubble, take care.
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So
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we're going to talk about gatherings before that. Susie, you have a nugget.
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I do. It's really simple one.
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And I don't know why it struck me, but it did.
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I was I had a disagreement with my youngest boy, which is, yeah, happens, but it's kind of unusual with him. He's pretty easy going, and there was something that he agreed to doing, and then changed his mind, which is fine, and we disagreed on it. I won't go into the details of it, because that's not very interesting. And and then I backed off and changed my mind because of what he'd said. And then we talked about it again a few days later, and just to kind of make it clear and make it that there was nothing unspoken that needed resolving still. And he said, Oh, why did you? And I said, you noticed? And he said, Yeah. And I said, Why did you? And I said, Because you asked me to. And it was just like, oh, oh, oh. And he just went, Oh, thank you, Mom, thank you. And that was it, yeah, oh, my god. It's so important. Like, it's so simple, and it's so important. Why?
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Because you asked me to, yeah, oh, amazing, damn. And he knows that he's got that power. Yeah,
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I love that.
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And, yeah, it was kind of, it's just struck me the way. No, that's a good one to share.
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Thank you. I read an article in homes and Garden magazine written, I don't normally read magazines, but there's this one.
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There's this one, and it's written by an amazing garden designer called Marion Boswell.
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Love her work, and her focus is on living with nature rather than battling it for the perfect manicured look. And as you know, my garden doesn't have the perfect manicured look. So she said in this article, the first thing I suggest doing when focusing on your garden is to be kind to yourself like that. That includes not listening to those endless to do lists. Often we look out at the garden and think, I must weed or tell ourselves off for not having done it, and she says, take a step back. Start by taking a cup of tea outside and enjoying and appreciating what's out there without any sense of judgment.
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And when you can be kind to yourself, you can extend that out to the garden and all the creatures that live there. And I thought about that in terms of our family, and I believe it's very true of the way that we work with our family, so trying to enjoy rather than fix what's wrong. And I want to add that one of the really important points is, you know, we talk often about putting on your own oxygen mask first, making sure that you're okay, because your family can't co you can't give but actually what we need to do is make sure we okay, because we deserve to be okay. We deserve to have treats and to feel good about ourselves, not just to serve our family. That's not our role in life, only our role is to be a full person as well.
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Yeah, I think it's really important to remember that I like that because it's actually been, been it's actually used as a reason to be good to yourself, isn't it, so that you still can be good to your family, which is, you know, if that's martyrdom, yeah, it's still the same narrative. Wow. Yeah, yeah, interesting. I like the first thing you said of what was it, working with nature rather, yes, against it. That is like parenting teens surely, absolutely. Working with nature.
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Got to go with go with the flow.
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And this feeds into some of the stuff we're going to talk about in a minute. So let's start with a review that you have. I do. I have one here, and it's thank you for being there. I just want to say a massive thank you for being there for parents of teenagers every week. Not only do I look forward to each episode, but also have listened to many of the shows more than a handful of a few times.
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Navigating this period is extremely difficult, but extremely important, and there is no one size fits all. Thank you for covering a wide range of topics, there is something for everyone. I work for a very large and established retailer, and have shared the podcast with a parent, with parents of teens and tweens. Community, it's hard raising teenagers, isn't it?
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Yes. Thank you for being there.
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What a beautiful review. Thank you for that. That's from Kate.
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Yeah, and Kate messaged me on instagram so you can message lots of different ways to message now.
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Well, I wanted to mention that review, because she carried on and said, I have an increasingly difficult relationship with my 12 year old daughter, who, until only recently, was the kind of sweetest little girl. Hello.
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Welcome to the teenagers. I am using many of the tips from your podcast, and there are some days where these work perfectly, and others where nothing works, damn it. It's funny. You know, it's like that in yoga, and my I had a yoga guru called David Swenson, who's a peripatetic teacher, is brilliant. And he'd always say, it's the yoga fairies, because one day you'd get on the mat and you would fly, and then the next day you'd be like, I can't do this. And he's saying it's just so there are many reasons why these things happen. And she said, I wanted to ask, Do you have any tips for rebuilding connections with teenagers and how to encourage girls and boys to share more of what is going on in their mind, as opposed to closing down and becoming distant? I'll just get my magic wand.
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Oh, my goodness, imagine how rich you would be if you had one of
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those. We have.
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Episode Two, covers how to stay connected with your teenager.
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Episode Three, how to talk. So they'll listen. Episode 13, great ways to spend time with your teen. So we did quite a bit of this early on, didn't we, but it's quite long time ago, so I'll put those, those things, yeah,
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any top tips? Yeah.
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I just think it comes back to the to well, two things stand out, mainly when I hear you say that is, one is, is reframing our own relationship, and maybe the grief and the understanding that it's changed. And I think the way that this lady's word it, you know, it was, you can hear the the missing, the little 12, you know, pre 12 year olds.
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And they do change, and then suddenly we're like, where did they go? And the closeness has gone, and you're left with something that feels less comfortable. And I think we need to give space to the grief of that, and the understanding that it's changed, and it might come back, it will look different.
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But I think if, before we give space to that, it's really hard to then accept it, and then, you know what's what's so then giving space that what's the intention of you, your parenting, like, what? How do you want it to look? And then we've talked about this, those times, like the little moments, it's no longer that they want to be with you, 24/7, but then you make the best of the little moments and and I find with, I think it's different with boys and girls, but I find with all of them, but particularly my daughter, maybe it goes in phases. And I've just had a recent phase where, I mean, she's much older than this lady's daughter, where I felt her a shift again, and where I've gone. Oh, and, you know, just in six months, you couldn't start a sixth form and and there's loads of beautiful positives in that she's growing up, but then suddenly she's older, and I miss the younger bits, and miss those bits. And there's, there's a another wave of grief and shift and change.
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It's like it's ongoing.
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Yeah, I think giving ourselves a bit of kindness in that angry and we don't like it, changing it so no one likes it. Transitions are hard. They are but finding finding moments, finding moments, yeah, and I found that I'm a big fan of being very open about how we are changing gears.
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So when my daughters went through this phase, I actually took time out with them. Now, I'm lucky enough where we could go away for a very short trip together, but it doesn't have to be a going away.
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It could be a mother daughter dates or, you know, and again, with the boys finding something on a monthly basis, or something where you spend time together.
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But I'm a big fan of being very open about saying we're changing gears. Yeah, you are now moving into a stage where you're very focused on your peer group. And I understand that, and that's okay, but I need you to know that I'm still here and there will your friends will care about you so much, and you'll care so much about your friends, but no one will love you as much as I do and care about the outcome of everything. So remember that you can tell me anything, and I will not tell other people. That's critical. I think one of the most important things to establish at this stage is I will not tell a soul the things you tell me. I'm a safe place to vent and to let out the things that bother you.
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I won't judge you, because once they know that, when you say that, and they know that they will, that that relationship will start to flourish until you've planted that seed and explained that that's what's happening. It just sort of hasn't quite they will. Because I it wondered a bit with one of mine, and she lied to me. And I said, Why are you lying to me?
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And she said, All the girls lie to their parents. And I said, No, no, you don't do that okay.
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And it's, it's just about managing that. But I do think that really helps. Yeah, I remember I was just thinking now at that age, I think me and my daughter started watching a very, very long series,
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Gilmore Girls. I mean, doesn't love that Adam it was really beautiful, and it doesn't have to be that, but it was more it.
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Came a bit of a routine, and it was Mother Daughter thing. And through that program, I showed loads of great conversations, and it was really fun. But something just something really simple, it doesn't, you know, something simple that you do the way you co you connect.
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Yeah, we still talk about, actually, I agree, I agree. And I'm doing that with my daughter, with the dolls, which we've just finished. But one thing I would say is, what I really like as well, is you do that at the start. So say 1211, 12, and doesn't matter if it's a little bit late, so don't panic.
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Give yours they're a bit older.
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But you can also bookmark it at the other end. So my 18 year old daughter, I did that again to mark the change in our relationship and how she's She's grown up. It wasn't what I think she was when she was 16, actually, but it'll my other daughter will be a bit later.
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But I think it's a really wonderful thing to do, and then recognize it and say, look at how you've grown and and I see you as a whole person. Yeah, you're not just my baby, yeah.
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And if you still my baby, yeah?
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And they might go, I don't want to do that, but yeah, finding Yeah, connecting over the stuff they liked. It's something to offer. Yeah, it's beautiful.
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Susie, have you heard of Priya Parker?
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Yes, through you,
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I've talked about her book, but I'm quite a blabbermouth, so I never quite remember who I've told it. The book is called The Art of gathering, and I suddenly became obsessed with it, because it was to do with parties. And you know, when you start doing parties for your kids, which I don't do a lot of, and or they're going to parties. I always I put them in the car at the end, when I go to collect them, and I say, what was the good? What was the bad? Or when I've done a gathering, I say, what worked, what didn't, so that we can. And it's none of it's judgmental. It's more like, Oh, what was good? You know, how do we do this? Co your pickups from parties are very different from, well, there is the old child vomiting Adele song, the loud singing. We didn't normally do that on the way to the party.
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They always want to debrief afterwards. Great, yeah, and, and one of the things they said was, oh, there was this amazing we had so much fun that there was so much dancing. And I said, Tell me about it. And they were in this tiny tent. So there was the party, and then the tent had the disco stuff in it lights, and they were all crammed in.
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And they said it was brilliant.
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It was really hot and sweaty.
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And I just went, Oh, that's amazing. It's about it's all about the space. And Priya Parker recently shared something so her book is called The Art of gathering, how we meet and why it matters. And she's an expert on this. She's done a bomber parties. And one of the things that I shared recently on social media, that I loved was where this musician, who was a busker, had gone into a public space. He had put red tape into a circle and then set up to play music.
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But in addition to the red tape, he put a sign up saying, dancing circle. So he's now told people what that circle is there for.
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People came along and danced in it. He was a good musician, by the way, but people were dancing in the circle. Now, the whole point about it and why it reflects back on what Priya Parker says is we need to create spaces for people to come together. And when you don't have a specific a delineated space, often the energy doesn't stay there in that space. And then people don't they're not given permission to behave a certain way. So if you call it a dancing circle, people come and dance. If you called it a talking circle, right? People would want not go in there and think, oh, just go and dance.
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Yeah, they would feel uncomfortable, right? So it's how we frame things. Exercise of it, you're right. Actually, the size really matters, like it's dispersed exactly in it. So, so, so I so she, in her book, she has, this is the perfect size for these types of gatherings.
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That's the stuff I read. And then she got quite esoteric, and I stopped reading. But it's actually, really, it's so interesting, and it's so interesting talking about the different types of gathering. So I talk about squishing too many people around the table for Christmas. Great. Can go, yay.
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It's fine. It's great. Lovely.
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Elbows in each other's food. You know, it's but there are diff The point is, the other thing point she makes is she does talk about delineating parties, and she said, we're too laissez faire about gatherings, because not just party gathering. She said, what we do is we go, oh, I don't want to impose my ideas on them. We'll just get people together. It'll be really fun.
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And she said, this is not the way to do it, because people come in and they don't feel the rhythm of the party. They don't know when they're supposed to leave properly. They don't know.
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They walk in and they feel ginger about, you know, who do I go and talk to? She said it's much better to create a pace to the party, a sense of why you Why are you there? And people will want to come more, and they will talk more. So she has this whole thing about it anyway. So the reason I'm talking all about her is because she sent out an email, and it was about the US election, and how a lot of division and dissent had happened, and, you know, and discourse in communities about it, where people hated each other. And she was trying to talk about, look, here's how we can come together. And you.
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I think it's very apt for when our families come together. Yeah, and I would have liked her to come on, but I think she's probably organizing Obama's party. So we'll just talk about, what do you mean she doesn't want to come on here? I know.
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Can you believe it? Can't believe it. I don't think she understood quite who it is. No exactly that we'll give her another chance next year.
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Possibly, possibly might be one and done anyway. She says, if she's learned anything from 20 years as a conflict resolution facilitator, it's that sometimes what's needed most is to water the proverbial garden, give it nutrients. So what we're trying to do is replenish the soul of our family or community with nutrients and be intentional about it. So here's my thinking, before the this holiday, when you're getting together, grow your capacity and desire to want to be together more. Because I think after COVID, people's desire to be together sort of dissipate. They didn't. They just weren't keen. And I think that there's a lot of hangover from that with a lot of people.
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So we want to not only make it appealing to come together, but also grow that desire to spend more time together. So here are some of the things she said right. Number one, let quirks do the heavy lifting. And what she means by that is, you know, when you when you don't spend time with people and you only see them on social media, or you only hear their politics.
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You know that they have voted this way. It flattens their character. You see them in one dimension because you're only seeing that thing. And what we really want to do is see the full person, and the full person obviously often has little quirks or things that interest them. So if someone met you, they may not know much about you, but you're a viola player, and that's your thing. That's aside from all the other things that you are, and we're many different things. And so picking out something that's interesting about a member of your family, like, Oh, I remember Uncle David used to like watching birds, you know, get him on the subject. He doesn't have to talk about his, you know, racism or his, whatever it is that, right?
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Yeah, I think sometimes these topics, though, they nobody intends to bring them up. Maybe some people do. Some people do, oh, great. And they they feel that they're really able to and it's exciting, and they love you. Maybe they love a bit of conflict. And I'm gonna, you know, it's often they talk to different over different generations. Let's, let's prod them a bit and make it fun, make fires. But I think often it comes out, doesn't it? We're talking about something, and then it comes out, and then maybe it escalates, but we can always throw water on that, and then we can get good at that. We can get good at diverting, like, I fantastic teaching my love that my kids this. Like, if somebody's talking about something that you you you don't want to talk about, instead of making it obvious that you don't want to talk about it, because then it just gets worse, you just divert. And people nearly always don't notice. And then people so right, suddenly they're left going, oh, oh, hang on. And you divert to something they you know, they're interested in. And you do it really discreetly and really cleverly. And actually, my eldest did it on me the other day, and you just did it.
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Oh, yeah.
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So we don't, we don't have to get stuck in conversations we don't want to be in, yeah. So don't get trapped and and, you know, so let's say it's the elderly relative who's telling you about their hip replacement or something. You just think, I just didn't want to hear about this, you know? What? About their beadwork? Yeah, make it lighting, yeah, and you can move on, yeah, get them on something that makes their eyes Spark, yeah, because they're human, then they're interesting. Yeah, everyone, everyone is interesting. And then, like you said, like the intention you bring to the table is what you can keep like, if you want to go to the table as a cantankerous old grump who wants to be right in everything they talk about, then you know it's not going to end well, is it? No. Quite another one is deputize an unexpected host so you can find the person who sometimes we introduce new people into the family. And so, for example, one of my bonus daughters has a new boyfriend. He's not that new.
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He's been around for a year, but, you know, he hasn't visited that often when he comes, he's absolutely amazing. We love him, and I can see he's got a really interesting character, and he's good at certain things, yeah, like, he's great at making conversations with other people.
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And you can get someone like that in to the mix and deputize them to go and do, oh, can you go make the drinks? Yeah, hand them out, because you know that he's going to perform really well, and that's going to stir up the room. That's going to change the atmosphere, isn't it?
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Yeah. And you can, you can assign, you know, the 10 year olds who normally you just sit there, just you can give them a little job. And, you know, I tell you what I, what I used to do with my daughter was, I'd say, you go and fold the napkins in the best so you can have competition with your sister who's going to fold the napkins in the nicest way.
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Yeah, go online, see we can find a good napkin folding tutorial.
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You brilliant idea. Brilliant idea. I think we under.
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Estimate the vibe we send out.
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Like, if, if your family see that you're sitting at the table and you are having a nice time and you are happy, yes, and you're really enjoying this meal, like, even though it's busy, whatever, yeah, then they you, they pick up.
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If you go to the table a little bit worried, or a little bit, you know, stressed out, you've burned the potatoes or whatever, which I probably will have done, don't talk about the potatoes.
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Then you're sending then they're kind of, they're certainly on edge. Yeah, it's a ripple effect. You need to be conscious of the energy you bring to I completely agree. And if you know energy is energy. So if you've got somebody, if you've got people who like to fight because some family members are just quite gruelous. They really like to have a good old ding dong. Well, you know, get games that will.
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They can fight on code names, werewolf, Peru. Do we use these games as a way of channeling that energy or send them outside and tell them to go and play football or something where, you know, just give them a ball and say, right, your spike ball is a good game. Yeah, that's a brilliant idea. Channel that energy, and you can also have rules. Like, I remember when I was growing up as a teenager, my dad liked to discuss particular subjects with me, because he knew you'd get a feisty answer, and that was fun for him. And then I got bored of that, or too annoyed, and I just I'm not talking about them anymore. I'm not and you try every time, I'm not talking about that anymore. So you can do that. Say it a few times.
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We're not talking politics. No politics here, like it's why not? Absolutely. I love it. Break it up. So change the dynamic, which is what we've been talking about. But here's an interesting one. So So Priya talks about breaking up the whole situation so you can get stale setups where people normally get gathered together and have group conversations, and they've tried and tested ways in which family members relate to each other. And she says, Based on information from on group dynamics from David Cantor, there are four roles people assume. There's the leader, the follower, the opposer and the bystander. So this is when you get a whole group together. And none of those roles is bad, but quite often, the same people can play the same roles in a conversation because they get stuck. And so she said, what you can do is you can break up the group into unlikely parts, for example, and this will aerate the whole group so you can allocate jobs to two members of the family that don't normally spend time together, for example, or or, you know, if you've got a family member who rarely where they rarely spend time together, and they don't really know each other. You can put them together and try and mix it up a bit. So it's not always the same people sitting together, because I find We've got members of our family with big, booming voices who tend to sit together, and then they just dominate every day. No one can hear anything. Yeah? So I like to move them all about so these place settings actually matter. Yeah? Because I have in the past gone, I'll just go sit where you want. No, yeah, no, that's true. That is true, and you can give kids real roles. So for example, you know, there's the napkin folding, there's there's the actual right? Your job this year is, I need you to decorate all of this. Well, I need you to make the table look beautiful. Can you go out and collect flowers and things from the garden? Not that you'd have them in winter, but if some of our listeners are in Australia, you know, go and get things and make this a beautiful tokens, buying cones. You have to let go this. This involves us letting go of our own idea of perfection. And I found that I really struggled when I took over as the matriarch of the family, because my mother in law had done an amazing job of Christmas year after year, and I was then the person with the House and the fact, you know, and I took over as the person who would host Christmas, but I tried to do it her way, out of respect for her, but also, you know, and she liked it that way.
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And eventually I realized I hated it. Didn't feel comfortable. I wasn't enjoying myself, and my husband said, why don't you just do it your way?
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But I also think that involving other people and saying, so you can say, you bring a game, you introduce it. What game are you going to bring? And you can do, you know, totally and then people feel is a bit like having a potluck dinner, isn't it? If yes, people bring something, they have a responsibility. They they're more invested. They're more invested. They feel like it's their celebration, it's not just yours. And then they don't feel that they're having to fit in. Because I think often people who turn up and they're very reluctant, it's because they feel like it's that not their space. Yeah, they don't, and they don't, they feel insecure, yeah, yeah. But at the end of the day, I mean, really, and it's, it's the biggest test, really isn't it, is being with our own family. It's that famous quote of like, if you think you're enlightened, spend the week with your family, you know it can be really challenging.
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Can be really beautiful, really wonderful, and it's probably our most triggering space. But really, at the end of the day, nobody can make us feel a particular way. It is so right to our.
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Is how we are in that space. And you might have a very annoying family member who's driving you insane, but if you don't let them drive you insane, they can't, yeah, but we have to be very able for that, and to varying degrees of that. But it's not a big deal, but it's about being pro. So we've talked about this in the previous episode, about this is about being proactive and anticipating beforehand. This person annoys me. I'm going to turn up in a proactive way, rather than, Oh my God, I've just got to get through it, and I can make this positive. Like one of the really great suggestions is to seed new conversations, so groups that have been together for a while will get stuck with the same conversations, and they know things about each other, but they don't. But actually, one of the things you can do is are, don't ask people what they think, ask them to share a story. So because you can't pick apart a story and criticize it, or you can, but, you know, it's much harder than it's somebody's political viewpoint or so you can say. So what's something that you've changed about your mind about this year? That's a good idea. Or what's the best new food you tried this year?
00:26:01.440 --> 00:26:11.880
Yeah? Oh, I'm going to make a list of those. Yes. What songs have been your best? What? Let me show me your playlist. Yeah, what are the best songs you've heard this year? Because I'm dying to learn some new songs.
00:26:11.880 --> 00:26:33.740
You'll hear some new songs. Good idea. Yes, go through. Yes, right? And that's a really lovely thing. It's almost like a desert island disc, but it's a way of bringing them, because then they can bring themselves to the table and actually talk about themselves in a way that is non confrontational, because it's about them. I might get my family, so we'll bring a question each Yeah, like that.
00:26:29.839 --> 00:27:04.200
Well, yeah. I mean, that's like those, you can buy those games where they have a question. And actually, my kids love, well, particular, one of them, in particular, when we were just one to one. So again, if you're one to one, if you are mum on your own with a kid, dad on your own with a kid, one my kid absolutely loved was, I try remember the name of it, but it was one where you just get a question, and it's which would I be most likely to do? Oh, yeah, and my sus my daughter, sussed, that's it. I took that with me away on holiday, and we would get stuck with nothing to do.
00:27:04.200 --> 00:27:08.940
I'd pull it out. And she did we go, Oh, can we do another? Can we do another? Can we do another? That's really good.
00:27:08.940 --> 00:28:11.400
It's great. Well done. You sussed it, and then talk less games, games, games, games. I'm just, I've learned. So I, what I did was I went from making everything about the lunch together to realizing that that was just compressing us into difficult conversations. So we have the lunch, and then everyone has to go and play games. Okay? And each family is different. Each family is different. Some people, they probably prefer the other way around. But absolutely, yeah, games are brilliant. So my mother in law normally doesn't really like these sorts of on the hoof, games and things. And we, there were enough of us this year because we've taken waves and strays. And there was we played Empire, and you can look up the rules, it costs nothing, because you just do it on the spot. And she absolutely loved it. And then she said, Can we play again? Oh, brilliant. And this is someone who doesn't normally like sorts of things, because it's not about competition in the traditional sense of it? There's the after eight game where you stick an after eight on your forehead, or chocolate on your forehead, and you have to get it down to your mouth without touching it.
00:28:08.880 --> 00:28:14.519
That's good, and eat it. Just stupid things that make people laugh. Yeah, that's good, right?
00:28:14.519 --> 00:28:17.400
And so I always now have a game.
00:28:14.519 --> 00:28:24.200
What did I give you for Christmas? Lucy, she's given me a game I have task master, absolutely brilliant game.
00:28:21.200 --> 00:28:30.440
Recommend it. But you know, that has been lifesaver for us. We've loved it. Yeah, we've got some games for this year. There you go. So that's pretty much it.
00:28:30.440 --> 00:28:35.420
You can listen to the old episode as well. How's shopping been going for Christmas?
00:28:33.140 --> 00:28:35.420
Because we celebrate Christmas.
00:28:35.420 --> 00:28:38.299
We're in a Christian society.
00:28:35.420 --> 00:29:24.619
Some of you won't be celebrating Christmas. You'll celebrate other things at other times of the year, but yeah, so I have, I have my family this year for Christmas, so I they go to their dads every other year. So for me, this year is a year which is lovely. So I have a massive amount of compassion and empathy for people who might not be doing that this year. Yeah and yeah, my twins turn have a birthday on the 20th of December. Nice timing, my partner has a birthday on the 22nd of December. So it's all a bit mental, to be honest. So I don't know what I've bought and what I've got and where I'm at really, and whether I've ordered a turkey or anything. And nobody even likes turkeys. We're doing it for my dad because he would think it wasn't Christmas if we didn't have a taste too funny, my kids were like, well, just get big chicken. Mum. Like, no one likes Turkey.
00:29:25.880 --> 00:29:34.039
Do you know what? After I took over, my husband said, Do you know what? No more Turkey, Turkey. I don't want turkey. So we now have a beef Wellington.
00:29:31.220 --> 00:29:48.759
Oh, okay, and that's, that's become our family thing. Yeah, that's the thing. And so sometimes you can just that's the whole problem, because some people really like things to stay the same, and then other people like to switch it up a bit. I'm not a big Yeah, I'm easy. I'm easy. So I don't know is the answer to your question.
00:29:48.759 --> 00:29:59.920
I don't quite know how far along I am. I'm sure it will all work out. And it always feels like it's, you know, it feels quite stressful, doesn't it? And then you're going, well, actually, it's me making this stressful.
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:16.980
And it'll be fine, yeah, it's all lovely. It's beautiful, yeah, and I'm a believer in lowering expectations Absolutely. You know, guys, you might get a present. I'm not sure. How about you? Are you sorted? Yeah, I buy books. Books are important. In fact, my older said, my older daughter said, just, you know, any classic book that you get lovely happy.
00:30:18.119 --> 00:30:20.819
I've made photo books again.
00:30:18.119 --> 00:30:55.119
That's another beautiful that's a lovely thing. Takes a really nice it's so lovely, like I've actually had to been so fortunate this year I've been away with each of my kids on their own listening, which has just been beautiful. And lucky to be able to do that this year, just really short trips. And I made them each a book off that trip, my husband asked for placemats around the table. Oh, lovely. And, and so I left it a couple of days and I said, you know, you know, if you've got your dropbox with your photos in it, he said, Oh, I'm not sure where it is. And then he finally shared it. He's dropped about seven photos in it. So I'm like, okay, that's not very helpful.
00:30:52.539 --> 00:30:59.019
Thank you, because I'm going to I've made placemats with photos.
00:30:55.180 --> 00:31:13.140
Oh, beautiful. So some of them are not his photos, and I am not the best photographer. He's a brilliant photographer, just that. I'll look at something that is gorgeous, and then he will zoom in right to the nth degree and say he's not in focus. He can't zoom in on a place, Matt, he can't zoom in.
00:31:09.720 --> 00:31:35.000
He'll be using his fingers to try and zoom in, won't he? I'm looking forward to seeing your placement. He doesn't listen. So I can tell you that anyway, that's it. Yeah. Have a lovely holiday. I may take a break from doing this podcast, because I did all the way through summer and it's quite so it's good, or I might just do something on New Year too. So we'll see. We'll see. Anyway, holidays, isn't that what we say internationally? Happy holidays.
00:31:35.359 --> 00:31:36.440
Have a good one. Yeah.
