Transcript
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Hello and welcome to teenagers. Untangled the audio hug for parents going through the teenage years. I'm Rachel Richards, parenting coach, journalist, mother of two teenagers and two bonus daughters.
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Hi there. I'm Susie Asli, mindfulness coach, mindful therapist and musician and mother of three teenagers. Two of them are
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twins. Got it out this time. It's been so long.
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Remember who I am.
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Welcome back.
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So nice to see you. Susie, your son was taking driving lessons, wasn't he? Yes, has he? Has he passed? No,
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he hasn't actually had a massive break, but he's actually back into it now and is gonna do his test
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good. So we're both in the same boat. Good time to be talking about driving. In this episode, we're going to talk about teen driving rates.
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So how many teenagers are actually passing and driving around changes that are being made as a result of what insurance company data is telling us and the things we parents can consider when talking to our teenagers who are learning to drive? Yeah, I've
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got two turning 17 in December. You're just it's all
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going to come at once, isn't it? Once, isn't it? Yeah. Now, first of all, we had a review from Benedict, who said, hi there. I love your podcast and your insight into teenagers lives. I understand that connection is one of the most important pillars in our relationship with teens.
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However, what about if the teens don't share much. My two boys, they're boys, are 17 and 15. I try to ask them open questions, but answers are always very brief, and they would rarely voluntarily share stories or emotions. What do you think?
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Susie,
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well, it's tricky, isn't it? I mean, sounds awfully sexist, but boys are different.
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They share less. I think in general, not all boys, obviously, but in general, and I don't know, in my experience, mine aren't, yeah, they go in phases. Mine aren't massive shares. Particularly one of them, I think it's finding, anyway, in my experience, I know it's finding what the connection is. So that particular child humor. So if I go in and I mean, he's actually told me the past where I've gone in and tried to be super empathetic when he's maybe had something about his dad or something, and I'm asking really open questions, and then he's turned around and gone, Mum, you're not helping. You're making and I've gone, oh, okay, so it's finding what is the connection. And for him, I think it's, it's humor. And if we have a light humor and a connection like it, like build that connection, and it might be something else. Might be doing something creative. It might be doing something sporty, it might be doing something else. Boys are very much doing, doing. Then once you've got that good connection, then they'll just, I think, anyway, mind you just drop little nuggets in, and then you can go, oh, grab on them.
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Grab grab them when you see them. Yeah. And I think that's a really important point, because I think we associate, particularly if we are talkers, we associate connection with conversation, yeah. And actually, connection can be done in so many different ways. It can be sharing, watching a game together. It can be going to a film together. It can be enjoying. We both like coffee. You know, the ways in which we connect on a daily basis don't need to be about having conversations. But I also think, I hope, Benedict, that you listen to the interviews I've done about masculinity, because there, there are so many times when boys are sort of, they learn that they should really shut down and not say what they're really thinking and feeling. And it's so ingrained that it's very difficult for them to just suddenly start talking about how they feel. So finding ways to connect that aren't about talking can be incredibly powerful in giving them a safe place where they think, Oh, I'm accepted here, and then they feel more safe about talking about other things, maybe Absolutely,
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100% I think some of the best openers I've had with with the with my other son is sitting on the floor mucking about with the dog. It doesn't have to be going and doing something interesting, just, yeah, you know, frying an egg, or, you know, doing something like that, and then, then just dropping something in. And sometimes they shut you down, and sometimes they're open. You just have to pick your moments,
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yeah. And also the Brendon coughs key, who talks about masculinity, he said, one of the things that's really useful is sometimes just leaning on their statistics, and you can say, oh, you know, I read that such and such a boys are like this, and just chuck in something, you read, something you've seen in the news, anything, and just get them to talk. And just, and when they talk, just, just listen. Yeah, you don't have to have an opinion. So they know that they've got a place where they can give their opinions and and they're heard. And
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I think sometimes they get quickly, super sensitive. If you come in with like, a particular sentence opener. Yeah, maybe you've read, or you think's gonna work, or maybe works with your other kids, you know, and it doesn't work for them, and then they hear it, and it's like a red flag, Mom's going down that road. So, you know, just try something
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else. Yeah? And don't worry, we all mess up.
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It's okay, yeah, if you try something. It doesn't work, fine, just try another
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Yeah. And I genuinely believe that is as long as they understand that there is a space, there is a capacity for that space. When they need it, they will come and use it. Understand.
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Yeah, exactly.
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So another listener has said, I love your podcast. As a single mum who has a 12 year old son, it has been a great help in preparing me for the teen stages. Slightly awkward question, how would you deal with modesty around the house?
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My son has mild autism and has yet to develop a feeling or need to be more modest. Is this a bad thing? Should I step in?
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He's 12. He's 12.
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Oh, so not very old. I mean, I honestly think that we were kind of obsessive about not showing our bodies in our culture. I mean, it's obviously different in different cultures. I lived in Denmark for years, where they're a little bit more laid back and like my boys were, you know, cover up, cover up, cover up. Don't come in the bathroom from an early age. And I was a bit like, Oh, it's just your body and it's fine. Obviously, I totally respect this privacy and would never do anything weird and make it awkward for them.
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But I think that's beautiful, yes, as long as it's not making him a, you know, with his mates, making him a, you know, butt of being teased or something. But I think being comfortable in your own skin and being comfortable
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in your bodies is and in your own home, in your own home, I mean, and in Germany, you go into the SPAS or naked. And I think what's really interesting is I grew up in a very judgy we did come on this toxic kind of world of body shaming, blah, blah, blah, and I've noticed that most of the girls in my family walk around braless and in their knickers.
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And when I was young, that was absolutely verboten at home, if there was a man around, they don't care no, and we don't care no, and they're just because their bodies are their bodies, and nobody's and it's, and I think it's we just have to get over ourselves and do
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what's comfortable.
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I think, I think that I've experienced anyway, the damaging tone in it can be when we go, you're not wearing any clothes, yuck. Put some you know, that make it like disgusting somehow.
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And you hear it all the time. It sounds a bit extreme, but if you listen, ooh, yuck. And I think that's really damaging, I
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completely agree. And if you can't be relaxed in your own home, yeah, so I think you're doing fine.
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Let him wander around with everything out if that makes him happy, but if that makes
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you uncomfortable, it's all about boundaries, isn't it? Then, you know, then, then maybe that's not the right thing in your home. But you know, it's it's
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up to you. What are you having? We'd love to anybody else. Got any ideas? Do you tell me? I'm sure we've got some really conservative people, or even more liberal people. Let us know. Do you have a nugget? I
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do. So it's been a little while we haven't been doing this for a few weeks. Have we summer holidays?
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So rusty? Yeah, can't speak,
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although that's Annie. And what has popped up for me a few times is this kind of old chestnut of I think it's comes. I first read it anyway, in ecard Tolly. I think that's how you pronounce the surname.
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I'm never sure, toll Tolly, in the Power of Now, of the only pain is resistance to the present moment. And I first reading went, what? Nah. But actually, I completely buy into that, and we resist stuff. So I've been practicing sometimes and summer holidays are, you know, they come with stuff, don't they? Yeah, life comes and stuff, and it's when we want things to be different from how they are. We resist so that could be on holiday, you know, you want things, you think things should be a particular way. You've maybe dreamt of it being a particular way, or exam results or just daily life, and you think it's going to be one way, and something happens and it's not that way, and then we massively resist, and we maybe feel disappointed, or we try and force it to be another particular way, because we can't quite get over the fact that it isn't how we imagined it. And if we can just let go and go and accept that this moment is how it is, like surrender to this moment. Stop resisting it. Then we can take action. But if we're just focusing on the disappointment or the resistance or This is so unfair, I want it to be different, then we get stuck, and when so much resentment, and I don't know, disappointment, upset can come into it. So this moment, so I've been practicing sometimes this moment is how it is. I thought it was going to be different, but this is how it is. So now, what do we do now? What? Yeah,
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interesting.
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Very mindfulness, very mindful and very mindful. I have been writing a course I've told you about, and it's about how to be a fearless parent. And there's one section in it I've been working on, and I keep going over it because I want to hone it to make sure it's as useful as possible. And it's about how to find out what your values are. And it's really important to me and I so I've tried it on the different people in my.
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Family, including myself, and it's the most incredible thing, because I now have understood how I've got one particular child who doesn't really share the same values as me, and I, quite a while ago, said to her, you don't share the same values as me. And she didn't understand what I was talking about. And it was a clash. We had a real kind of moment where I was really cross. And what's great is we've actually sat down, defined her values clearly, and they are different. And now she and she was very comfortable talking about her values, because I said to her, this isn't about judgment. This is about who you know, what, how do you live your life and what, what's important to you? And by codifying the values, because originally, this was for parents, but I thought, actually, this is good for children too. And by codifying those values, it's given us something that is separate from us, that we can identify and we can talk about, and it's, it's like a I can't it's like just being handed as an incredible Jedi sword. You know? I just feel so much more powerful. Now empowered, not powerful. I feel so much more empowered in having conversations that don't end up feeling emotional and fraught.
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Yeah,
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I guess it's incredible. Sounds amazing. I mean, values are the fundament of everything, but if we don't know what they are, yes, and we're swimming around in the dark a bit exactly
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so. And I've never done this before, and actually, so it's great. So I will, once that I finished the course, I'll tell you all about it. But anyway, I'm going to
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borrow that for my kids, because I do it for myself. For adults, it's quite a kind of a used thing, isn't it?
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You need to know what your values are. And then
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I've never done it. Then I never knew. I never done it. Didn't know how to do it. And I've been searching a lot, and I hadn't found anything. I particularly thought so I've written one, I've written a whole load of exercises to use, and they're different. They're coming at it from different angles, so that by the end of it, you've got an ability to a say what your values are, and B categorize them. So what's the most important, you know? So that if you actually come up against a situation, you can check which
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makes choices much more easy. And I think they, I mean, they do change as well over time. So it's really always interesting to go back and exactly
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evaluate, yes, but they tend to. They tend to be quite stable, but they will evolve. Yeah. So we don't decide our values. We uncover them.
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Yeah. We do, yeah. Anyway, so let's drive. Yes. Anyway, driving, I always like to anchor our discussions in statistics or something research. So back in 2017 I found, does it feels like yesterday, doesn't it? 2017 Do you know that was actually seven years ago? Feels like ages ago?
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Seven years ago. Anyway, The Guardian newspaper in that year had a headline which read the U turn generation. Good headline, have British teenagers stopped learning to drive? And it then went on to say that there'd been an 18% drop over 10 years and the number of teens taking driving tests. But then it said, under closer inspection, they think the trend was in reverse.
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Okay, wrong. The banking website, go. Henry has a good article on this topic, and according to a new statistic, only a third of 17 to 25 year olds now hold a license or even driving a third. Wow. Now this is in the UK, but it's not only the UK. This is actually, yes, there was a survey done by the Guardian in August last year, covering 18 to 25 year olds in Britain, Denmark, France, Germany, Italy, Spain and Sweden, 54% of 18 to 24 year olds said they would, or already did, only walk cycle or use public transport, and they said it was to help the climate. Now, to frame this, it was a questionnaire about the climate.
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Okay, the the UK's Department for Transport did a similar survey, and they found only 19% of respondents said they weren't interested in driving. So actually, it's not that they're not interested in driving.
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It's super expensive. So the
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reasons you don't need the survey, do you? I mean, they do these surveys, and you think we knew that the reasons they found were mostly the cost. 41% said it's the cost of lessons, and the rest it was either the cost of buying the car or the cost of insurance, even, even amounts. So, yeah, it's cost, right? Super expensive. And, you know, I mean, I started out by teaching my daughters to drive. And what I do is I just get them out on the driveway with the clutch, and I say, you're not allowed to use the accelerator pedal at all. And we just do really small maneuvers, reversing up, forward, everything, just so that they can get used to handling a car before they go out onto the road and drive for that as well. I've got the perfect and actually, my oldest, who is still learning to drive now, she hasn't been learning to drive for very long. She said to me, mommy, that was just brilliant, because it's made me so much more aware of the vehicle itself and how to control it in different situations. But I then looked at lessons. A lot of lessons are taken up by they've had these kind of organizations that have taken over lessons. So. You know, there's the, the Red School of driving, the AA School of driving, and then, so you have to go through them to find an instructor who then you book lessons with, but you don't know the instructor. Yeah, I hate all that privately. You can do it privately, but there's a lot of that going on, that whole, you know, and they take your money up front. Don't like it at all.
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And I found, I found a lovely but you see, the problem is most driving instructors are booked up way in advance. Yeah, I've already got mine in for December, exactly, you see. And I didn't know that, because I was, I was at number one, and I didn't know that. So top tip for everybody who's got a child coming up to that stage, get it all booked in early. Yeah, it's right, because there aren't enough. And when it comes to taking your driving test, I feel like shooting myself. I mean, have you booked a driving test?
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No, we haven't yet, but it's miles away. So okay, so
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I'm just gonna say it's a nightmare. Yeah. I mean, I don't know what it's like in other countries, but part of it was because they claimed it was because of covid, and then they shut down the test. Yeah, exactly. But there aren't enough testers. When you want to go and book a driving test, you have to, well, I this is, I don't know if it's myth or it's real, but you have to get up on a Monday morning at 6am to go into the website and book as soon as you can. And they go with, you know, within a few minutes, they're gone. All this, all the slots are gone. So you book whatever you can get, and it's months and months and months away. And then what you do is you have use an app to try and bring the test forward. Oh, I mean, it's just this is arduous and pointless, and it's Oh, so yeah, absolutely, enough of my rambling, but it's annoying. No,
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it's really bad, and it's become bad. It didn't used to be like that, no, since covid. And yes, we're not in covid anymore, so I don't know why it's not improved. Yeah,
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it's infuriating. So anyway, let's go back and look at cost in a survey by go compare, which is a kind of insurance comparison website, over half a parent said they had done something to help financially contribute to their child's first car. These questions come up a lot, so I thought it's worth people knowing this. And the average age of the vehicle was six years old. Confuse.com which is another comparison website, says Gen Z premiums have increased the most out of all age groups now, insurance has increased across the board in many industries. And when I looked at it, it's not that they are making a ton. They're not actually, because this is a really difficult age group, yeah, especially the boys statistics. And that is not being sexist. That is statistically true. So why is it so expensive? Globally, road traffic crashes are leading cause of death among young people and the main cause of death among those aged 15 to 29, years drivers aged 17 to 19 make up 1.5% of license holders, but are involved in 12% of fatal and serious crashes. And the problem is, it's not just the people dying, it's the multiple into injuries and the other people in the car, right? So it's the amount of people involved is really it's just terrible anyway. So what are the teen drove? Driving risk, inexperience and immaturity, two slightly different things. So the thing about it is we know Okay, so when I was teaching my daughter, I was taking her to another town where she is going to be learning she's going to be taking a test. So what we're doing is driving back and forth to this town, because it's really good experience. And as we were driving along this road in a village, I saw a group of young kids walking along the pavement, and I clocked them straight away, and suddenly a boy dropped a ball. And I said, people stop now. And she said, why? And I said, That boy has just dropped a ball, and that ball is going to roll into the road and he's probably going to run after it. Hopefully he won't, but he did, and she hadn't even seen the kids. And that's not because she's a bad driver. It's because young drivers are not experienced at what they should see outside the car, and I'm trying to teach them to look outside the car at what's going on around them, because that's the stuff that's really causes the some of the experiences, it's experience. So here's a good tip. Toyota's collaborative Safety Research Center and the University of Massachusetts have created an online, free course you can do, which is risk anticipation. And they said what they're trying to do is bridge the gap between people who are experienced drivers and who have learnt through experience to notice these things, and those who have passed driving tests but they don't learn that stuff. Yeah, which is great. That's amazing.
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I'll put the link in the podcast notes. That
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is amazing because it's, it's that you can't really make that stuff up. Can't
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accelerate it unless you have that yeah, it's peripheral, yes. And weirdly, they even mentioned the ball in the road, okay? And I just went, Oh my God, would that happen to us? And that's, it's just a classic example, and it happens.
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Yeah,
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I remember reading some or hearing some, some research done around it that particularly for boys, they were, they were pretty good in the car on their own, but as soon as their mates got in the car, their driving standard just did. Curated immediately, because they were a, distracted and B, you know, trying to impress, and it was really, really different. You're right.
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So you've got my next,
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sorry, no,
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it's great.
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Susie's ahead of the game. It's absolutely true, and this makes
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a problem as well.
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Yes, and we do it ourselves. If you if you've just learned a new skill, and you're on your own, and you're good, and giving it 100% concentration, you you're all right as soon as somebody comes in, and maybe as a teenager, you're more prone to wanting to impress your the standard deteriorates immediately. It makes total sense, 100% light,
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and they said you're more likely to run a red light, more likely to speed more likely to avoid seat belt use, and I that the only time in my life I've had any kind of points on my license. I didn't get points because I went to a speed awareness course was when I was in a car with my whole family, and I drove back from a concert because I hadn't drunk. And we went, we were down a country lane, and we went from down a dark country lane, and we went into a village, and I didn't notice, and I should have slowed down, and the camera caught me, and it's because I was chatting like the girls were chatting the back were chatting away. It's easily done when you're very experienced driver, very much.
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And according to the National Institute for Child Health and Human Development, teenagers are 75% less likely to get into a car accident if they have an adult passenger. Oh, interesting. Isn't that interesting? Stabilizing force?
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Yes, distractions, as you said, choosing music, adjusting cooling or heating, referencing guidance systems. We know how difficult our teenagers find it if they get a message to not answer straight away, right? We know this. So one of the big problems is, you know, teens expect instantaneous responses when they're getting commun when they're communicating. So we it's very important that they're not with their phone constantly,
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yeah, in a car, and they understand that that is a big no. So all those
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notifications I keep saying to my girls, make sure they switched off, because it's their Bing, and then you want to read it. You want to read it. To read it right.
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Speeding overall, 25% of fatal teen car crashes involve speeding, driving under the influence in the US in 21 19% of 16 to 17 year old drivers killed in car crashes had been drinking before. 19% 19% and a 920, 19 study revealed 16.7% of us high school students rode with a driver who'd been drinking. I did this. I remember now when I was doing a levels, because I just wasn't being parented. We'd been out in in a village 10 miles from my home, and I How, how was I going to get home?
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There was no public transport, and this guy said he'd give us a lift. And I was with another guy, and I got in the car with him, and we got so far, and the guy, the other guy I was with, said, we are getting out of this car. He's drunk. Now stop the car. We're getting out. I hadn't even noticed. I wasn't thinking at all. I just to this day, I think, thank God he noticed. You know, I was just oblivious. So actually, it's one of those things where we've talked about this before, if you can talk about it beforehand and prepare them to notice Yes, because it's that stuff, yeah, being aware of it that some people do drink yes and don't be in that car with them, no, because they're the ones you can't trust. No, and it's been lovely or call me to end up in anything tiredness.
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According to the US National Sleep Foundation, 55% of vehicle crashes attributed in parts of driving while drowsy, involving male drivers under 26 Yeah, that's big number, big number.
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But, but you know, our teens are chronically tired, and you think about the pressures on them and either going out having fun with their mates,
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and also because of the lack of experience, if they're a little bit tired, yeah, it's going to make more an impact, isn't it, whereas maybe we'll get away with it a bit more because we have the experience
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not wearing a seat belt. Back in 2020, a study showed that 50, 56% of teen fatalities involved not wearing a seatbelt. Wow, it's a shocking number that's crazy. Like, why put it on nowadays we have cars that just beat my car won't leave the drive annoying, right?
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I picked up my daughter and her friends really late last night. They were at a party, and they, one of them hadn't put the seatbelt around in the dark, and we were all going,
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Yes, crazy. So cars nowadays and more modern cars, and this is the problem.
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When you think back to that statistic I gave, where most people buy kids older cars, they won't have those things in place. So it's worth thinking about that time of driving stats from us a fatal teen car accidents in 2021 here are my little stats. Again, 50% occurred between 6pm and 3am Wow, so we know that's kind of going out in the evening. Yeah.
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And dark, dark. And the dark, darkness. Again, I said to Mike, because my daughter's all her driving at the moment is in the in the light. Yeah, and they shall pass a test and she'll be driving in the dark, I don't think so. Half happened over the three days of the weekend. Okay, so think about it. They have passengers. They've been drinking. They're driving to less familiar locations, and
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maybe they're driving more because they're driving more in a weekday.
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Maybe, Sure, absolutely.
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38% occurred over just four months, which were the summer months of May through to August. So it's not even that the road conditions are tricky. No, okay, so what can we do? Let's let's just
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No, no, no, no, no.
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We want our kids driving because then we don't have to keep taking them everywhere, right? So what can we do? Well, in the UK, interestingly, a labor MP, Kim Ledbetter has introduced a new will to Parliament designed to cut down on the number of deaths and injuries. And it's called a graduated driving license. And this has been tried in New Zealand, and it seems to be a really good idea. And actually, there are a lot of bodies who are behind it. So it's a system that slowly gives you more freedom. So you don't just because now in the UK, you pass and then you have to wear a pee on your car for a year afterwards, or something like that. You don't have to invitation. Gosh, okay, so, oh, it's
00:26:18.420 --> 00:26:23.539
not, I don't even know. I haven't looked at something you can if you want to.
00:26:25.220 --> 00:26:38.299
So the idea would be that you would have restrictions for newly qualified drivers, yeah, and particularly the first six months. So zero alcohol limit. New drivers would have to be supervised by a licensed and experienced adults.
00:26:38.720 --> 00:26:53.140
So you are allowed to drive, but you have to have someone in the car with you, like a grown up, controls over the number of young passengers allowed, and and then you'd get more privileges. But, I mean, this varies country to country, but this is the idea behind it.
00:26:53.259 --> 00:27:07.619
In Australia, you have to have this P thing for a year, and they're really, really strict, because we were there and interesting, we're with somebody who was worrying about having that PE taken away, and then I think you have to do another test or something. It's really strict. That was my understanding of it.
00:27:07.619 --> 00:27:09.240
That's good.
00:27:07.619 --> 00:27:23.180
Here's what we can do. There's telematics, which are black boxes, and those will monitor the speed and driving style and other factors, and they can be used to set curfews on young drivers, and you will get a discount on their insurance. So win, win, and you're
00:27:23.180 --> 00:27:33.619
in big trouble if you go over it. I know, Oh, really. And they and it's really expensive, is it? How does it work? I can't remember, and I didn't know all the details, but I know that it didn't end well,
00:27:33.680 --> 00:27:42.099
okay, so yeah, use it at your peril. It's good, but it will also help you find that vehicle. If it's been stolen, and you get
00:27:42.099 --> 00:27:45.460
warnings and stuff this, this particular case was was a bit silly.
00:27:45.940 --> 00:27:52.119
I found a couple of things that I thought looked really cool, and I probably will investigate them for my daughter when she passes.
00:27:49.839 --> 00:29:07.440
One is called marmalade telematics, which you stick a small box to your car windscreen and download an app, and you pay per mile. And so this family bought their son 500 miles worth of driving, cost them around 380 pounds, which sounds really cheap to me. And she said they you can then top it up once it gets close to that, but the thing on the screen monitors his driving. So that's for the insurance. It's for the insurance, and it monitors his driving, and it gives feedback like, what's breaking, what right? So it's like having a black box and the insurance is directly related to it, and it's a by mile. So with a lot of these kids, they're not driving that much, you know, if you're not driving for work or you just okay. And then Aviva is targeting drivers under 30 with an app based Car Insurance Quote me happy Connect, which, again, rewards safe driving. You pair your mobile and they monitor you get given a weekly driver rating, so red, amber, green or gold, and this records speed, smoothness, distractions with your mobile phone, because connected to the Yes, and you get regular advice on how you can improve your driving. So there are things like that which I'm going to investigate, because they look really good.
00:29:07.440 --> 00:30:02.160
So I think what's happened is the markets evolved because the insurers are going, we don't want it to be so expensive, but it's really expensive for us, so we need to pass that on. So we need to find ways of mitigating the problems. And there I did actually look through a whole load of apps, which I thought, oh, it'd be good to recommend some apps. The problem is they they're most of them are country specific, and it so just, I'll tell you what you know, just a search engine to find a good app. One thing I know is life 360 is useful. And I know it's useful because my daughter got into a car with a friend, and I was told they were going to drive 60 down the motorway, and I watched as it went 60, 7080, because you can see it okay live. 360 shows you the driving speeds. I see it will also tell you at the end of the day. It will send you a message and tell you at the end. So you another thing you could do is, if you don't have this in place, is you can say you can drive on condition that you downloaded.
00:29:58.660 --> 00:30:50.259
Five, 360, and you do not try and tamper with it. And I then I can see what your drives have been like. Yeah, okay. You know, it's tricky, isn't it, but it's dangerous. It's dangerous. So I would, personally, I'm a fan of the parenting driving agreement, and I will put the list of the crack categories, but it's worth creating a driving agreement where you say, Look, we're going to talk through these things, and we're going to have consequences if you aren't following what we consider to be safe. And so you decide what those consequences might be, but they make them directly related to the car, and what are they responsible for? So if they get a parking ticket, who's responsible if they have court fees, if they, you know, Ding their car, who, like, who is paying for all these things? So have those conversations before.
00:30:50.319 --> 00:30:53.799
Yeah, that's a really good idea, because it's not just about the petrol. Is it not just
00:30:53.799 --> 00:31:38.779
about the petrol? And what we've done with all the kids is we own the car and they and we insure it, and then they get use of it. And what was really interesting recently was the older girls were using it, and then they decided to take it up to London, because they said it's really inconvenient, having to come down to get it. So we're going to have it in London for a while, because no one else is really using it. And our response was, hmm, well, you know, it's not insured to be parked in London, because you insure based on your geographical postcode. And we said so if you decide that you want to own the car, you can own the car, but you can insure it.
00:31:35.000 --> 00:32:03.660
You can pay for all the costs of driving around London, because there all sorts of tolls for driving in a city? And they said, Okay, can we have 24 hours? And I said, we said, absolutely no problem. You know, we'll give you the car if you really want it. 24 hours later, the car was ours. They didn't want it. So once they understand what's involved, you know, and ensuring to be in London, it's really expensive. Yeah. So, yeah, good strategy, yes, yes.
00:32:05.759 --> 00:32:14.099
So it's true. And please, guys, if you're going to use the car, bring it back with a full tank.
00:32:11.339 --> 00:32:56.500
Yeah, don't leave it on the drive with almost nothing in it, because someone else wants to use it. So it's a kind of we're using a carpool, yeah? And you know, they'll have to just check in with each other, so enforcing zero tolerance for drinking and driving discuss potential scenarios that could put them in difficult positions. So this is the thing, right? So let's say you did go to a party and you didn't intend to, but you did drink. How would you deal with that? Let's say you went to a party and you weren't the driver, but someone said, could you drive my car home? But you're not insured, let's say you had somebody who would give me you were left home. Do you check in with them about their drinking? And do you find another way? Just just go through the scenario so that they know, and they know how you view it,
00:32:56.559 --> 00:32:59.559
yeah, so that they have a ready response. That's a brilliant idea, yeah,
00:32:59.799 --> 00:33:04.859
because I always think, if you're pre prepared, it gives them a speed bump, yeah, it's comfortable.
00:33:05.039 --> 00:33:18.660
And remind the kid about the consequences of breaking the law, because our kids can't see over these hills, they it's just not something they've been thinking about. So we need to tell them, what's the cost of losing their driver's license?
00:33:19.559 --> 00:33:44.079
What about, you know, driving under the influence, they'll have a permanent record. What about? And that will impact job, job options, court fees, you know, the fact they might kill someone, yeah, you know, because they weren't thinking they were having fun. Yeah? Another one, which I always hate, and I think we all do be a good role model.
00:33:38.900 --> 00:33:47.440
And I'm, you know, I'm very conscious of this. I'm not always the best role model, no.
00:33:47.559 --> 00:34:06.359
And I do think about this. I do, you know, and I, and the problem is, I learnt to drive in London, yeah. And you have to be quite an assertive driver, yeah, if you drive in London, whereas I live in the countryside, and I'm trying to sort of control my driving a bit so that I'm not quite as assertive.
00:34:08.099 --> 00:34:10.320
We're all right reading between the lines, yeah, and
00:34:11.940 --> 00:34:25.340
I, you know, and also just putting my phone somewhere where I can't reach it when I'm driving, so that people, my kids, can actually see me doing this. And it's not enough for me to say yes, but I'm a really experienced driver, I actually have to walk the walk.
00:34:25.398 --> 00:34:29.179
Yeah, I think you're 100% right, and we do need to check up on that. It's
00:34:29.179 --> 00:34:51.878
not, it's not, sorry, guys, damn, damn. We can also choose vehicles based on this, but again, it's, it's down to how much money you have, yeah, you know. And we were using second hand vehicle, yeah, and we bought it a year off the forecourt, because it's much cheaper. And this one's been scratched quite a bit. We're not we're using the same vehicle to teach the different kids.
00:34:49.478 --> 00:34:58.599
Because why would I want to get a new vehicle that gets and a friend of mine got given a new vehicle before she went to university, and guess what? She rolled it?
00:34:59.739 --> 00:35:01.619
Yeah. It gets nicked, probably gets
00:35:01.619 --> 00:35:07.920
nicked Exactly, exactly. So that's pretty much it. Yeah. How do we feel about I'm
00:35:07.918 --> 00:35:11.039
now kind of going to cancel the dragon. No, you're not. No, I
00:35:11.039 --> 00:35:24.619
don't want this. I do not want this to be about that. I want this about empowering us super people know what we can do to prepare our kids and make them feel confident. Because I think if you've gone through all of this, and then they know what the deal is. It's
00:35:24.619 --> 00:35:47.139
amazing. I mean, I remember learning to drive. It was my it was my pathway to freedom. It's empowering. It's amazing. And lots if they want to get some, you know, jobs, if they go, whatever they want to do, to be able to drive is super, super helpful. Yeah, it's really, it really is. And I it's much easier to learn when you're a teenager than when, as in, everything true, than when you're older. Both. You know, our brains work
00:35:47.139 --> 00:35:49.059
differently.
00:35:47.139 --> 00:36:16.019
Yes, hope we haven't scared you witless. If you found this episode useful, please share it with at least one other person or on your social media account if you want. You could give us a review on Apple audible, send us a text message or go to the website, which is www teenagersuntangled com, where you can also search through the old episodes. Susie is available for mindfulness training in companies, yep, as well as one to one, she can help you adjust your mindset.
00:36:16.139 --> 00:36:20.340
Yeah, I'm doing quite a lot of stuff in the workplace, so if anyone's interested in Yes,
00:36:20.519 --> 00:36:28.280
yeah, think about that. Because actually, for team, sort of change management teams working better together, it's really powerful, really. It's really empowering.
00:36:28.280 --> 00:36:30.980
And she's had amazing reviews.
00:36:28.280 --> 00:36:37.519
Go on her website, you can see really amazing feedback, seriously and LinkedIn, great feedback on there. I'm seeing.
00:36:34.340 --> 00:36:37.699
Where can they reach you? They can
00:36:37.699 --> 00:36:41.920
find me on or go to my website, and then all the links are on that www.amindfulhyfinlife.co.uk,
00:36:45.519 --> 00:37:05.699
yeah, share it around. That's it. My email address is teenagers untangled@gmail.com I have some amazing guests coming up, including the author of The Essential Guide to raising complex kids, which I have to say, is an amazing book, and the author of the book that's just come out called exam nation.
00:37:00.780 --> 00:37:08.579
We'll be talking about why our obsession with graves fails everyone. Oh,
00:37:08.579 --> 00:37:09.780
I'm looking forward to that.
00:37:10.260 --> 00:37:25.099
I know. I know you're gonna love it. You're going to love it. He's so interesting. It's a really entertaining book. If you want to buy so entertaining as well as being very informative. Love it. Don't forget to subscribe so you don't miss any of this. Have a great week. Bye, Bye, for now, bye, bye. You
